Hateful Desire

Chapter 30

TW: SA and suicide attempt- PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU.

The next hour moves quickly. One minute I am laying in Draco's bed listening to the blurred sounds of music from downstairs. The next, I am being pulled off of the sheets by Graham being put into his embrace while Theo barks for another match. The haze in my mind is strong and can't think to fight him off of me. The arms touching me make my skin melt and all I want is to get closer to the beats radiating from the living room.

Blaise holds Theo back from bringing his wand out. I feel my legs become weak below me as I am dragged out of Draco's room. I whip my head to the side and see Draco standing almost completely still. I would think he was a statue if it weren't for his heavy breathing.

As soon as we get into the hall, I can hear the music and see the neon lights.

"I want to dance." I finally speak. Theo and Blaise follow Graham and I closely behind.

"We can dance when we get home." Graham whispers down in my ear. I am not happy with the answer, but I am too distracted by the sounds and heat in my mind.

"Montague!" I hear Theo say one last time. "Fuck off, you lost. Get over it!" Graham yells one last time before opening the doors to the front of the Manor.

When I feel the breeze on my body it is almost electric. Oliver stands exactly where I saw him the first time. His face meets mine; I give him a smile before Graham tugs me further into the night.

Graham's arm is wrapped around my waist tightly. The gems on my fingers burn as they did the night Draco had won me.

"Hold tight." His deep voice speaks to me before we are whipped away to apparate.

As soon as we hit the floor, I feel my head start to spin, as though the pill in my system has made a weird setback. It scrapes though my mind and my knees immediately give out. I fall to the grass below me and hold my head in-between my hands.

"I forgot that the pill may harshly drain your system when we apparate." Graham's voice speaks above me. I let out a deep cry as my fingernails scratch my scalp wishing the pain would end.

I feel Grahams arms lift me from the grass as he drags me inside of a home I am unfamiliar with.

My eyes clamp shut as I shut off everything around me. I can feel myself being pulled down a long cold hall and my legs drag below me. With each floorboard my legs pass, a cry spills from my lips.

I hear a door open, and I finally pry open my eyes to see a small room with a better bed than what Cormac provided for me, but not even nearly as nice at the room back at the Manor. I feel my body fall to the floor and a small shriek comes through my voice.

I crawl myself up into a bawl holding my head rocking back and forth. I feel myself crumbling. This pain is worse than anything I have ever experienced. I don't know what to do to help my mind from completely shattering into pieces.

"I don't know what to do, you will have to see it through." His voice is casual. I refuse to look up at him, all my focus is on the pain coursing through my body.

Within a couple minutes, I hear what I assume to be Graham exit the room I am laying in. In this moment I pray to a greater being to heal me from the ripping of my muscles to seize. I pray for a bath filled with warm numbing water to rush over me.

Although I know no one is listening.

Tears pour onto the floorboard below me. I can only imagine when I wake from this pain that there will be scars on my scalp from the pressure I am putting on it with my fingernails.