Derek and Renee

Chapter 20

Dereks POV

I just woke up. Addison took the kids to school and was going to spend the day with them. Henry and Jake were going with them as well. Meredith was laying next to me and Lexie was in a little crib the nurses brought for her. They were both asleep. I grabbed my inhaler and used it. I put it on my nightstand and put my hand on Mer's cheek. I caressed her cheek and she woke up. She looked at me

"What" she smiled groggily

"You're just- beautiful" I smiled leaning into her

I kissed her lips

"When we get home. I will make you feel amazing" I smirked

"Oh will you" she smirked

"Yes I will" I smiled

"Mmhm you better" she laughed

I heard a little yawn come from Lexie and turned to my side to look at her. She stretched and held her hands in front of her face. She was slowly starting to wake up. I picked her up and handed her to me.

"I'm going to go feed and change her" she said getting off the bed

"Ok" I nodded

She grabbed the baby bag and left the room with Lexie. I laid back in my bed and grabbed the tv remote. I turned on the tv and used my inhaler. I grabbed the cup next to me and drank the water from a straw. I waited until Mer came back. She opened the door holding the baby carrier with Lexie in it. She took the baby bag she was holding and put it on the floor. I saw her wipe a tear from her eyes as she put Lexie's carrier on the ground

"Mer what's wrong" I asked

"I'm fine" she said looking at me

"No you're not find. You say you are, but your not" I said holding her hand

I rubbed the top of her hand with my thumb

"I just- I'm scared that I'm gonna lose you. I mean I just got you back and- I- I don't know" she admitted

I held my arms open and she started smiling. She leaned down and hugged me.

"I promise you that I'm not going anywhere" I said

The doctor came in.

"Dr. Shepherd here are your discharge papers. You're free to go" she said

"Thank you" I said holding my hand out

She shook it and handed me the papers. She left the room and I got off the bed. I took my gown off and changed into a white button up and black pants. I grabbed Lexie's carrier and held Mer's hand. We walked out of the room and went out of the hospital. We went into a taxi and they drove us home. I took Lexie in and Mer took Lexie's bag in. I took her out of her carrier and carried her upstairs. I went into her room and put her into her crib. I turned on some soothing music that she could listen to on a speaker. It was very soft and calm. I let her sleep and walked out of the room. I shut the door and my breathing immediately started depleting. I quickly grabbed my inhaler and used it 3 times. I walked downstairs and went to my bedroom. I laid face down onto the bed. I just wanted to lay there all day. No responsibilities, just sleeping and relaxing, and maybe other stuff hopefully. This drowning experience changed me, for the better I guess. All I want is Meredith and our kids obviously, but Meredith wow. It's like we haven't been connected, I mean we have, but it feels different, like I can't live or breath without her. I feel like a horny 14 year old right now. I laid my head down in my bed and started feeling my chest tighten. I quickly grabbed my inhaler and used it.

"Derek" Meredith said knocking on the door

She opened it and stood behind me.

"Go away" I mumbled knowing what I'd do