Perfectly Imperfect

Rant

Okay. This might come off as rude and insensitive to some readers but I really hope you understand tho ❤️

Almost 95% of my readers thought Kunmi character's arc would be her losing weight and stepping into the ideal body before she'll finally be able to live with herself. Why? Can't fat/plus size people be confident about themselves and their body?

I can't even count the number of times readers, even the readers I thought should be sensible have trivialised and in one way or the other body-shamed her. Most of the comments about her, especially at the beginning were readers telling her to stop eating that much, comments like "excuse me, but you're complaining that you're fat when you're eating that much." and even more derogatory comments that really got to me.

Another very active reader was telling me that "I can assure you that if Kunmi should lose weight, she'll feel more confident." (I just had to laugh at that because how will you assure me of what my own characters will do. Does that mean you know them more than I do? That comment was honestly so funny) and even furthering hammering it in other comments that Kunmi should diet and just lose weight. Number one, fat people don't have to diet or lose weight to feel confident in their body. If a fat person have extreme low self extreme, they can never truly love themselves even if they diet and become the slimmest person in the world. Why? Because they feel like being fat is a very horrible thing and they'd do anything not to get fat again, eating disorders set in, obsessive thoughts, anxiety disorders, compulsive exercises and the likes set in.

And spoiler alert, dieting doesn't even work. No fat or plus size person can't just diet, lose weight and just stay like that. (And no, I'm not talking about baby fat). 99% of people that diet always invariably gain the weight except they keep dieting forever which is a form of eating disorder.

So books and movies where there's fat girl who's bullied and made an outcast and has a crush on the school's most popular boy but the boy bullies her and then they go for summer break and she comes back with a banging body and the boy start noticing her and then, they start and then everything becomes perfectly fine in her world. Guys, that's totally wrong, I must because it doesn't work that way. Body image issues are not that simple. Honestly, the whole fat shaming and fat phobia and eating disorder and dieting thing are so so complicated that I didn't even do 10% justice to it. It's so broad and there's even a whole industry and culture that profit from this, the Wellness Industry and the Diet Culture but don't worry, my next book and my next and my next and my next are all in one way or the other inspired by the Wellness Industry and the Diet Culture. I'll soon post some things about this on my IG story tho.

Another reader actually commented that if she was in Kunmi's position, she'd starve herself to get anorexia. Do you even know what anorexia is??? Can you comment that you'll consciously do something that'd will damage your liver, your lungs, your kidney, reduce your heart rate and invariably affect your brain? Because that's what anorexia nervosa will do to your brain in the long run. I wasn't even annoyed by the comment, I was just disturbed. I was very disturbed because I just realised that we know little about these things but despite knowing so little, we assume we know everything, then we trivialise these things and we make jokes out of it.

Pathetic, I tell you. Because I'm so sure this particular reader don't even know anorexia nervosa is.

And another thing, my mental health awareness campaign chapter was inspired by Aminah. You'll remember that she left during the speech and that's because she felt so triggered and attacked when the female speaker was talking about her challenges after losing weight and when Akin was talking about speaking up when you're going through something.

Honestly, Aminah wasn't happy at all. Her eating disorder ruined her mental health and she felt so worthless and lonely and broken and each minute she spent in the clique only worsened her disorder. Each time Kunle subconsciously picked Sophia over her, she didn't see it as Kunle liking Sophia because she, Aminah manipulated Kunle into dating her, she saw it as Kunle picking a slimmer girl over her and each time you guys wanted more of Kunmi and Sophia while seeing Aminah as some sort of irrelevant thing, well, it did make her feel more irrelevant.

Eating disorder makes you a very twisted version of yourself. It convince you that you don't deserve anything, it takes away the sunshine and love in your life. It makes you so manipulative, makes you a liar because you have to keep secrets and lie to your loved ones once you start slipping into ED. And still, this mental disorder is like the least visible mental health disorder. You best friend, someone you see everyday can have eating disorder and you won't have the tiniest idea. I have an average of 700-1000 readers and just TWO readers were able to guess that Aminah had issues with her weight and that she has an eating disorder. I'm going to have to crown those readers as my most observant readers.

Another thing about eating disorder is that people like Aminah represents less than 25% of the people with ED. More than 85% of people with ED are fat, plus size people who no matter how chronic and physically challenging their disorder becomes, they don't lose weight which makes it even harder for them to come out because people won't believe them because apparently, "you have to be slim and extraordinarily thin if you have an Eating Disorder." which is totally wrong. Even in Eating Disorder, fat people still get discriminated against. That's just how unfair the world is to fat people. Eating disorder is a mental disorder, not a weight disorder.

A friend was telling me that there's this girl in their school, a fat plus girl who people deem her stature as 'ridiculous' and they not only body-shame and ridicule and laugh at her to her face, they take her videos whenever she's walking or doing anything and they post it on their WhatsApp status. Imagine! Just try to imagine what they're doing to her mental and psychological health. And that's the reality of most plus size people. Honestly, people that fat shame deserved to be jailed and punished severely. Fat-shaming should be a punishable crime.

There's this Dano advert that comes up majorly during big brother. Something about coming out of your comfort zone and putting yourself out there. The plus size lady signing up for the fashion show is good but including the plus size man signing up for gym as an achievement is just not. Anything that glories dieting and exercising as an achievement or as a must is just not it.

Okay. Okay. About my mental health campaign, the thing is, please speak up. I know it's not easy, coming out and speaking up but trust me, it's worth it. Fine, 9 out of 10 people might not believe you but at least, one person will believe you and help you. Why not gamble on that one person?

Aminah didn't speak up and that's the only reason her story ended the way it did. Fine, her mother fucked up but if Aminah had talked, if Aminah had come clean to her mom, that woman would have moved mountain to make sure her daughter gets all the help she needed. Her whole family would have stayed and rooted for her too but well, mental health is still being stigmatised and because of how we treat mental health, people find it so difficult to speak up and we don't treat it the way we treat physical health.

Most people here have family doctors even though they don't have any disease or anything. The doctor is just someone you call or go to when you have malaria or cold or fever or anything but how many people here actually have a counselor or a therapist even though they don't have any mental health disorder?

So, please speak up. We don't have forever here  but at least, we deserve to spend whatever time we'll spend here in absolute peace and happiness. Don't let anything kill you from the inside, you deserve a life full of peace and happiness and fulfilment.

That's all! For now! I'm pretty sure I forgot some things but well, we move.

You're welcome and thank you for listening to, reading rather, my Ted Talk.

See you guys soon, hopefully.