The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 24.2

Louis' pov

I stayed up most of the night. I was so upset about what happened yesterday. Seeing him like this was unbearable. All night I thought I could feel his sweat on me, hear him cry, see his pain. After he fell asleep, the nurse came in. She injected him with something, and I felt his body relax completely. She came back ten minutes later and helped me up and put my shoes on. I asked her what she had given him, but all she said was that she had relieved him and calmed him down a little. When I left at 11:45am, he was still asleep.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I'm completely helpless. I would give anything to ease his pain, to take all his suffering for myself. But I couldn't do anything but watch him suffer.

Today I got up later than the alarm clock. Looks like this is the first time I've been late. It was almost ten in the morning when I pulled up in the hospital parking lot. I quickly climb the stairs and reach my floor. I'm about to enter his room, but I stop abruptly. I see a blond man appear in the aisle.

"Niall?"

He looks up at me, and as soon as he realizes that I'm in front of him, he smiles affably.

"Hey, Louis."

"What... What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Harry."

I frown.

"But no one is allowed to see him."

"Yes, I know. But the doctor called me yesterday and told me to come."

"Um, really?"

"Yes, he said Harry needed to see me."

"I don't mean to be rude, but why you?"

Fortunately, he doesn't take offense. I don't know what Niall is doing here.

"The doctor told me they talk a lot about my sister, so I'm here."

Oops. I'd forgotten he was Samantha's brother. Now I understand. Yesterday, Harry and I were talking about a book he couldn't finish because of Samantha. Maybe he told a psychologist about it.

"Does he know you're here?"

He nods.

"Yes, I need to talk to him. That's what the doctors said."

"But you're going to tell me what you were talking about, aren't you?"

He smiles at me.   Niall has been inside for about fifty minutes. And for fifteen of them, I walked around in circles and chewed my nails. If this continues, I won't have any more nails left. I see blood running from under my fingernail, but I immediately forget it as the door opens.

"How did it go? What were you talking about? Was he very tired?"

He sighs, then suggests that I go to the cafeteria to discuss it.

"He's asleep." I can barely restrain myself from rushing to his room. It seems that Niall notices this, so he adds:

"Come on."

I nod and go into the room to check that it's Harry, that he's alive, that he's breathing. I kiss him on the forehead, then go back to Niall.  He orders us hot chocolate, and we sit down at the farthest table. We start talking about Harry's condition. He says he was shocked when he saw it, and I understand him. Even though I see him every day, I still can't get used to his thinness and pallor.

I tell him what happened yesterday, and it's hard for me. He tells me that when Samantha committed suicide, his parents felt a great responsibility for her death. I want to say that it's normal, because they were grieving and so on, but he doesn't give me time.