What's wrong with us when happy hurts

I can't turn back now 'Cause you've brought me too far

Notes:

I am so very sorry! I know this chapter is all over the place but... it just... I tried to make more sense of it and clean it up but I don't know... nothing worked so this is what you get... let me know if you're confused or if it made no sense or... just let me know... not sure what happened here... my brain was just...

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Chapter 47I can't turn back now 'Cause you've brought me too far you're my only reason you're my only truth

Sara

"Malcolm somehow found out about William and told Damien about him. He even went to Central City to get him." Ollie's confession took her by surprise and pissed her off at the same time. Of course Malcolm played a part in ruining Ollie's life. Of course Malcolm wouldn't care about an innocent child, he hadn't cared about his own son after all and used his daughter to kill her.

"Had I not spared Malcolm's life after I found out he was still alive, after he had... after you... if I'd done what Nyssa and Laurel demanded of me, if I'd killed him back then, William might have never been kidnapped and I might not have had to give him up. But... I knew then that I should just do it, that I'd regret it if I didn't but I just... I couldn't do it, Sara. Not even for you." She could hear how difficult it was for him to talk about the events after her death, she could hear his voice breaking towards the end and she wished she could've spared him this pain, wished she could take it from him but she knew that nothing she did or said would ever take the anguish her death had brought him away. Not even her presence now. It was a memory that was forever branded on his heart. The pain may dull with time, but it would never disappear. She squeezed his hands in silent comfort, hoping it would help him, before pulling them away, so she could use them to get rid of some of the nervous energy coursing through her body.

She tried to calm her erratic heart and regulate her heavy breathing. She closed her eyes and started some of the mental exercises the League had taught her while processing everything she had learnt in the last few minutes. It had been a lot. Knowing that Malcolm had played a huge part in all of this was a lot.

Malcolm had always been a selfish bastard, at least for as long as she had known him, so the knowledge that he was more than that, that he was an actual psychopath came as no surprise to her. What she couldn't understand was why he was still alive. Even now. Even after what he had done to Tommy. What he had done to Thea. And especially now, now that she had learnt he had played a role in William's kidnapping. More than that.

He had been the reason William got kidnapped.

Malcolm was the reason Ollie's baby boy had been put in danger. Malcolm was the reason Ollie had given up his son. Malcolm was the reason Ollie had gone through and was still going through the hell the absence of his son in his life was causing him. It almost seemed that Malcolm was responsible for every bad thing that had ever happened to them, starting from the moment they had come back home... so why the hell was he still alive? Ollie had killed others for less.

She focused her mind back to the presence and turned her eyes to her husband, studying him intently. He was looking towards the floor, avoiding her. He looked remorseful, and there was a lot of self-loathing on his face. And a lot of pain in his eyes. Her eyes strayed from her husband's hunched over form to the picture on the coffee table next to him. A picture of Ollie and Tommy, taken at Tommy's 21st birthday party. Her eyes moved back to Ollie, she sighed.