What's wrong with us when happy hurts

But I don't wanna die, just wanna get relief

Notes:

First of all, I'm really sorry that I haven't updated this story in forever.
Part of it is that the way Arrow ended Oliver's story was very dissatisfying to me. I personally don't feel they did him justice.
Another reason is that this story focuses heavily on Oliver and Sara's emotional troubles and mental health issues and that is very draining. To be honest, the way this entire series started out was a fun Canarrow road trip fic because I thought they deserved it after all the crap they've been through. But Oliver and Sara decided that they were not down for that because they were not in the right mind for that. And that's how it turned into this.
So, this is going to be a little rant, but I feel that it's important you guys know where I'm coming from.
The fact that this story is placed in Season 4/5 of Arrow and requires me to re-watch it plays into why I haven't been updating. The way Arrow ended makes it very hard for me to re-watch those seasons. Knowing he'll end up spending eternity with a woman that has treated him horribly on so many levels and occasions and chose her husband over his son and their daughter while Oliver would've given everything to be a part of their lives and watch them grow up but chose the sake of the world his children lived in above his personal desires. So, a man that selfless ending up with a woman that selfish gives me some trouble watching or re-watching the entire show to be honest. I've had my issues with Olicity and Felicity for a while, but the ending made it so much worse. I lost my father as a child and just the thought that my mom would've been like "oh well you're in your early twenties now, so I'm going to abandon you now" is inconceivable. What kind of mother does that? It would've been something different if she would've sacrificed herself like Moira did but this... I just can't...
Felicity had so little regard for her own daughter, even going out in the field while being pregnant and risking losing her when she had absolutely no reason to be in the field to begin with. Even less so given Sara was in town and Oliver even asked her to take it easy and be careful. I don't get how there are people who thought this was amazing and so empowering. In my opinion it was stupid and reckless and just showed how little she cared about the innocent life she was responsible for. And the ending of Arrow just confirmed that.

While I'll try really hard to stay fair to Felicity and not bash her, I just want people to know that this story will not paint her in the best light and she will be faced with consequences for her actions and behavior. I do not stand for any type of abuse even less when it's towards someone who's already struggling with mental health issues, which Oliver clearly is. If you have a problem with any of this, please turn away and do not read. Thank you.

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Oliver

Oliver dragged the hand that wasn't holding a drink over his eyes. The drink had been in his hand from the moment he had finished cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. It was still the very same drink hours after he had poured it. He'd been sitting in the darkened living room, staring out the window, watching his city for just as long.

The afternoon at Laurel and Thea's had been exhausting, and he felt emotionally drained. Trying to keep people from seeing just how emotionally out of balance he was, took everything from him. Well, the little he had left after giving most of his strength to Sara. He needed to be strong for her, for them both. At least in public.

The last thing he wanted was for everyone to know just how much he was struggling. How giving up his son, not being a part of his life was tearing him apart. Felicity's reaction to William, the utter lack of understanding and her hurtful words when he bared his soul to her were still haunting him. He had given her everything he had. Well, everything he had had left, and he knew it wasn't much. Not after losing Tommy. And then his mom. And then Sara again, for what he had believed to be the last time. The third time he had lost her to death, the first time he had proof in the form of her lifeless body. And then almost losing Thea.