What's wrong with us when happy hurts

This is the way that my sadness made me

Laurel

Laurel wasn't sure what to make of the last two days. She was happy to have both Oliver and Sara back home. She had missed them both dearly. They were family. But she was also very confused and kind of worried about their behavior. She thought they would be better by now. She realized the moment she had the thought it was not fair to them. And remembered words she had spoken to a worried Thea eight months ago:

"I'm honestly not sure that this is something that can be fixed. Neither can they..."

But it wasn't just the fact that her sister didn't seem to be better, but she had, honest to god, gotten worse. And Oliver, Oliver was hard to define. She wasn't sure how he was doing simply because he played his part to perfection and they might have believed him if he had been alone, if Sara hadn't been with him. Because Sara's presence disrupted Oliver's performance. His focus was entirely on her sister and that led to him slipping up every once in a while, even if just slightly. But enough for people who really knew him to notice, plus she, and she was sure Thea, too, had been watching him. And they could not be blamed by anyone after the weird behavior their respective siblings had presented when they came to pick up the apartment keys.

Except Oliver had seemed all right the previous day. Which is why she had focused her attention on her sister at first. But watching Sara meant watching Oliver, given the close proximity they kept during their time at her apartment. And Sara really didn't do anything that would've helped her figure out what was going on with her. She was merely sitting next to their childhood friend, holding on to him as if he were her lifeline and the only thing grounding her to this reality. Her sister had completely spaced and spent the afternoon staring at nothing. The only time there was any sign of life on her side had been whenever she went to the bathroom.

Sara had not said one word all afternoon, and yet Laurel felt that she and Oliver had had entire conversations with each other. Conversations she wasn't able to follow or understand.

They had moved as one when Dig mentioned baby Sara. They held on to each other. At first glance it looked like Oliver was trying to shield Sara from... something... but on second glance it was clear that yes, Oliver had pulled Sara into him, shielding her with the bulk of his body but when they turned around and left the room Laurel could see how her sister was stroking Oliver's arm soothingly and she did the same with her thumb on the hand that was held by the male. It reminded her of the moment when Sara had calmed a distraught Oliver down eight months ago. Their overprotective friend was shielding Sara from... them...? But why? The bloodlust? She might have believed that and simply considered it another consequence of her selfish and reckless actions that led to her sister's current state and bloodlust.  Had it not been for Sara obviously comforting Oliver for something... Her sister's actions made her feel like there was something else, something else, something more... this afternoon should have helped her comprehend and understand what was going on. Not lead to even more questions and confusion.

Was Oliver's strange reaction concerning Dig talking about baby Sara because it reminded him of William? And how he had to give him up? How he was not a part of his son's life to keep him safe? But Oliver hadn't minded hearing about and even spending time with their favorite tiny human before he had left Star five months ago. So that couldn't be it, right? Then what was it? Why would he and Sara have such strong reactions to Dig mentioning his daughter?

Laurel rubbed her temple. All of this was giving her a headache. She wished she knew what was wrong with two of the most important people in her life. She wished she knew how she could help them. Or what had happened to them while they were away. Something must have happened. Sara had seemed broken before she had left eight months ago, but now she was only a shadow of the person she used to be. She reminded her of a ghost. And seeing her like this felt like a knife to the heart. It hurt her so much to see her baby sister like this. She used to be so full of life, all smiles and laughs and jokes and fun. She used to be so much fun and had such a lust for life. And even after the Gambit when she first came back she was still so alive and full of light even if she hadn't seen it herself. But now she was just a husk. There was no light in her eyes. And it was all her fault.