Thirty Four - What If

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"We are young and we're ashamed
Send us to perfect places"

-Lorde

...

I hurriedly made my way to the common room corridor. At 4 each night, a death eater would take us all from the common room to the great hall to eat. I knew I couldn't be seen by them, so I made my way to the top of the stairway that led to the Slytherin common room. I hid behind a stone pillar awaiting the death eater to descend the stairs and soon enough, he did.

A rather large and muscular looking man with a beard that looked awfully groomed and dirty descended the stairs to the common room. After a minute or so, I heard a loud voice bellow

"COME ON. HURRY UP OR YOU MISS OUT ON FOOD"

I made sure I was well hidden as he ascended the stairs again, a long trail of students of all ages following him. I made sure that he was far ahead before emerging from the pillar and hurrying to join the line of students. I stayed quiet as to not attract attention from him.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Cass was the one who tapped me. She silently mouthed a "where were you" to me. I quickly thought up an excuse for her and mouthed back "Slughorn wanted to speak to me" and I turned back around to walk forward. I soon realise that this was a foolish idea as I was one of the first to leave the classroom but it was too late to say anything now. I continued walking in silence to the great hall.

...

"Where were you really?" Cass said to me quietly.

In the hall, an array of death eaters sat at what was once the teachers table, watching over us as we each ate the cheese sandwich that we had each been given.

"I told you I was with Slughorn!" There was no point in me continuing this lie but I wasn't to tell her where I really was and I couldn't think up another excuse.

"We both know you are lying. Tell me!" She said.

Eddie Blaise and Zack were sat rather far down the length of the table. We didn't get a choice where to sit, we had to simply sit in the order we were in in the line, thankfully I had landed next to Cass. There were empty seats around us, me and Cass close to each other keeping our conversation private.

I searched my mind for what to say to her, but my attention was brought to the open doors of the hall, where Draco had just entered and had begun making his way to the teachers table, most likely to pass on a message of some sort to the death eaters. I couldn't help but glance at him, and he did the same to me. We barely made eye contact for a second before we both snapped away, but unfortunately it didn't go unnoticed.

"No way!" Cass said rather loudly.

"Shhhh!" I exclaimed to her, desperately trying to stop her from bringing attention to us.

"No way" she said in a low whisper.

"Look you can't tell anyone hear me? Anyone"

"I thought you hated him?" She said.

"Well so did I"

"So why are you, I'm assuming, with him again"

"Look you have to promise not to tell anyone, not even the boys. Snape forbid us to speak and if he finds out, it will be bad for Draco."

"I won't I promise" she said to me.

I spent a few minutes explaining to her what Draco had told me and I couldn't help but feel guilty - I had promised I wouldn't tell anyone. But it wasn't as if I could help it, she figured it out herself.

"Now this might not be the time to say that I told you so-" Cass started. I shot a glare at her. "Like I said not the time" she said recognising that I wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"You can't tell anyone ok?" I said to her, desperately hoping she won't tell anyone.

"I've told you already I won't! I promise" she assured me.

"Thank you" I said back to her.

"I still can't understand why you like him after all that stuff in fifth year" she added.

"Well I can't say I do either" I responded. "But i do. I really do"

"Yeah I can tell, don't go soppy on me" she said with a slight smile. It was rare that I saw her or anyone smiling anymore so I cherished the moment and smiled with her.

"Sorry" I said sarcastically.

"When are you going to tell people?"

"When this entire thing is over. Whenever that is" I said to her knowing how silly it sounded.

"Helena, that could be years from now. I mean, no one knows where Harry Potter is. And he is the only one who can defeat you know who. And this school isn't going to go back to normal until he does" she said. "If he does" she added, the slight joy in her voice quickly disappearing.

"Cass don't think like that. I'm sure Harry will find a way to defeat him soon" I said lying to myself slightly. No one knew how long it was going to be before Harry came out of hiding and tried to defeat Voldemort. And I hated to think about how long away that could be.

"What if we found a way out?" She said, I couldn't tell if she was joking.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" I said to her. "Every entrance and exit to the castle is sealed and guarded." My thoughts suddenly snapped to the room of requirement - the vanishing cabinet. It was the only way out of the castle but soon enough, Draco would be forced to tell the death eaters how to get into the room of requirement so they could use it as a passage way to hogsmeade. Regardless, it led to Malfoy manor which I'm sure was crawling with workers of you know who.

"I'd give anything to get out of here" Cass said. "We can find an abandoned building and live in it, the six of us. You, me, Zack, Blaise, Eddie, and now Draco too" I smiled at the image of the six of us running away from this place and having a random old building to ourselves, hiding out until all this was over.

"I'd love that" I said to her. "But for now, we had better hurry eating we only have a few minutes" I said, noticing we were about to be led back to the common rooms and we had hardly eaten our sandwich. Cass looked at me in disappointment.

"Yeah. Sure"

"Cass sorry. I would love to get away from this damn place. But we can't at the moment"

"No no it's fine" she said picking up her sandwich. "It's just nice to imagine, you know?" She said with a smile before biting into her sandwich.

"Indeed it is" I replied, hurriedly eating my sandwich before we were instructed to leave the hall and go to our common rooms for the night.

...

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