What's wrong with us when happy hurts

I don't like tears don't wanna break down but I'm crying on the floor

Chapter 15

I don't like tears don't wanna break down but I'm crying on the floor

Sara

She vaguely noticed a warm hand on her arm, the soft touch was slowly breaking through the haze she was in. Her first instinct was to flinch away, this move helped clear a little more from the fog she was still encased in, it helped her notice a voice far away, sounding muddled yet familiar, she could barely hear it over all the other voices and noises, another hand joined the first one lightly touching her shoulder this time, before gently moving some of her hair from her face, knuckles softly brushing across her skin in a familiar caress, a caress she had gotten used to during the last couple of months. Not that it was any wonder. She was receiving it a couple of times a day... well, most days... not as often anymore as only a few short weeks ago...

Ollie...

She waded through the swamp and molasses that was her mind, trying to reach that oh so familiar and dear touch and sound.

Ollie...

No, that wasn't right, that wasn't possible, it couldn't be... Ollie was dead, lying at the bottom of the North China Sea not too far from the shores of Lian Yu. This was just another trick they were playing with her mind, he wasn't here, not really, he was never really here... it was only a dream, a wish, a hope, a trick of the mind, the herbs they made her eat, the tea they made her drink... She struggled against invisible hands that were holding her down, hurting her, pouring liquid down her throat while laughing at her... her own hands took hold of the wrists that belonged to the hands that were touching her oh so softly and carefully, pushing them away, trying to keep them from hurting her, they were hands and hands always ended up hurting her no matter how their touch started out it always ended in pain... pushing them away and yet pulling them closer, craving the familiarity that came with those soft touches, so what if it was her mind playing tricks on her? What if it wasn't real? If it ended up in agony? It would be worth it just to get lost in this hope, this dream, this wish...

Her mind was working on overload, trying to decipher illusion from reality.

"Open your eyes Sara, look at me. C'mon Tweety Bird open those gorgeous eyes of yours and look at me." She could hear the voice a little clearer now, it was a little closer too, but still too far away to seem real, it was still overlapped by the voices of Ivo's men and Ra's al Ghul.

But there was something, something that was pulling her closer towards that voice, that oh so dear and familiar voice. Something wasn't right. Tweety Bird... how did they know... Tweety Bird... how could they know... Tweety Bird... Pretty Bird... Ta-er al-Sahfer... yellow bird... Canary... Daddy bought her that Canary when she was ten... Tweety Bird... Tweety Bird... Saturday mornings at the Queens... Tweety Bird and Sylvester... Ollie and Tommy laughing, Laurel rolling her eyes while complaining about the noise, beautiful chirping, her pretty little bird made and Thea, tiny little Thea running around, already running after them on her short, little legs laughing, trying to catch up but not yet Speedy, still Thea with her pigtails and cute little purple footsie PJ's with the ruffles on her butt, the two-year-old was still too slow to be Speedy... Tweety Bird... because future-crazy-bird-lady was too long... and Ollie and Tommy were twelve and seriously lacking imagination... because it was Saturday morning at the Queens after movie night and they were watching Looney Tunes when she proudly told the boys about the pretty little Canary daddy had bought her... she was sitting on the floor with little Thea in her lap being excited about her little bird back home...

Tweety Bird... there was only one person who called her that, only one person still alive who had ever called her that. A nickname given to her more than a decade ago... mostly retired years before she ever set foot on the Gambit after it had morphed into Pretty Bird some time during Ollie's late teens. The original version of her nickname had only been pulled off the shelf it had been placed on years ago and dusted off a couple of months ago as a means to pull her back, ground her, remind her what was real and what was only in her mind. To let her know that she was not back in the League having mind tricks pulled on her. Because no one, not Nyssa nor Ra's or any other person who wanted to hurt her knew Ollie's childhood nickname for her.