What's wrong with us when happy hurts

Hands on my neck, foot on my back I could make it alone

Notes:

This chapter has taken a different turn than originally intended, I just decided to roll with it, lol. I hope you guys like it.

Thank you so much for everyone's kind words and well wishes, it means a lot. And I've been doing a lot better the last week or so... so it's all good.

As always let me know what you think. :)

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Chapter 43

Hands on my neck, foot on my back I could make it alone, I got all that I need to survive Through the sweat and the blood, I know what I'm made of

Sara

Sara took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts in order to explain them to Ollie in a sensible way. She was trying to protect Mila, they both were. Keeping the negativity and violence that came with everything Green Arrow related away from her. They had stopped talking about that part of Ollie's life a while back, once Mila had developed enough to hear sound outside of her mother's body.

And it was still a choice she firmly believed in.

But her need to shield her daughter from the dark side of the world and the harsh reality of life for as long as she could was in direct contrast to her need to know the specific dangers Ollie was currently facing. Not knowing what Ollie was up against gave her anxiety of the worst kind, and that wasn't good for Mila either.

It was a lose-lose situation.

But Sara was almost certain that her anxiety was worse for her daughter because it could lead to lasting effects and consequences for her, which she might carry with her for the rest of her life. This was something she wanted to avoid at all costs. There was nothing that scared her more than the thought of her being responsible for mental health issues Mila might end up having. The thought of her daughter having to deal with the same struggles Ollie and she were facing on a daily basis was scaring her to death and paralyzing. The last thing she'd ever want was for her daughter to experience the mental hell her parents did.

It was why she was trying so hard to get better, to be fine, to not let herself be swallowed by her demons. She was trying so hard to keep the negative thoughts away, to focus on the positive which had been a lot less difficult the last couple of days. Just being with Ollie with no outside influences had done wonders to her mental health, but now that they let reality back in it was becoming harder again, especially with Ollie's current struggles.

Because Ollie struggling meant that he was not in a position to take care of her, to be as considerate and attentive to her as he usually was, and that was fine. She got that, and she didn't expect him to take care of her all the time. She didn't need him to. They took care of each other, they always had.

They were equals in their relationship.

But it wasn't making focusing on the bright side easier. It wasn't helping in keeping her anxiety away. So she needed to know what was going on. She needed to know the greater picture of what Team Arrow was dealing with in order to at least be able to keep her anxiety in check and not let it spiral out of control, as it had the previous night. Still she didn't feel comfortable talking GA business in front of their daughter, it wasn't right. Their innocent baby girl should not be exposed to that darkness, to the violence, the pain and the horrors.

She hadn't needed to know what was going on before last night, because Ollie had always let her know whether or not he was coming home. Texted her throughout the night, even knowing she was probably asleep, just to make sure she'd see his texts and know he was alright should she wake up, which she did regularly thanks to Mila resting on her bladder.