The Degradation (translation)

I'm not leaving

Louis' pov

"Make love to me, Harry."

"Are you sure?"

"More than ever."

I replay the events of last night in my head, and they look so unreal. The wind blows in my face, and I can still feel his hands on my body. I can still feel the tremor of his touch.

The sun barely breaks through the thick curtains on the glass doors. It warms his skin and reflects in his eyes, which have never been so bright. He's lying on top of me, leaning on his elbows to keep from crushing me, and his eyes are hotter than any sun. My hands are on his torso, tracing the contours of two swallows, so weightless, as if he could evaporate at any moment. I'm so afraid to damage it, to spoil it, as if it were a fragile porcelain doll. His lips find mine and slide down my neck. I arch my back as he kisses my stomach. And as soon as I realize what he's going to do, my heart starts beating so hard that it's impossible to breathe. I try to push him away, barely whispering.

"No..."

He looks up, and when our eyes meet, I know I'll never forget that moment. Time seems to have stopped, and the Earth has long been in the habit of stopping its rotation for us.

"Please."

And when he whispers those words, I don't have any strength left. I take my hands off his shoulders and grab the sheets. When his lips wrap around me, my whole body feels like it's on fire. He acts uncertainly. He's nowhere near the skill of Eleanor and the other girls I've slept with before. But he still surpasses them all. With his awkwardness, his love, his tenderness, he overshadows them all as if they never existed.

My body shakes, my fingers clench the sheets, and the ground is still there. I arch my back. His hair tickles my stomach with every movement.

"You... you know... it tickles..."

And I can feel him smiling against my skin.

Remembering this, goosebumps pass through the body. I open my eyes and look at the phone screen. Eight o'clock in the morning. An hour ago, we were sleeping in his room, and he got a call from the veterinary clinic, so he had to leave immediately, and I had to... And for some reason I wanted to come here. I don't know why. I adjust the collar of my coat and step forward. I put my hands on the railing and take a deep breath. I close my eyes, because I know that as soon as I look at the highway, I'll see him standing on the edge and jumping into the abyss. I clench my fists harder, but all I can see is the memory of last night: no blood, no outstretched hands, no fear that he might come back here. Only us, only love.

"I..."

He bites his lip and blushes, reaching for the bedside table. Sitting between my legs, he twirls a blue tube in his hands. I think I'm blushing too. It's a stupid thing to do with the person you love, but... I like this awkwardness. It proves that this is a first for us.

[...]

Here it is. This moment. He lies on top of me, my legs wrapped around his hips. His lips tickle mine, and we're scared as hell.

"I'm afraid..."

"Me, too."

And without taking his eyes off me, he slowly enters. It hurts so much that I squeeze his shoulders until they bruise, and I can feel the tears in his eyes.

"I -" he stops abruptly, trembling. "God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

He strokes my cheek, starting to pull away, but I shake my head.