Wicked Game | Miya Atsumu

twenty-nine.

"Atsumu... Let's break up" I uttered. Atsumu looked at me. His tears rolled down. His eyes didn't leave mine. He was staring into my eyes, probably trying to process the thing I just said. He slowly shook his head, "No" he said while cupping my cheeks tighter. "No, please..." he looked at me. His eyes, they were filled with nothing but sadness. His voice was shaky and his hands were trembling. He was anxious and panicking. "Y/N please say something, please. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for yelling at you, for hurting you but please, don't break up with me" he reached for my hands and held them tightly. My tears were rolling down fast, wetting my cheeks.

"About that kiss, I don't know anything about that. I didn't know that she would do that. I've told you she's not important to me. Please y/n..." he shook my hands. "It wasn't just about the kiss" and that had Atsumu stopped whining. "You told me you're disappointed in me for assuming things... But did you actually ask me if I was disappointed in you?" I looked up at him. I don't care about the fact I was crying while speaking up about how I felt. I've been keeping these all inside of me. "No, you didn't" I continued. "You yelled at me in front of everyone, you embarrassed me in front of your team members. You accused me for not believing in you when I never think bad of you. I believe that you've changed for me but when you said that, it was clear that you don't believe in me. And that upsets me" I raised my voice as I was expressing my feelings. "Why? What happened to you, Atsumu? Things were so good between us that night when we were at the lake but you were like a whole different person the next day. I was terrified, I was scared of you"

"Did I do anything wrong that made you that angry? Tell me Atsumu!" Atsumu's tears didn't stop from falling but he couldn't give me an immediate reaction. "What happened to your old self? Where did the Atsumu I knew went?" I pulled my hands from his grip. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed loudly. Atsumu still remained silent. "I hate you, Atsumu" I mumbled. I wiped off my tears. "I'm so disappointed in you" I sighed.

"I'm... Sorry" he stuttered. "I didn't know I've hurt you this bad" he held my hands again. "I'm sorry for acting this way. I'm sorry for being the worst boyfriend for you. I don't know what is wrong with me. I was just... Pissed. I'm sorry for letting my emotions to control me. I'm sorry for disappointing you" he cupped my cheeks, making me looking him in his eyes. He was scared. He was scared of losing me. His body was trembling and he looked miserable.

"I don't know anymore, Tsumu. I just think that if we break up, then we will stop hurting each other" he sniffed. My eyes moved to follow his figure when he fell on his knees. His hands held mine firmly and he bowed his head facing the floor. He choked on his words, sniffled. "I know I'm a disappointment. I know I'm the worst. I broke my promise when I said I won't hurt you but please... I'm really sorry for hurting you. Please y/n, I waited for you for so long and I can't just lose you just like that" he cried, shaking his head weakly. "Don't you love me anymore?" he lifted his head and looked up at me. Atsumu's face was red and his eyes were puffy. Seeing him like this broke me. "Answer me..." he shook my hands, eager for my answer. I didn't give him any response and that had him cry harder but silent. He wiped his tears off and sniffed. I could see him trying to catch his breath.

"I never lie when I told you that I love you. I never lie when I said that you make me the happiest person on earth. Every word I said, they're nothing but the truth. I waited for you for so long and I finally get to love and to own you. I should have loved you better, I should have treated and appreciate you better. I shouldn't have wasted the love and trust you have in me. I should have pushed Akari when she kissed me. I should have told her that I'm yours but I didn't do that. I've failed you and I know that" he sounded depressed and that had me sobbed quietly. "I should have come to comfort you earlier but I didn't do that because of the pride and ego I had in me. I should have lowered my pride for you but I didn't do that. I was stubborn and I'm sorry for that" he sighed heavily. The tears stains on his cheeks started to dry. "I'm sorry for all the bad things I did that caused you nothing but pain" he apologized again.

"Y/N... Please... Consider it... Consider me" he looked at me. "Think about the moment where we felt the happiest. Think about all things we did while we were together. Think about all the words I said from the bottom of my heart" he took my hand and placed them on his chest. "Feel it, y/n. My heart beats for you. Only you. I love you so much" he sobbed. "I can't afford to lose you, y/n. Please... Please give me one last chance and I promise that I'll love you better. That I won't let myself to hurt you ever again. I promise that I will always go after you and to always ask if I did something that upsets you. I promise that I'll change myself. I promise that I'll be a good boyfriend for you..." he begged.

I sat on my knees, cupping his cheeks. He looked at me while still crying. Seeing Atsumu crying so bad like that pains me. My heart ached and it's because of seeing Atsumu being this depressing. Was I too harsh? "I love you so much, Miya Atsumu" I confessed. "You had no idea how much I love you. You had no idea how proud I am to have you. You had no idea how lucky I am to be called as your girlfriend" I caressed his cheeks gently and tried to comfort him at the same time. "Yes, you made mistakes and I was hurt. But that will never change my feelings for you. I don't want to leave you as well. Breaking up with you has never passed my mind but the reason why I asked for a break up was that I felt so tired of being hurt again and again. I just wanted to stop the pain for both of us. I don't want to get hurt and at the same time, I don't want to hurt you. That's why..." I bowed my head, crying silently.

Atsumu quickly pulled me into a hug. He hugged me tightly, his hand rested on my back, giving gentle rubs as a sign of comfort. "I'm really sorry again, y/n. I was too ignorant about how you felt. I should have watched my words or even the way how I talk and treat you. I promise that I will not hurt you again. I swear" he pressed his forehead against mine.

***

3am.

Mika didn't return back to our room that night. I woke up from my sleep. Atsumu was there sleeping peacefully next to me. He had his arms wrapped around me with his head placed against my chest. I stared at the love of my life. His eyes were puffy from crying. He was hurt as well and I shouldn't have been selfish earlier. Seeing Atsumu begging me to stay made me realized that he was really scared of losing me. None of the guys I ever dated did that to me. He was the first guy who shed his tears for me. I felt bad for making him sobbing and crying out loud.

I caressed his cheek gently, the pad of my thumb rubbed against his soft milky skin. I admired his visual, thinking how can I love this guy this hard. It felt unbelievable that I am now feeling so attached to him that I, myself can't afford to lose him. Miya Atsumu is the person I've been searching for. He's the person that I've been longing for. Instead of breaking up with him, I should have asked him to together fix our relationship and to solve our conflict and miscommunication yet I was being stupid for being reckless. I leaned in and leave a kiss on top of his forehead. Atsumu hummed in his sleep. His hand held mine which was holding his cheek still. "Don't go" he murmured. I pursed my lips. His voice sounded worried and sad. He was really afraid. I kissed his knuckle and smiled, "I won't. I'll be here with you forever" I rested my head on top of his and close my eyes.

I felt glad that Atsumu and I finally made up. I felt grateful that I could change my mind and decided to stay with him. I should have known that arguments between a couple are a normal thing. I should have dealt with it yet I was being a coward. I was too scared of being hurt. I was willing to lose him than to fight back and keep him. I was disappointed in myself. How stupid can I be? Meeting Atsumu was the best mistake that ever happened in my life. Yes, he can be really pushy, annoying, and also stubborn at times but that's normal. No one is perfect and I should try to at least learn about him better. I should have asked him what does he likes and what are the things that could upset him. I should have taken the initiative to do so. But I chose to be stupid.

I couldn't imagine how could I go through the days without having Atsumu by my side. Was I really prepared for the breakup? How did I even gain the confidence to say that out? To even think about it. I don't even know what was wrong with me. Atsumu was struggling to be better for me and I should have appreciated him for that. I should be grateful for all the efforts he'd shown me, for the unconditional love he gave me. No one can even beat Atsumu for that. No one could top that. I love Atsumu so much and I don't want to lose him. I wanted to live a long life with him. No one but him.