Let Me In (Au) - An Ereri Story

~45~

"Levi?" I all but whisper into the darkness.

His head slowly turns to look at me and I take a sharp intake of breath.

His eyes are red raw and bloodshot, he has bags under his eyes and he can barely look at me straight.

"Eren?" He struggles to stand up, using the wall as support.

"Eren? Who's at the door?" Mikasa calls out.

"Uh...just some girl scouts, they want to know if we want to donate to their cause."

"Have they got any cookies?" I roll my eyes.

"No Kas, now will you let me talk to them or what?" I can hear her huff and clatter the dishes in the kitchen in reply so return my gaze outside.

I gulp as I take him in for the first time in days. As always, he looks sexy as hell, even as dishevelled as he is.

I look behind me into the hallway before stepping out and shutting the door behind me. "What are you doing here, Levi? What do you want?"

Confusion furrows his brows and he steps closer to me but stumbles on his feet and I have to put my arms out to stop him from falling flat on his face.

He looks up, and stares into my eyes. "You, Eren. I wanted to see you."

I sigh and push him back into a standing position and step back into the doorway, holding the door handle.

On the outside, I'm cool, calm and collected but on the inside I'm breaking and desperately wanting to run into his arms.

I want to tell him that I want him too. That I've missed him. That I forgive him for whatever it is that's going on. But, "Have you been drinking?" Is what I ask instead.

"I--" He averts his eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you, Eren."

"Why?" I ask, feeling the tears welling up again.

He turns to look at me sharply. "Why? What do you mean why?"

"Why can't you stop thinking about me?" I say in a broken voice.

He sighs and shakes his head. "Don't you get it?"

"What exactly am I supposed to get?" I groan and run my hand through my hair. "Look, Levi, I'm not doing this."

He steps closer, and puts a hand up on the door frame to the side of my head. "Please, Eren." Being this close to him has my mind reeling, the feeling of being this close to him; Within touching distance and not having him; it hurts. All I have to do is raise my hand, or lean forward slightly...

I can feel his breath on my face, the traces of alcohol still evident, which brings me back to reality. "You didn't answer my question." I say coldly.

He looks at me confused again. "What?"

"You've been drinking. I can smell it on you." I sigh and push him back. "Why are you even here?"

"I told you, to see you." I can see his eyes trail to my lips and he licks his own. I find my gaze on his lips and have to tear them away before I do something stupid.

"Levi, unless you're going to explain what's going on, I want you to leave." I whisper, not trusting my voice enough to not betray me.

"I will, I promise." He looks at me with pleading eyes. "But it's just--it's complicated." He takes a deep breath. "And I really don't want to do this on your doorstep." He says, gesturing around us.

"Well you're not coming in. That's not going to happen." I stand my ground. I know if I let him in again, I won't let him go.

I can see pain flash across his eyes before his usual non-chalant face takes over again. "Fine, then."

"Well?" I ask, getting quickly annoyed.

He groans and takes a step back again as he tears at his hair with both hands. "Eld is just...some guy I used to hook up with."

"Just some guy?" I raise an eyebrow to him.

"Yes, Eren. We were on and off for a while."

"How long is a while?"

"Look, Eren it's over, it doesn't matter." He huffs.

"It clearly wasn't over in Paris, and it clearly isn't over here. So where exactly is it over?" I fold my arms across my chest and stare at him, knowing I'm right.

He takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky. "I told him about you."

I scoff and shake my head while mumbling; "Bit late for that."

"What?" He asks.

"I said, it's a bit late for that."

"Why?" He steps forward again, reaching out for me but I unfold my arms and pull away from his reach.

"I told him as soon as you left on Monday." He looks down at the floor. "I know it won't make a difference, but I really am sorry."

"No, it doesn't make a difference. You still ruined everything." I set my jaw. "You should have told him in Paris, but instead you decided to play a facade in front of him, and lie to me."

"It wasn't like that, he was having a rough time with his wife, I didn't want to deal another blow." His comment actually makes me laugh.

"So you decided it'd be a good idea to play us both? For over a month?"

"Eren, please. Just listen to me..."

"No, Levi, how long have you been seeing him behind my back?" He opens his mouth to reply. "Oh wait, you're actually seeing me behind his back aren't you?" I laugh at that and run my fingers through my hair.

"Fuck, you make it sound so bad saying it like that." He says softly.

"How else would it sound, Levi? You were literally fucking around with two guys, pretending that neither of them existed." I shake my head at my idiocy.

"Eren, I haven't seen him since Paris, and even then nothing happened between us." He says calmly.

"That is not the point!" I laugh at him. "So is that another marriage you've ruined then?" I scoff.

"What? I--" His expression hardens. "It wasn't like that. She never knew."

"And that makes it better then?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"No, I--" He shakes his head again. "GAH! Its not all me you know. You could've said something!"

I just laugh at him. "You know what? Just go home."

"Eren, what? No!" He shakes his head at me. "I can't get my words out properly. You know that's not what I meant!"

"Levi, I don't care. You lied to me. Again." I bite my lip and shake my head. "Please just go."

"Eren, no wait." He steps closer to me again, placing his hands on my chest. I sigh at the contact and feel my heart constrict. "Don't shut me out."

I look him in the eyes. "You did that yourself. We're done, Levi."

He takes a step back, hurt covers his features and he shakes his head before looking back at me. "But I love you, Eren."

"Sometimes that's just not enough." I say softly as I fight back tears and close the door in his face.

*A/N - Ouch. I actually cried writing this. I promise this will get better.

Also...Happy Valentine's Day...don't hate me, please.*