Wicked Game | Miya Atsumu

twenty.

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### notes ###
i strongly recommend you to listen to the song below (on repeat if can) since i feel like the lyrics kinda suit this chapter ><

1. This Is What Overthinking Feels Like - Marina Lin

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I entered Atsumu's room. He insisted on me staying over his place and since Osamu said that he will be going back to Hyogo tonight so yeah, I could agree with the idea. But still, Osamu did left something for us.

"Just don't touch my bed or I'll kill both of you"

That was his message. A death threat actually.

Atsumu locked the door once he entered the room after me. He took off his shoes, placing them aside while I sat on his bed. I looked at the blonde guy taking off his club jacket, hanging it around the chair. He seemed differently somehow. He looked like he was avoiding my eye contact. "Are you hungry? I could make you something for dinner" I broke the silence between us. "No, it's fine. I'm not hungry" he said while unpacking his stuffs. He wasn't even looking at me. I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling weird at his odd behavior. Is he mad or something?

I got up from his bed and approached him. "Are you okay?" I asked. My fingers interlaced with his as I hold his hand tight. He looked at me in the eyes before pulling his hand. "I'm gonna take a warm bath" he smiled bitterly before entering the bathroom. I let out a sigh. What is it? I thought everything was okay. We were so good earlier. What is it that upsets him?

Atsumu was relaxing his back against the bath tub with his eyes closed when I walked into the bathroom. I removed my clothes one by one before getting into the bathtub. He was surprised. He adjusted his position when I positioned myself between his legs, my back was facing him. I tied my hair into a messy bun before leaning against his chest. I reached for his arms, holding his hands tightly. I hate being ignored by him. If I did something that made him upset, then I would like to reconcile with him. I hate the cold and silent treatment he's giving. I just hate it when he acted like this.

"Did I something that upsets you?" I asked while playing with his fingers. I turned my head sideways, looking at him from the corner of my eyes. He looked at me, shaking his head slowly. "What happen with you being honest with me?" I sighed, releasing his hands. I pulled my legs up, hugging my knees. It did make me upset as well when he acted that way. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me. Not all things need to be shared, right?" I placed my head on my knees. Atsumu looked at me.

I kinda expecting him to give me a back hug or something. I actually waited for it. I felt him moving behind me but instead, he leaned his back against the bathtub. I sighed again. For the first time, I felt so unwelcomed here. I was embarrassed for coming in to join him bathing. I thought we could settle the unsolved conflict that I don't even know what was it about. But what he did was brushing me off. That's the saddest part.

I could feel the pain coming from my chest. My heart ached. Call me a crybaby but I just couldn't help but to shed tears. I lifted my head, sniffling. Atsumu looked at me when I wiped off my tears. "I'm sorry for barging in" I was about to leave him alone but he quickly pulled me. He had his arms wrapped around me, his head leaned against the back side of mine. I could feel his breath on my nape. "I'm sorry" he said it softly but I could still hear it.

We stayed in that position for a few minutes before he asked, "Are you going to leave me?" his voice was shaky. I knew I didn't misjudged it. I turned to look at him. He was... Crying. It was my first time seeing him shedding tears and I don't know why. What was the reason?

"Tsumu, why are you crying?" I asked. He wasn't answering me. I could hear the little sniffs he made. What was it that caused him pain? What is it Atsumu?

"Are you going... To get back with Suna?" he sighed. I turned my body to facing him. I held him on the cheeks, lifted up his head to look at me. "What?" I asked. He looked at me. His eyes were red. He wiped off his tears, taking a deep breath after. "He made himself clear earlier and you guys have resolved the conflict. Does that mean, you're going back to him?" he asked. I stared at him. I totally lost it. The least thing that I expected from him was him to cry over the things that he, himself overthink about.

"It's not like I don't like it when you and Suna are in a good terms but I couldn't help but to feel threatened with it" he dropped his tears. His voice sounded sad and worried. Who would have thought that the toughest guy could easily break down when he started overthink things.

I caressed his cheeks gently, tears rolling down on my cheeks. I shook my head, trying to convince him. "The thought of you going back to Suna scares me off. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Seeing you talk to him earlier at the grandstand made me lose my confidence" he expressed. I absolutely had no idea that he was thinking all of these. "I don't want to lose you" he bowed his head, crying silently.

"If you couldn't love him like how he loves you, then you should stop giving him hope. I just don't want to see him hurt anymore"

Osamu said this at me before and I finally understand it. I can finally understand how Osamu felt when he saw Atsumu crying himself out like this. He looked so broken hearted and helpless. And this is why Osamu was being protective when it comes to him. I got it now.

"I might sounds desperate but..." he lifted his head, looking at me. He couldn't stop his tears from rolling. "Do I have chance? Do I ever have the chance to be with you?" he asked. His voice sounded weak and that broke me even more. "Do you even consider me in your life, y/n? You can just be honest with me" he asked.

I couldn't give him an immediate answer. Deep down inside my heart, I was feeling scared. I do have my own thoughts that I overthink. Yes, I like him but am I actually ready to invest my heart and feelings again? After what happened between me and Suna? Honestly, I don't even know. I wanted to be with him but there were so many things that stopped me. I'm fighting with those possible negative thoughts that have been bothering me. I'm fighting them alone.

Atsumu wiped off his tears, nodding his head. "I got it" he sighed before getting out from the bathtub. He wrapped himself with the bathrobe before leaving me alone in the bathroom. No.

I walked out from the bathroom once I put on the bathrobe. "Atsumu..." I called his name. He ignored my call and made his way to the kitchen. "Atsumu" I called him again. He was still ignoring me. I walked to him and hugged him from behind. I couldn't help but to sob. His tears dropped on my hands. "I did consider you in my life. You had no idea how crazy I could get whenever you flirt with me. You had no idea how much I like it when you're with me. Your words never failed to make me blush. I didn't expect we would come this far. I didn't expect to have this feelings" maybe it's the right time for me to confess everything. To confess about how I actually felt for him.

"I like you, you dummy! Can't you see that?" I hit his abs. "But sometimes I can feel insecure and overthink things too, you know? I wanted to be with you but knowing you came from a rich family, have a good life, compared to mine, I don't feel like I actually deserved you. I don't think that we're meant for each other because of our families status. I'm a nobody and you're a somebody. I think about us every single day and there's no day that I didn't think about you" I sobbed. "You're too good for me" Atsumu turned and hugged me tightly. He placed his head on top of mine. He shook his head.

"I don't care about those things. I don't care about your family status or anything. I've never judged you or anything. I fall for you because who you are. How did you ever think about that?" he cupped my cheeks, making me look at him. He was shedding tears as well. "I'm glad that I made the move to approach you, even though I started it with offering you a stupid plan but I'm thankful that it brought us here" he leaned his forehead against mine. "It's just that I'm worried that I might lose you someday" he sighed. I shook my head. "You won't" I looked up at him. "How can I leave you when you make me head over heels for you?" I clenched on his bathrobe.

Our eyes met. "I love you, Atsumu" I finally let it out of my chest. Those three words that I've been holding all this while. I finally said it at him.

He dropped his tears again. "I love you too, y/n" he kissed me on my lips and I kissed him back. Our kisses were sloppy but they were pure and real. They were love. "I love you so much" he confessed. He took a deep breath before chuckling. "I love you" I said it again.

"I love you more, y/n. I love you so much"