I Loved You First (Dabi X OC X Hawks)

Chapter 31 - What The Hell Just Happened?

Dabi's POV

I know it would be hard to walk away but this was a nightmare. She looked scared. Scared of me and no amount of mental preparation could have prepared me for that. She looked like a little mouse being stared down by a cat. It made me feel sick. A part of me genuinely thought I would feel better after speaking with her. I had longed to reach out to her for years, and now that I have I feel worse than I ever have.
When she mentioned Shoto I almost broke. I want to see my little brother again, of course I do. But I was right, they are both so much better without me. I said what I had to. She knows I'm not going to hurt her so she can move on now. I just really hope I can too.

Kimi's POV

What the hell just happened?
I sat on my kitchen floor for what felt like hours replaying everything that happened with Touya. Or Dabi I suppose...

I have spent years wishing he would come back, thinking I did something wrong, searching for answers that I knew I wasn't going to get. And now in the space of a day, everything has changed, but I have more questions than ever.

I was so worried that Touya may be dead. But I suppose in a way he is. He was so different. Not just in the way he looked or in his deeper raspy voice. He was colder. Touya would never have activated his quirk in anger before, especially not around me. He had never made me feel frightened before. Yet with Dabi, I was so scared and unsure of what he would do next. I may have known Touya but I know nothing about Dabi. What am I going to say to Fuyumi and Shoto? Do I tell them? I know I would want to know if I were I  their position. But would it really be better to tell them? I probably shouldn't. They would think I was crazy. Damn it.

***Time skip***

Days had passed since Touya's visit and I still had yet to leave my house. Touya was here. He was in this house and being here made me feel closer to him in a way. My mind constantly drifted back to the day he left once again.

After hours of sitting on the floor and replaying Touya's parting words, I had finally forced myself to move, picking up and disposing of the hazelnuts which still littered my kitchen floor. Peanut continued to glare at the door, clearly recognising Touya and remaining as bitter as ever.

So it was him this whole time. He was the one who broke into my apartment. He was the one who killed that man right in front of me. I should have been sad, or frightened, or angry. I should have felt something, but instead I felt completely numb as my fingertips brushed against the cold ground scooping up the hazelnuts. The following days passed in a blur and for the first time in my life I called in sick to work. I felt like I was dreaming in a way drifting from one motion to the next, visions of the old Touya mingling in my mind with the new 'Dabi'.

My absent thoughts were broken by the Attack on Titans theme song blaring from my near by phone, breaking the silence that hung in the air ever since Touya left.
I steadily stood and picked up my phone gazing at the caller ID and forcing myself to swallow thickly. I can't avoid him forever. With a shaky intake of breath I answered the phone.

"Hey Sho, what's up?" My voice cracked, much to my annoyance. I gazed up to meet the judgy eyes of Peanut who was giving me a look that said "why even care about that Touya asshole, we have Keigo now".

"Is everything okay Kimi?" His voice was low and concerned and made me even more annoyed at myself. Touya wants me to forget about him, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. No matter how much it hurts.

"Yeah, of course! I should be the one asking you that! You feeling any better? You really gave it your all in the festival."

"I'm fine. I haven't heard from you in a while and was thinking we could meet up? There is something I want to talk to you about too ..." His voice sounded unsteady and I could tell he was shuffling on his feet, a nervous habit he had developed from a very young age.

"Of course! I wasn't feeling the best but I'm fine now. You want me to come over?" I smiled feeling that familiar sisterly tug at my heart for the awkward teenage boy.

"Umm, can I come over to your place?" Once again his voice was low and nervous, but after glancing around my apartment and deciding I had enough time to tidy up I told him to come over whenever he finished school. Which would give me enough time to clean up my living room which had fallen into a state of despair over the past few days.

Within hours, mostly spent shoving clothes back into my closet where they cannot be judged by the withdrawn teenager, Shoto had arrived and sat quietly at my kitchen table sipping his hot tea in silence.

"Soooo ... lovely weather?"

"What?" He asked finally looking up from his tea and tilting his head in confusion.

"It's what people do to break the ice isn't it? Talk about the weather? Huh break the ice ... I'm sure there's a pun I can use linked to your quirk but I have a feeling you have something serious on your mind." I smile at him reassuringly. For a second, thoughts of Touya, or 'Dabi' as he now likes to be called, are pushed aside and I look at the confused smol bean in front of me.

"You're so weird Kimi ... but you're right." Shoto sat his tea down on the table and looked out the window. He looked so distant but was clearly struggling with expressing himself.

"We have internships in the next few days-" He stopped himself as I gave him a nod of encouragement.

"I received a lot of offers, including one from ... my old man. I don't know whether to accept it or not. He's the number two hero and I'm sure there's a lot I can learn from him but he's so..." He trailed off looking back down at his tea and watching the heat from it rise and stir the air about his hands.

"I know you hate him. I do too. But I just don't know what to do. I obviously can't talk to Fuyumi about it, because she'll just tell me to go to keep the peace. As for Natsuo, well he's not exactly around much."

"You want my unbiased opinion?" I ask watching him bob his head like a little kid and lean forward eagerly waiting on what I had to say.

"This is an opportunity to learn. I'm not the biggest fan of your dad but he's a top hero for a reason. Interning with him will definitely help you grow, but the choice is ultimately yours. What do you feel like you should do?" I asked sipping on my own tea and watching Shoto contemplate what I had to say.

"I feel like I should take him up on his offer. I don't forgive him for anything and he's not the kind of hero I want to be but I know I can learn a lot from him."

"Then I think you have your answer kiddo!" I smiled messing up his hair as he swatted my hand away with a small grin.

"Thanks Kimi. But there's something else ... you seemed off when we spoke earlier. You know you can tell me anything right?" Sho asked starring at me with unwavering concerned eyes. I felt my mouth go dry under his gaze. I could tell him. I could tell him everything. Flashes of my Touya flashed across my mind. Us tickling a younger Shoto on the couch, having a horror movie night with him, Fuyumi and Natsuo, going trick or treating and watching Shoto's eyes light up when looking at his brother. I can't take that away from him. I cannot destroy the memories be has of his brother. Dabi has destroyed the Touya I once knew, but I'm not going to destroy him for Shoto.

"Haha awww is my wittle baby boy worried about me?! Don't worry Sho I'm fine. Honest! When did you get all mature huh?" I smiled pulling him in for a hug, more so to hide my frowning face than anything else. Touya may not be the man I once knew but I won't let Shoto down because of it. He may not be my brother by blood but he is my brother in heart.

Touya may have abandoned him but I sure as hell never will.