The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 29

Louis' pov

«D-81

I'm sorry for "D" before the number. I know you don't like it. It's just that part of me is trying to make you angry so that I can get some kind of reaction from you. It's stupid, you won't be angry, and I don't want you to be angry anymore. You've been angry with people, with the world, all your life.

A long time ago, I promised you I'd take care of Bastard if anything happened to you. And I care about him and Hope. They're part of our family.»

I never thought I'd have to keep that promise. I can't understand. I thought we were happy. The past three months have been magnificent and magical. He even went to college for one month. I had the feeling that he had blossomed, that the worst was really over. How could I not see anything? How could I not understand? No one noticed anything. Not me, not his father, not Manuel, not even Niall and Professor Edwards, with whom he was checking the papers again. Neither Carla nor the staff at the veterinary clinic saw anything when he returned there. How could he do that? How could he deceive us all?

I'll never forget that weekend. When I asked him to stay two nights at the hotel. It wasn't easy. He had never been out of London before, and he had never slept in a room other than his own. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he stayed in my room on campus. I told him that he had time to think, that we were in no hurry. A month later, he agreed. The first night was hard, he was lost. Then he saw the ocean for the first time in his life and fell in love. Our stay there went from two days to a whole week.

«Waves... They're great.»

He was happy at that moment, I know. I don't understand what happened. I don't understand what happened, why he's not here anymore. This is all too difficult to understand.

I feel like I'm in a movie. In a dramatic film, where after the death of one of the main characters, the second, who lost his love, but is still alive, recalls all the moments of their life together to sad music. Only when the music ends will there be no one to shout 'Cut!'. There is no one to get me out of this hell, because this is reality. And the music starts over and over again every time.Everything reminds me of him. His guitar and song. I listen to it all the time. From morning to night. It's the only way to hear his voice.

I can't look at my tattoo. I'm in too much pain.The L is at the bottom of a grave in a cemetery. Harry is at the bottom of a grave in the cemetery. It's not fair, he should be here with me, it's not fair. That's not fair. That's not fair.

***

"Where you are, there I am" — Victor Hugo.