What's wrong with us when happy hurts

Why would I wanna destroy somethin' I helped build?

Why would I wanna destroy somethin' I helped build? It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good I just fell back, watched and gritted my teethNotes:

This chapter was really difficult to write and I struggled to get it right, still not sure about it, but I figured it is as good as it will get.

I hope you guys like it.

Felicity

She still wasn't sure if she was grateful for the distraction Laurel had created by showing up at the Arrowcave and giving them something to work on or not. Not that it was going to be easy, given the fact Oliver had destroyed all of her equipment and was now insisting they work from his apartment because of it. As if his apartment could provide her with anything even close to what he had just destroyed. Normally she would've argued with him and pointed out that her apartment was better equipped than his. But she was still severely shaken by the way he had spoken and behaved towards her and the last thing she wanted to do right now was bring back his ire, now that his focus was no longer on her but on Laurel and finding out the details concerning Joanna's disappearance. No, she was grateful he was no longer single mindedly focused on her and looking at her with this intense, analyzing stare that had sent shivers down her spine and made her afraid of a man she loved.

She was aware of what Oliver was capable of, of course she was, she had seen it with her own eyes on several occasions but... something was different now, something had changed, and it was hard for her to recognize the man she knew, the man she had been engaged to, inside of those icy, calculating blue eyes. Maybe it was simply that she had never before been at the receiving end of this version of him. Or that she had either been safely behind him, shielded from the danger, protected by what probably had been exactly that look, or too terrified from whatever danger she had been in to notice the way he was looking at the people responsible for her pain and fear. All she knew for sure was that it was terrifying to be on the receiving end of this side of Oliver.

Everything about him had screamed danger, from his eyes, to his stance,... no she wasn't willing to risk riling him up even more by pointing out the flaw in his logic when it came to his choice for relocating them. So, she kept quiet for once and just did what she was told, following in step. The car ride had been more than awkward, and it had been so very difficult for her to not start to babble as a means to ease some of the tension trying to suffocate her. She hated the quiet. She hated situations like these where the tension was so severe that it could be cut with a knife. Felicity had to bite her lip to keep her natural impulse of talking under control, but she felt way out of her depths, unsure of Oliver's reaction if she were to give into her compulsion. She suddenly felt like she didn't know the man currently weaving his way through traffic at all. She didn't know who he was and where she stood, where they stood. And this scared her almost more than anything. The one thing she'd always been sure of about Oliver was that he never spoke to her like he did others, that he never treated her like he did others, that he regarded her differently, treated her differently, that she was special to him, that he would never... act towards her the way he did today. Oliver had always been so careful and collected when arguing with her, the few times they had and he always ceased to her wishes in the end. Something she was almost certain would not be happening this time around and she wasn't sure why, what had changed. All she had tried to do was help.

Her entire worldview concerning Oliver had just been challenged at its core, and she wasn't sure what to do with it and how to behave. What was still appropriate and what was not anymore? Whether he'd react to her natural behavior the way he always had before, with bemused affection or not? Felicity couldn't remember the last time she had felt so out of her depths and shaken in her belief system. So she decided to not think about it for now. It was only making her question even more, and she wasn't ready to face the implications that came with Oliver's action towards her choices yet. So she focused on something else.