What's wrong with us when happy hurts

I didn't get my perfect fantasy, it's more than a little maddening

Notes:

I am so so very sorry it has taken me this long to update.
Things have been really weird lately and there has been a lot going on.

I was also stuck on all ends and didn't know how to continue the story for a while. I was seriously struggling with this chapter.

Again, so sorry and I hope you like this chapter.

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Chapter 50

I didn't get my perfect fantasy, it's more than a little maddening got me second guessing everything that's happening

Laurel

She wasn't sure how much time had passed between the time Oliver had left and Thea arrived back home. Her head was still spinning from everything she had learnt, and her thoughts were going a million miles a minute. Trying to make sense of everything she had learnt in the brief span of time Oliver had been here. Connecting Oliver's version of events with Sara's and then there was her mind, pulling long forgotten incidents and memories from the back of her mind to the forefront, and giving them additional context she had been lacking for the last ten plus years.

All the arguments Ollie and she had had during the span of their four-year relationship were suddenly looking different, given her newfound information. There were so many things she saw in a different light now. Some of his behavior abruptly made more sense to her when she used to not understand it at all. And just assumed he was being immature. It was all so clear now. How had she not seen it before? How had she not realized the pressure he had been under and how uncomfortable he had been every time she had talked about their future and taking their relationship to the next level?

She should've realized it back then.

God, how could she have been so blind and ignorant? People had been warning her, her dad, her mom, even McKenna... and Sara. Sara had told her straight forward what was going on. How Ollie had been feeling. Her baby sister had even told her Ollie was cheating on her. Well, not in those exact words. And she had left out the fact who he was cheating on her with at that point in time. But still... Sara had tried to warn her. Had tried to make her understand Ollie was about to run, run from her. She had told her as much as she could've without implicating herself, or "ratting out" Ollie. And all she had done was attack her. Because she had known subconsciously that Sara was right. That Ollie wasn't ready, that things weren't as perfect as she had made them out to be... but she hadn't wanted to see. It had been easier to close her eyes from the truth and stay blind to all of those facts. To pretend once they moved in together everything would be fine, things would change. To attack Sara and accuse her of not being happy for her. Instead of facing reality and the possibility, she and Ollie might not be as perfect a fit as she had wanted them to be. That maybe the life she had dreamed of having for nearly a decade would never become a reality.

She had learnt so much about Ollie and about Sara in those two conversations. So much she had never known, she had never taken the time to learn. She had been so focused on school and achieving the image of the future she had created in her head that she had never paid as much attention to the present as she should have. All she had been willing to see was the future and the life she pictured Ollie and she would have.

She had been blissfully ignorant to what was going on in both her boyfriend's and her sister's lives. Just assuming that they were both acting out and being childish. Never realizing that there might have been a deeper, more serious issue which led to their self-sabotaging and destructive behavior. Or just how bad things actually had gotten. That it had gone far beyond having fun and overdoing it a little while partying, far past immature pranks and stupid little games to see if they could get away with it, like they used to do a lot back when they were kids.