The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 20

Louis' pov

As soon as I open my eyes, I feel the sharp smell of medicines and stickiness in my mouth. I see a familiar female silhouette on the chair opposite.

"Mom?"

I whisper because my throat hurts so much. Like a hangover. I feel so heavy, my head feels a little dizzy as I look around. I'm in a hospital room. My mother comes up to me.

"Louis, honey, how are you?"

It's only when I hear her voice that I remember everything that happened yesterday. Everything flashes before my eyes. A rolling bottle of vodka, his body, blood. Blood on me. I twitch and sit up. I still feel like I'm covered in blood.

"Harry? Where's Harry? Where is he?" I shiver and start pulling the IV out of me. "I need to... Harry."

"Louis, stop it! My dear, calm down!"

She doesn't even have time to put her hand on my shoulder when the nurse comes into the room. He grabs my arms and forces me back down. I try to resist, but he's stronger than me, and I'm not quite myself yet.

"Calm down."

"Where's Harry? I need to see him..."

"He's fine, calm down."

"He's fine" I repeat, like a robot. "He's fine."

But he's not okay. Nothing's okay. I saw his body on the floor, his blood dried on my clothes. I start shouting something unintelligible. So fast that the nurse has to slap me in the face to make me come to my senses.

"Listen to me" he says clearly, and I look up at him, sobbing "Your friend is fine, okay? He overdosed and lost a lot of blood, but you called an ambulance in time, and we managed to save him. He's fine."

His hands are on my shoulders.

"He... He was on the floor, he wasn't moving. I told him to wake up, but he wouldn't listen to me..."

"I know. Louis, right?"

"Y-yes, Louis. That's my name."

"Now, Louis, don't panic. Your friend is fine, he's in the next room."

"He's in the next room."

I repeat it all over again, as if I want to make sure that the words are true.

"That's right. Now breathe like me."

And he slowly inhales and exhales. I follow his example, telling myself that Harry is in the next room and that he is alive. He's breathing. He's fine.

"I want to see him."

The nurse removes his hands from my shoulders, and his gaze moves from me to my mother.

The look on their faces does not Bode well.

"Louis..."

"What? What is it?"

***

They wouldn't let me see Harry. That's why they looked at me like that, because they were afraid to tell me that I couldn't go to him. Yesterday afternoon I was discharged from the hospital, I spent only one night there. The nurse explained to me that Harry had attempted suicide and I had had a nervous breakdown. He said that because it was me who found him, it was very traumatic for me and that if I saw him, I might feel bad again. Lies, lies, lies. He didn't try to kill himself, what nonsense.

I haven't gotten out of bed since I got home. The curtains are tightly closed, and I look up at the ceiling, which I can't really see because it's so dark in here. Last night flashes before my eyes. Again and again. I don't feel anything, at all, I'm like an empty vessel that is not capable of any reaction. Liam came to see me this morning. I think it was my mother who warned him. I don't know, I don't care. He was saying something to me, but I wasn't listening. I still felt like there was blood everywhere. And I kept thinking about Harry.