What's wrong with us when happy hurts

I'm scared as hell 'Cause I can't get you on the telephone

Thea


She had decided to stay at the library after her last class to study and go straight to the Bunker after. Ollie had texted her earlier this afternoon to let her know that he would come tonight. She was glad and looking forward to seeing him again.

She had done what Quentin had suggested and let her brother know that she was here and willing to spend time with him whenever he was ready. It had been hard though. She knew that he wasn't okay and there was nothing she wanted to do more than show up at his place and make him feel better and have him tell her what was going on. The only thing that kept her from doing just that was the knowledge that Laurel felt the same way but was staying away to give them time to settle in and readjust.

No matter how hard it was.

She had talked to her roommate about it a lot. The older woman had pointed out to her that sometimes space and time was what people needed and that crowding them could make things and their anxieties worse. That did make a lot of sense to her, so she stayed away. But made sure to text him a couple of times a day. Mostly some random, funny or motivational memes that she just came across.

Ollie in return did let her know, at least once a day, that they were fine.

Thea was ripped from her thoughts by her phone ringing. She could feel the annoyed and angry stares of her fellow students and answered in a haste, without looking at the display, before even more people could glare at her.

"Hello?... Ollie? What's going... okay, yeah sure, where are you? Okay, I'll be there in like 10..." she had half expected Ollie to cancel for tonight, not him calling to let her know that he was outside, waiting for her. He had decided to come pick her up.

The way his voice sounded worried her. Something wasn't right.

She hurriedly threw her things in her purse and almost ran from the library towards the school's parking lot where her brother was waiting for her.

She saw him from the distance and her worry only increased. He was outside, his hands were on the hood of the car, his shoulders and head hunched over, and he was taking deep breaths. It only took her a moment to connect her big brother's behavior to the one eight months ago when Sara had calmed him down and therefore realize that he was having a panic attack and trying to calm himself down.

"Ollie... Take a deep breath... in and out... in and out..." she remembered what Sara had done and imitated the breaths she wanted him to take, she slowly put her hands on top of his and looked him straight in the eyes, just breathing with him. Ollie turned his hands around so that he could wrap them around hers and stared right back at her, following her instructions without hesitation. And she could see how he started to calm down, but kept breathing with him and squeezing his hands in a silent show of comfort.

"Thank you." His voice was quiet but grateful and he rewarded her with a small smile.

"Anytime, bro." she smiled back and him and squeezed his hand one more time, with as much strength as she could muster for good measure, before she let him pull his away.

"Do you mind driving? I'm not sure it'd be a good idea for me to continue. I feel better now but..." he looked at her questionably and let the sentence trail off, she knew what he meant... she realized that he must still feel out of sorts, he wouldn't ask her to drive otherwise. It was strange having her big bro, who always made fun of her driving and refused to let her drive his car, ask her to do just that.

"Sure, no problem. Gimme the key already. Seriously, what are you waiting for?" she decided to go with the impatient, annoyed little sister routine, to ease his discomfort that came with asking her for help, and get an eye roll and grin out of him. It always worked, and it did now too. Just like she had expected it to.

This, this right here was what she had needed and wanted to do for the past few days.

See him, talk to him in person, touch him and do whatever she could to make him feel better. She just now realized that she hadn't felt frustrated about the situation.

What she had felt was helpless.

She took the key from his hand the moment he held it out to her, smirked at him and got into the driver's seat waiting for Ollie to get in too. She touched his arm again for a moment while looking at him and taking another couple of deep breaths. Just like Lyla had taught her and Laurel a few days ago. The director of ARGUS had felt it important that they knew how to react and what to do after she had witnessed Sara having a panic attack.

"If you need them to go back to the place that led to the anxiety attack a moment ago, remind them again that you are here, that they are not alone and show them how to breathe once more. Maybe a light touch to help ground them in the here and now, but only if they give you permission. It helps them focus on something other than the reason they ended up panicking to begin with."

Oliver followed her lead again and gave her another grateful smile and a nod after a short moment. She took that as her cue to start the car.

They had only been on the road for a couple of minutes when Ollie's cell started to ring.

"Sara? Are you alright? Sara?... Thea turn the car around. We need to get home now." Her brother's voice went from confused and questioning to concerned and frantic in a matter of seconds. The part directed at her was firm and left no room to argue, not that she felt like arguing. He was back to talking to Sara as soon as he told her to turn around.

"Sara, listen to me, c'mon, listen to my voice. I'm here. You're home, you're safe, hang on I'm on my way home...Sara...they can't hurt you anymore..." Oliver's voice was frantic at the beginning and she noticed how he forced himself to make it sound calm and soothing. She snuck a quick glance over and saw the panic written all over his face and the complete and utter fear in his eyes. And she felt his panic take hold of her.

She had never seen him like this.

She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the street and driving. She needed to stay calm and not just because she was driving. No, because Ollie needed her to.

"We're almost there Ollie. Why don't I stop at the curb in front of your building and you jump out and I go park the car while you go check on Sara?" Stay calm, provide solutions. Give simple tasks that are easy to follow. Those were another set of tips Lyla had given her and Laurel in order to help Oliver and Sara in situations like these.

She stopped the car, touched her brother's arm for a moment to give him comfort and then pushed him towards the door. It took him a moment to figure out what was going on and what she wanted. But he was out the door as soon as he did, running towards the entrance door and inside the building, all the while still talking to Sara, who didn't seem to hear him, given his side of the conversation.

Thea parked the car, turned off the engine and dropped her head onto her hands on the steering wheel for a moment. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm her racing heart.

She was scared.

She was scared to go inside. Scared of what she might find. She was scared beyond believe. Oliver's frantic behavior had scared her to death. His panic led her mind down all the horrible paths of what terrible scene she might find.

Whatever it was that they were struggling with. Whatever reason responsible for their strange behavior, seemed to be a lot worse than she had expected. Sara appeared to be even worse than they had thought after the couple of times they've seen her since her return. Things must be unbelievably bad if Oliver reacted the way he just had.

She needed to pull herself together and she needed to get inside. Oliver needed her and Sara probably did too. She needed to be there for them, help them however she could. Not be another person they needed to take care of. She couldn't afford to be a burden to them.

Thea braced herself, squared her shoulders and got out of the car. Walking towards her brother's apartment with purpose.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oliver


He had felt on edge for a while now. It was the reason why he had decided to stop at Thea's school and have her drive them to the Bunker.

He thought it was because going to the Bunker meant facing Felicity and he wasn't ready to do that alone. Yet, he wasn't willing to take Sara with him either. She had offered, and it meant a lot to him, but he knew that she hadn't planned and still wasn't planning on setting foot in the Green Arrow's lair at all.

She felt it wasn't the kind of vibes or place the baby should be in. Given the natural association with violence that came with it. And he agreed. They were trying to keep and protect their child from all the negativity, pain and violence that came with their lives, bringing it to the place that represented all of that seemed wrong on so many levels. Even now in its unborn form.

Both Sara and he knew that places came with different energies and a place of violence came with bad and negative energies and those affected Sara and therefore the baby. Plus, a lot of the information they had read up on said that a child could feel and absorb the different energies and vibes around their mother and the places she was in. They weren't willing to subject their child to any of this, not if they didn't have to.

All of this was why he had never and still didn't like it when John brought his daughter there.

Little Sara Diggle was an utter ray of sunshine and so innocent and pure. She needed to be protected, from the horrors of the world, at all costs. Bringing her to the Bunker meant, at least indirectly, subjecting her to those horrors.

Felicity's screen usually showed content of crimes, all the weapons stacked in it represented violence, so did the training that was done there.

The Bunker was no place for a child, born or unborn. So, he told Sara to stay home if she felt okay to do that. He offered to call Lyla and have her come over if she wanted but Sara had refused and told him that she would be fine for an hour or two. Besides it wasn't the first time that he had left her alone and she had been fine.

He was sure that he was feeling on edge because of the possibility that he would be alone with Felicity and the knowledge that his refusal to put his leathers on would probably lead to an argument with everyone.

All of this made him anxious and he ended up pulling into the parking lot of the college his sister decided to go to. Calling her to let her know that he was here waiting for her. It gave him a moment to get some fresh air, try to relax and having Thea with him meant he wouldn't be alone while setting foot in the Bunker for the first time in months.

Thinking about the Bunker brought back the memory of Felicity giving him his mother's ring back, telling him to keep it this time and that she was already gone. He could feel the pain in his chest that the memory brought with it.

The Bunker was also the physical representation of why William wasn't a part of his life. Why he didn't even know how or where he was or if he was ever going to see him again.

But he tried not to think about that. Because thinking about his son hurt even more than thinking about Felicity. Thinking about Felicity hurt like a heavy weight placed on his chest in order to break his ribs and crush his lungs and heart.

But thinking about William... thinking about William felt like someone had cut him open and was trying to crush his heart with their bare hands before deciding to just rip it out of him completely.

The Bunker was the physical representation of all the reasons why he and Sara decided to give their baby away.

Oliver leant over the hood of his car taking gulping breaths trying to get out of his mind, change his thoughts to something positive, less painful but it was hard. It was so hard, and he wasn't sure he could manage when he heard his baby sister's calm voice telling him to breathe. He looked up from his hands after he took hold of hers, that she had calmly placed atop of his, and focused on her and her alone. He followed her lead and did as she told him. All the while drinking her in, memorizing her. Looking for the changes the last five months had brought in her and he could feel the anxiety slowly leave.

"Thank you." He tried to convey just how much, what she just did, meant to him and how grateful he was for her help.

She brushed it of as if it were nothing, but he could see in her eyes that she knew just how big a deal it was to him.

She again made light and acted like the spoilt, oblivious little sister she no longer was, just to make him feel better. He never thought that he could love Thea any more than he already did. Her actions, silent understanding and comfort once they were in the car proofed him wrong.

He was musing over some of the changes he had noticed in her earlier when his phone started to ring. He checked the caller ID and saw Sara's name flash across the screen.

He felt the uneasy feeling, he's had ever since he had gotten in the car, return and his heart fall into his stomach the moment he answered the phone.

Sara wasn't on the other end. She wasn't answering him. But he could hear the sounds in the background. He knew those sounds. Understood what they meant and what her not being able to answer his frantic words implied.

He barely recalled telling Thea to turn around but that was about as much attention as he could muster that wasn't focused on the woman on the other end of the line. He was desperately trying to reach her with simply the sound of his voice, but he knew, he knew she was too far gone for that.

He shouldn't have left her alone.

This was his fault.

Why had he decided to leave her alone? He had known, subconsciously that it was a bad idea to leave her alone tonight. He had never left her alone at night before.

He shouldn't have left her alone.

What if something was wrong with the baby?

Why did he leave her alone?

Let alone for something he didn't feel comfortable doing.

He should have never left her alone.

He was vaguely aware when Thea started to talk to him, but he couldn't focus enough to make out the words.

It took him a moment to realize that the car had stopped after she touched his arm. He looked outside and saw his building.

He nearly unhinged the car door in his rush to get out and to Sara. He hit the ground running and didn't stop, taking the stairs two at a time, until he crashed passed their entrance door and forced himself to slow down. So that he wouldn't startle and scare her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Felicity


Oliver didn't show up alone.

He didn't show up at all.

And neither did Thea.

Both Queen siblings couldn't be reached.

Thea's phone rang until voice mail kicked in and Oliver's phone had the occupied signal on. Laurel tried Sara's phone once she got here, and she and Dig filled her in, but Sara's phone was occupied too.

This meant that they didn't know what was going on. She had been annoyed and disappointed at first. She had really wanted to talk to Oliver and move forward.

But as time went on she, just like Laurel and Dig got more worried. Something was wrong, she was sure of it. Something had happened.
She checked the police scanner again, and the 911 calls... but nothing close to where Oliver and Sara now lived.

Laurel was on the phone with Quentin. Hoping he knew something.

And Dig was talking to Lyla. Maybe ARGUS could figure something out.

They should really just go to Oliver and Sara's. Make sure they're alright and nothing happened.

"Dad doesn't know anything or hasn't heard from them either. But he's on his way over there now to check up on them. He meant to drop in on them for a while now anyways." Laurel walked over towards the platform while talking to them. She still looked worried.

The district attorney had been the main reason she and Dig had started to worry as much as they did now.

Laurel had lost most of her usual cool, collected demeanor. She was very worried about her sister and Oliver.

It was still hard for her, and she thought even Dig, to grasp the concept that something might be really wrong in a very bad way.

They were talking about Oliver and Sara. Those two could take care of themselves. They could handle whatever the universe was throwing at them...right?

That's what she had thought.

Laurel seemed to disagree, so did Lyla and Quentin given his decision to go check up on them.

"He'll call as soon as he knows more." Laurel finishes.

"Lyla's worried too. She thinks leaving Sara alone might not have been the best idea. Given the fact that she had mostly stayed away from people and cities for the last eight months according to Oliver. That the darkness and noise of the city might have been too much and triggered her." Dig filled them in on his phone conversation.

"So, why are we sitting here waiting instead of going over there?" Felicity was getting frustrated. Why was it okay for Quentin to go check up on them but not for freaking Team Arrow? They were supposed to be the heroes helping people. So why were they just sitting around doing nothing except waiting for the phone to ring?

"Because if Sara is having an anxiety attack as a result of her PTSD, the last thing she'll need is her apartment, her home, her sanctuary being intruded by a crowd. It'll wouldn't just not help her, it would make the situation worse." The former soldier's explanation made sense. It didn't change the fact that she felt useless though. She checked the police scanner and the 911 calls again. Looked at the clock at the bottom of her monitor, it would take Quentin at least half an hour to get there... she checked the hospitals again to see if Oliver, Sara or Thea were admitted as an emergency...

She looked up and watched Laurel pace for a moment, then turned to Dig who decided to work out as a distraction.

She checked the clock again...

Then the police scanner...

911 calls...

Hospitals...

Laurel...

Dig...

Clock...

Police...

911...

...

Desperately waiting for any word as to what was going on.