What's wrong with us when happy hurts

You're counting, you're counting on me now

Sara

Five months ago:

Sara was in a bar in Tibet when she made a decision that would change her life forever... yet again. Not that she was aware of it at the time. Not that she had ever been aware of the magnitude her choices would have on her life at the moments in time she had made them. Now the thought it could be a life-altering event never even crossed her mind. Why would it? All she did was answer her burner phone when she recognized Ollie's number. Nothing unusual there. She had stayed in contact with him, just as she had promised before leaving all those months ago. Oliver being the one who called was rare, though. She was usually the one calling him. He had only called her a handful of times; once to ask her opinion on his plans to propose to Felicity;

"Ollie, what I think really doesn't matter... This is your life and your decision... You should definitely do it if you love Felicity and feel she is the person who makes you happy and who you want to spend the rest of your life with... How are you planning on proposing?... I'm sorry I won't be there... Let me know how it went... I'm thrilled for you two... You deserve to be happy, Ollie, more than anything." she still wasn't sure why he had called to tell her before he asked Felicity but knowing that she was still the person he confided in before making a life changing decision made her feel valued as a friend and as if she were still a (important?) part of his life. It meant more to her than he would ever know. He meant more to her than she would ever be willing to let him know. He meant everything to her. He was her touchstone, her true North. He was her home.

The second call had been Christmas morning, well in Starling, not where she was but that was neither here nor there it was the thought that counted, to wish her a happy birthday. It had actually been his call that had reminded her it was her birthday; she hadn't even noticed that it was Christmas already. She would've forgotten all together had he not remembered and called her. Which, of course he had. He wouldn't be her Ollie if he hadn't. 

He had told her he had wished that he would finally get to spend her birthday with her again, for the first time in nearly a decade. And given that it was not to be, he would've been more than happy to send her gift to her, if he'd known the exact location where she was. So now it was up to her to come pick it up if she wanted it. He tried to keep the exchange light and make it sound like he was teasing, but she could hear the underling worry that came with him not knowing where she was and what kind of trouble she might have gotten herself into. So, she reassured him she was fine, physically anyway her mental state was an entirely different story and so not the point right now, he didn't need to know just how bad it got sometimes and how dark a place she regularly ended up in, nor the fact that she was mostly avoiding people and staying by herself, taking up living like a recluse which she was in a way. She was too dangerous; she had barely any hold on the bloodlust or the demons under her skin, she also had trouble silencing the voices in her head even less going against them. So staying away from people was crucial. She played along with the deliberately light tone he had chosen for their phone conversation and promised that she would come pick it up soon.

They both knew that her words were a blatant lie, and she didn't plan on coming home anytime soon, if ever, but pretended otherwise. 

They talked a little more, promised each other that they would stay out of trouble, yet another obvious lie on both ends, they knew better than anyone that neither one of them had ever managed to stay out of trouble for long, and hung up shortly after.

The third call had been two weeks after the first and was not what she had expected. Oliver had told her about everything that had happened the night that he had proposed to Felicity. She was shocked about the events and the aftermath.