Hateful Desire

Chapter 51

Hi, please don't be mad for how long this took. This was nearly 25 pages long so I had to stop at some point. I love you guys.

I walk into my bedroom as I told Draco to wait for me before going to sleep. I drape his robe off my body and walk into the bathroom. When I look at myself in the mirror, I stare.

I stare at how much I have changed these past months. I look at the scar on my wrist, the bones on my body that protrude from lack of food intake, and the pale layer of skin on my body.

I look at my face. It doesn't sit with innocence and bliss like it used to. It sheds strength and despair.

My mind flashes to my first week here in the Manor. How terrified I was being in the hands of Draco. I was clueless to the truth behind their show.

I move to the drawer below the sink and pull out my mother's necklace. I lift it in the air and move it across my throat clasping it behind my hair.

My fingers trace the jewels as I feel a sort of anxiety run over my stomach.

It's going to be okay.

I wash my face and body in hopes of taking away the fear in the pit of my stomach. As I run soap on my skin, I think of The Order. I know that we have numbers that could actually give us an advantage- but that is only if we can get the gems off the broken paragons.

We haven't truly tested it out yet, what if we get there and it doesn't work. Or it ends up killing someone in the process.

This is all moving so quickly that I don't think we have any time to stop and truly think of the danger behind it all.

I step out of the shower and dry myself with a towel. Taking some sleep clothes out of the dresser, I catch a glimpse of the large book filled with different origami paper. A smile grows on my face remembering when Draco had Tispy bring me some to distract myself from the first days here.

I comb my hair and throw Draco's robe back over my shoulders before leaving my bedroom quietly.

The hall is dark and cold, I thankfully only have to walk a few steps to get to Draco's door. When I do, the doorknob is unlocked.

When I peak my head inside, I see Draco sitting by the fireplace shirtless in only his loose briefs. His elbows lean on his knees as his face remains still staring at the fire.

The only light in the room is from the flame of the fireplace. I pad my feet towards him as he remains completely still.

"Hey." I whisper out.

His eyes slowly move to mine as I take a seat on the arm on the chair, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, "Hey." He responds.

"You alright?" I ask.

He looks back to the fire, "Yeah, just thinking."

I move my hand slowly against his skin. I feel the carvings from the scars across his back, each time I think about it, my heart shutters.

He adjusts slightly looking up at me, "Come here." His voice is low is raspy. He moves his hands up taking my back and legs pulling my body down onto his lap. I keep my arm on his shoulder as he pulls me into him.

"I'm scared Draco..." I say looking into his eyes.

"I know."

It's a similar conversation we have had before. But now, everything is about to change. This could end two ways, one of which being the most desirable outcome; the other would be complete and utter defeat.

As I start to think of it all, I feel my hands shake and my muscles tense. Living like this has made my anxiety attacks worse and worse. The ache in my gut only grows and makes my entire body react in ways I can't control.