What's wrong with us when happy hurts

I'm not much of a lover, I'm more a tough tough motherfucker

Notes:

I am so very sorry it has taken me this long to update. Real life has been kicking my ass lately and I've been struggling to just get out of bed on the days that I didn't have to work. I'm really working on it and I'm doing better now, writing helps but every time I sat down to write I just couldn't even though I missed writing and I missed this story so very much. I can't promise you guys to get back to my regular schedule right away but I'm doing my best and I'll be working less again soon so that will be a tremendous help too.

Again, I am so very sorry for making you guys wait this long. It's a rather short chapter but I just really wanted to post something. I hope you guys like it.

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Chapter 42

I'm not much of a lover, I'm more a tough tough motherfucker, But when the rain pulls me under, you stay and wait for the thunder We've been through too much to let it break I won't be making the same mistakes

Sara

The next time she woke up, staying in bed and trying to fall back asleep again wasn't even an option. Mila was pushing on her bladder. Sara slowly and carefully moved Oliver's arm from around her waist and scooted away from him as smoothly as possible, which wasn't very smooth at all. She stopped once their bodies no longer touched and checked to see if she had woken him up, actually expecting to be looking into his sleepy, slightly concerned sky-blue eyes. Yet to her utter surprise, Ollie was still out cold. Which was a testament of just how emotionally taxing the previous day and night had really been for him. Sneaking out of their bed without waking him up had already been almost infeasible before her pregnancy.

Now it was an act of impossibility.

Yes, that meant he usually woke up every single time she got up to pee. Normally he would just turn around and fall back asleep instantly after she assured him she and Mila were fine.

She padded, as quietly as possible, which wasn't as quietly as she would've wanted to or used to be, to their bedroom door and out of the room. Glancing back one more time to make sure that he was still asleep.

Sara decided to not head back into their room and risk waking Ollie up and moved towards the kitchen, noticing that she was actually starving. She had gotten better at recognizing and acting on the feeling of hunger, especially since she had found out about her pregnancy.

Eating when being hungry didn't come naturally to her anymore, and it was easy for her to ignore the feeling if she was otherwise occupied.

She'd love to blame Anthony, Lian Yu or the League for this issue of hers and both Anthony and Ra's did use it as a means to get her to do what they wanted and all of those things, including nearly starving to death after the Freighter went down and Anthony's former prisoners took their revenge on her, played into it but if she were completely honest with herself food and eating had been an issue for her since High School and she had learnt back as a teen to ignore the pangs of hunger in order to have a small remnant of control over her life.

It had felt as if it was the only thing in her life that she could control.

Everything had been spiraling out of her control. And there had been no one she could talk to, not after Ollie got together with Laurel. At least it had felt like that to her. She had felt no one cared about her or what was happening to her. And later on, when people had found out it had given her attention from Ollie and her parents and Tommy and they tried to take care of her.