What's wrong with us when happy hurts

You let me fall apart without letting go

Notes:

Just a little shout out to everyone who gave this story kudos or has commented! It means the world to me to know that people like this story and I really appreciate it!

Okay, so I struggled with this chapter a little and hope it makes sense and helps to understand Sara a bit better.

References to an eating disorder in this chapter.

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Chapter 33

You let me fall apart without letting go then you pick up the pieces and you make me whole

Sara

Sara sat down on the couch, after telling Ollie goodbye and small talking with her sister for a bit, trying to get comfortable after drinking some of her tea, buying herself some more time.

She had spent a lot of time mulling over and thinking about how she was going to have this conversation with Laurel. And how much of the truth she should really share. It would be easier to lie, it would almost be kinder to lie to her sister than tell her the whole truth. What difference would it make to omit some facts, to change the chain of events, to elude just how long she and Ollie had been sneaking around behind her back? She could easily keep some facts to herself, change the events to lessen the pain she was sure to cause her sister, and inform Ollie of the version of events she decided to share with her sister. She knew he would go along with whatever she chose to tell Laurel. He would support her decision to keep some things to herself and change others. No one would be the wiser. No one besides the two of them knew the truth.

The actual truth.

They were the only ones who knew how their affair came to be and for how long it had been going on. Only they knew the real purpose of their trip, the reason why he had asked her on the Gambit and the plans they had had. That was one aspect of the story that she was not going to share. And she knew that sharing that tidbit of information never even crossed Ollie's mind. Laurel didn't need to know that. Laurel would never know as far as both Ollie and she were concerned.

Letting Laurel know that Ollie and she had been involved in one way or another for almost two years seemed cruel. And would it really change anything? Would Laurel knowing the exact amount of time that they had been having an affair really make a difference? There was no need to actually share dates with her. She could easily tell the story without any dates or significant events that would lead to Laurel learning for just how long they've been betraying her.

But then again, this was about coming clean, starting over. A new beginning. Rebuilding her relationship with her older sister. Lying to her did not seem like a good way to start a new chapter in their relationship. Even if it would be kinder and spare Laurel some of the pain that she was bound to feel learning the truth about Ollie and her. Sara hated herself already, knowing the wounds that she would inflict on her sister.

But Laurel had asked for this.

She had asked for the truth, and Sara knew that she at least owed her sister that. Even if it would ruin their relationship for good, like a part of her was convinced it would.

She could recall everything vividly.

How her feelings towards Ollie had slowly changed during their trip to Yosemite National Park the summer before she started High School. How her heart suddenly skipped a beat, and she'd catch her breath whenever he had smiled at her or touched her, before speeding up. How special he had made her feel whenever he called her by the at the time new nickname Pretty Bird instead of the former Tweety Bird.