What's wrong with us when happy hurts

The world is spinning but only in gray spiral into the unknown

Notes:

Sorry for the wait again. I hope this chapter was worth it. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

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Chapter 14

The world is spinning but only in gray spiral into the unknown Somebody shatter me

Laurel

Laurel looked up from the sink she had been staring into and holding on to for who knows how long. Just to see a face that looked a lot like hers but couldn't possibly be, stare back at her. The woman in the mirror looked pale, with red-rimmed eyes, her bottom lip was split, probably from biting down too hard to keep anyone from hearing her cry. Hiding in Oliver and Sara's bathroom. She just now noticed that the laundry machine in the bathroom's corner was on, right in the middle of the spinning circle. This might have also hidden the sound of her cries, if she was lucky.

This was a weird time to be doing laundry...

But what bewildered her the most about the image in front of her was the look of utter devastation and the pain in her eyes. Her hair was a big mess too. But worst of all was the reason why she was in the emotional state she was currently in. Why she felt like her heart was torn to shreds. No, not because of everything she's just learnt about her sister's struggles from Oliver, struggles she was going through because of her. Because she had decided to play God and bring her back from the dead. And now Sara was the one suffering for her sins. Sara was the one carrying the consequences of her older sister's actions.

And no, not because of the tough time one of her best friends was currently facing after giving up his son because of the danger he would put him in if he were in his life. Both of those things would have been a plausible and understandable reason for her to be upset and for her to be hurting about. But no, none of those very real and justifiable reasons were why she was feeling this pain. No, the utter and complete agony she was in right now had nothing to do with empathy, they were purely selfish.

And that knowledge made her feel horrible.

She wished her feelings were rooted in sympathy and were a manifestation of the pain of knowing just how much two of the most important people in her life were struggling. But they were not. She couldn't think about their pain right now. As selfish as that was, and it made her feel. But there was nothing she could do about that right now. She was too focused on her own pain. It was too fresh to push aside to be compassionate. Everything she had just learnt in the last hour was just too much to handle and deal with at once, so she needed to pick and focus on something and that happened to be the thing that was causing her pain. That affected her own emotions the most because it touched her very core and brought back a lot of feelings she had buried years ago. Feelings she had thought she was passed. Feelings that had now led to Oliver being able to shatter her heart for the umpteenth time and leave her all alone in agony again. Needing to pick up the pieces all by herself once more.

Oliver was going to be a father again...

Oliver was having a baby...

Oliver was going to have a second child...

Oliver was going to be a father again... to another woman's child... again.

Oliver was having a baby... with someone that wasn't her... again.

Oliver was going to have a second child... and she won't be its mother... again.

Sara was pregnant. With Oliver's child. Sara was going to make Oliver a father again, Sara was having Oliver's baby, Sara was going to have Oliver's second child.