Nothing Else Matters - Perrie Edwards

Chapter Sixty One

I made my way slowly up the stairs with a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other. I was pretty sure it had been less than ten minutes but I was desperate to know what she was up to.

I stood outside the bedroom door, listening. "Perrie?"

"Come in."

I nudged the door open and almost dropped the bottle. "Oh my god."

"Hey roomie." Perrie said huskily.

She was laying across the bed, her head propped up in her hand, in nothing but a lacy black bra, so tight she looked close to bursting right out of it, and matching thongs, barely even there they were so small.

"Aren't you gonna come and join me?"

"In a minute. I need a second."

"To do what?"

"To fix this in my memory forever." I said and Perrie giggled.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

"Really?"

"No, not really!" Perrie laughed. "Babe I'm supposed to be being sexy here, you're not meant to be making me laugh."

"Are you cracked in the head? You're the sexiest woman alive... especially when you laugh." I approached the bed but Perrie held her hand out. "Stop."

"What?"

"Wait." She got up, closing the distance between us and snatching the wine off me, placing it down on the side. She took my hands, twisting our fingers together and turning me around.
"Lay down."

Perrie threw my top off and pushed me onto my back, crawling on top of me and kissing my half toned abs. She kept going up, reaching my lips but stopping, hovering over me and smiling. "Erm, babe?"

"Huh?"

"My face is here, not on my chest."

I tore my eyes up to meet Perrie's, my mouth dry. "S-sorry. You just - I can't think straight right now."

"Oh really?"

"I don't think you've got any clue how turned on I am."

Perrie smirked, stroking her hand lightly down my stomach then sliding it easily into my tracksuit bottoms and past my boxers, gently squeezing my erected cock. I gasped loudly, gripping the pillow.

"I think I've got a fair idea babe."

I couldn't cope with how beautiful she looked. It was sending me dizzy. I threw my arms around Perrie and rolled her over, pinning her underneath me.

"Woah!" She giggled. "Easy!"

I slammed my lips against hers, running one hand around her back and unclipping her bra. Perrie moaned as it came loose and threw it across the room. "Thank god for that, I couldn't breathe!"

"Why did you have it on so tight then?"

"Just wanted it to look good... did it?"

"Are you kidding me? I nearly passed out when I walked in here."

Perrie continued her adorable, girlish giggling as I kissed my way down her chest, closing my mouth over one nipple while gently massaging the other. She sighed contently as I eventually claimed her other breast in my mouth, arching her back and groaning my name as I slipped my hand between her legs, stroking her through her impossibly thin underwear.

Perrie grabbed at the material and tugged it to pull it down, but I stopped her. "No." I whispered. "Don't."

"But-"

"Leave it on."

Perrie just stared at me as I pulled the material to one side and pressed my fingers against her soaking entrance.

"Do not start teasing now." She grunted through her teeth, placing her hands on my face. "Kiss me."

I let her pull me towards her, but stopped a hair's breadth away from her lips, staring into her eyes and sliding my fingers inside her. She groaned, wrapping one leg around my back, never taking her eyes off me as her breath quickened and she rolled her hips rhythmically allong with my movements. "Harder."

I entered a third and fourth finger inside her and Perrie swore loudly, letting go of me and gripping the sheets. "Fuck, what're you doing to me?"

I let her claim my lips, only briefly before kissing her neck. She ran her hand through my short hair, her body shuddering. "I'm close." She gasped, biting my collarbone gently. "Go faster."

"Say please." I whispered, smiling to myself as she whined loudly.

"Bear, please!"

Her cries became louder as I rapidly increased my movements, and Perrie dragged my lips back to hers, thrusting her tongue into my mouth before her body finally trembled with release and she fell back. "Oh, fuck Jakob."

I lay with my chin resting on her chest, watching her contently, sprawled out underneath me with her eyes closed, catching her breath.

"You alright?" I checked several minutes later.

"Not sure yet." She grunted. "Give me that over a workout at the gym any day."

"It would be my pleasure." I grinned.

"Or mine." She giggled. "Come here babe."

"I'm right here."

"No come here so I can see you, I can't bloody move after that."

I pulled myself up, level with her, and she opened her eyes.

"Hey you, sex maniac." I heard her pretty voice once more.

"That's a bit unfair babe... what did you expect me to do when I saw you like that? Open the wine and put the telly on?"

"Course not. God... I'm actually sweating like a nun at a cucumber stall."

"Oh my god, what?!" I laughed.

"Oh shut it, my brother used to say it... D'you fancy a shower?"

"I fancy you."

"Do you fancy me in the shower?"

"Absolutely."

"God look at these man." Perrie sighed, stepping out of her thongs and into the shower after me. "They're soaked." She giggled. "I'll have to throw them away."

"Excuse me... I thought they were my moving in gift?"

"Oh yeah... they were, they are, sort of. There's something else."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it can wait though... we're not done yet."

She kissed me, softly at first but deeper and more passionate with every passing second. She pulled me under the powerful spray of the water with her, tightening her arms around me and sliding her hands down my back.

A few seconds later she pulled away, whipping her hair back. "You still can't relax with me can you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're all tense babe."

"I don't mean to be, I didn't realise." I said truthfully. Perrie had her serious face on. "Babe don't look like that. I'm fine, honest."

Holding my middle, Perrie turned me around, pushing me until my back hit the cold tiles of the shower wall. She had her lips pressed firmly together, like she was trying not to laugh.

"D'you - have - any - idea - how - fucking - handsome - you are?" She whispered between kisses. I chose not to answer, watching mesmerised as she lowered her head to my chest, slowly kissing her way down. Perrie briefly straightened up to kiss me again, smiling as she dropped to her knees, gripping my hands.

"Pe-"

"Sshh." She interupted. "Just let me love you."

Once again, my body stiffened, but this time for all the right reasons as Perrie's mouth landed on my dick. She started to lick the end slowly, one of her hands wrapped around it.

I had my palms flat against the wall, with nothing to grip onto, and my legs were starting to shake.

Perrie started to move her hand and mouth up and down together and I actually almost fell over. "Perrie I'm gonna fall, seriously." I gasped, one of my hands now on the back of her head.

She pulled back and said. "You won't, I promise."

She removed her hand and was now only using her mouth, her tongue moving in a circular motion over the tip every so often. I swore, staggering sideways again, but she held onto me, bobbing her head a little faster.

"Pe-Perrie, oh my god, Perrie!" I shouted as a powerful orgasm tore through me moments later, the intense climax sent me into ecstasy.

"You okay up there?" Perrie grinned, slowly getting back to her feet. She pulled me back directly under the shower, kissing me and pulling our bodies together. "God I can feel your heart beating."

"I think I need to lay down."

"Yeah you look a bit... dazed. I feel a bit tired myself actually."

"I never would've noticed."

"Want to get an early night babe?"

"If I had it my way we'd never leave that bed."

"Sounds perfect... but we'd probably decompose and die sooner or later."

"Perrie that's disgusting." I laughed. "Way to kill the mood!"

"Sorry. Come on then, aren't you gonna scrub my back?"

"Such a diva..."

**

I sat flicking through the TV while Perrie took the empty bottle of wine back downstairs. An early night had turned into full on sex in the shower, and a second round that was meant to be on the bed but we didn't quite make it and just ended up on the floor at the end of it, then finally collapsed in a heap, switching on a random film about a volcano. We hadn't really watched it, just drank and kissed and cuddled.

Perrie came back in while I was engrossed in an old live performance of Blondie's, crawling back on the bed and kissing my neck, trying to distract me. "What's this you're watching?"

"Seriously? You don't know who this is?"

"Erm... vaguely recognise that woman but... not really, why?"

"Me and you need some words about your musical education babe." I said, shaking my head mockingly. "How can you not know Blondie?!"

"That's Blondie?"

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Where did you find that?"

"There's all sorts on TV if you look hard enough. I'm gonna make you a playlist. If you're not familiar with Blondie, who knows what else you're missing out on."

"Wow check you out getting all serious." Perrie smirked.

"I know my classics, I appreciate excellence." I winked.

"Aye... right, I've got something for you."

I sat up slightly, staring at the little box Perrie sshoved into my hand. "What's this?"

"Just open it."

"Fucking hell Perrie." I exclaimed. Inside was a beautiful chain with a pendant in the shape of an old style key.

Perrie took it back off me and lifted it out, crossing her legs and shuffling next to me. She pointed to the head, where there was a tiny diamond-like jewel embedded there. "That's Topaz, that's your birthstone." Perrie explained. She moved her finger down the shaft, and I brought it closer to my eyes, squinting. "And they're your initials."

"Oh wow." I whispered.

"Look."

Perrie turned the chain over, and I smiled. On the other side was a similar stone and three different initials; Perrie's.

"Your birthstone?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"Mine's a Ruby."

"Perrie, it's gorgeous... this must've been so expensive, what-"

"Nuh-uh don't do that." Perrie interupted. "Just put it on, you do want it don't you?"

"Course I do... it's incredible." I cupped Perrie's face after she hooked the long chain around my neck. I kissed her, trying to transfer things I couldn't put into words into the kiss. "Thank you so much babe."

"You're welcome."

"What made you... I mean why... yeah, what made you get me this? We've never..."

"I know, men don't really like jewellery much." Perrie smiled. "Well..." I frowned as she stuffed her hand in the pocket of her joggers, fumbling around. "I thought it might go nicely with this." Perrie opened her fist and handed me an ordinary door key, making me laugh.

"Thought you might be needing one... since you live here now, like."

"Thanks roomie." I chuckled, holding my arms open for her. "So..." I played with the chain around my neck. "What's this then, the key to your heart?"

"Nah that's way cheesy." She giggled. "I just thought it was nice... and you can wear it either way."

"Yeah... hey, I can wear it like this now, and the other way with your initials forward when we go public."

For a second I expected Perrie wasn't going to answer; she paused, and I immediately worried I had said the wrong thing. Because I still wasn't completely sure she was comfortable with going public after the tour.

But she simply turned her head and kissed my cheek, shuffling under the covers and pulling me with her. "You can wear it either way whenever you like babe. Come on, turn your Blondie off and fall asleep with me."

"You will listen to Blondie, I will make you." I said, turning off the TV and laying down properly. "I live here now, I'm gonna blast her albums right through the house until you know it by heart."

"Hmmm." Perrie said, clearly not paying attention since her eyes were closed.

"Maybe I'll see if they've got her on the jukebox when we go out tomorrow..."

As I expected, Perrie's eyes snapped open. She crawled on top of me, resting her hands on my stomach. "Tell me where we're going or I'll tickle you."

"Awh come on, that's not fair. Let me surprise you." I pouted.

"God not that face!" Perrie groaned, rolling off me.

"That's a bit harsh babe... I've got to live with this face."

Perrie started jabbing my ribs and I started to squirm out of her way, but she swung her leg over me. "Aaahh, Perrie, please, no, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!"

"Stop - being - such a - bloody - smart arse!" Perrie said, punctuating each word with a poke. "God I dunno when you got so funny but I think I preferred you when you were quiet."

"You know I'll just pretend to be all quiet and shy now until you take that back." I murmured, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her against me.

Perrie moved her head onto my shoulder, apparently preferring my arm to a pillow. "You know I don't mean it babe... I loved you then, and now... and always."

"Cheesy." I teased. "I love you too. More than anything, you were right we should've done this ages ago. Pez thanks so much for being so patient with me... I'm sorry it took me forever. I'll make it up to you yeah?"

Perrie ddin't answer and I leaned back slightly, realising she had fallen asleep. Smiling to myself I gave the covers a tug and closed my eyes, kissing her head. "Night roomie."

**

"Won't we get seen around here?"

Perrie got out of the car, looking left and right nervously. She was dressed casually in a pair of light grey jogging bottoms, a plain white top and a baseball cap with her hair up, sunglasses resting on the rim of the hat that she quickly fixed on her face as she stepped into the street. I had directed her literally around the corner from where I was taking her, behind a disused cinema and restaurant, half of which was now converted into where we would be spending the afternoon.

"Don't worry." I assured her, taking her hans. "It's quiet around here on Sundays. Nobody works so all the commuters are absent. All the students are still ib bed from their wild Saturday night. Believe me this is the best time we could ever come here. We'll be fine."

"Why? Where are we going?" Perrie whined, jumping on the spot like a small child.

"You'll see in about ninety seconds."

"Fine..."

"One question though."

"Yeah?"

"How are you with large balls?"

Perrie just stared blankly at me as I laughed at my own joke. "Did you have a drink this morning?"

"No, seriously!"

"I dunno what you're on about... you're freaking me out a bit."

"Never mind, you'll get it soon."

"No, what do you mean?"

"Here we are." I opened the door for Perrie and we heard the unmistakeable sound of a bowling ball hitting pins. "Bowling?" She gasped. "That's your bowling joke? Big balls? Bear that's bloody terrible!"

"I know... so you up for it?"

"Oh my god yes! Come on!" She squealed.

"See, now that behaviour and you'll definitely draw attention to yourself." I pointed out.

"Oh... got it. Normal. Right."

"Let me do the talking babe." I laughed.

Perrie took my hand again and we approached the desk. "Hi, can we have a lane please... what do you think babe? Best of three games?"

Perrie simply nodded at me, and I paid for three games, trying not to laugh.

"What names?" The woman behind the desk asked. I paused. Should I use our names?

Perrie made me jump as she threw her arm over my shoulder. "Pinky and the Brain! Can we do that, have daft names?"

"Of course." The woman nodded with a smile. "Pinky and the Brain it is. What sizes is it?"

I told the woman our shoe sizes and we headed to the bench by the lane and I watched the names pop up. "So which is which?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm the brain." Perrie said, her face so serious I had a fit of laughter and she ended up waiting impatiently for me to tie my shoes.

"So." I said, standing up and grabbing a ball, weighing in my hands. "How often have you bowled?"

"Quite a few times, but not for a couple of years... you?"

"Oh, I'm a master. You're going down."

"We'll see." Perrie scowled playfully. "Babe there's literally nobody else here, what id the staff watch and laugh at us?"

"Just cos they work here, doesn't make them experts. Anyway screw 'em. We can't be good at everything... and you should see Lauren."

"She good?"

"She's absolutely terrible. I've seen blind animals bowl better than her."

"Well, maybe you'll meet your match in moi." Perrie said. "After you, Pinky."

"Thanks Brain."

There wasn't much point in us playing a third match because Perrie absolutely thrashed me in the first two, but we went ahead anyway.

Perrie kicked the third game off with a strike and did a victory dance back towards me. I just shook my head in disbelief. "I thought you hadn't done this in years?!"

"I've not! Skills just stay with you sometimes... like riding a bike. Your turn!"

I aimed right at the middle, but my bowl veered to the left and only knocked two pins down. I sat back down and Perrie just laughed at my sulky pout, sliding closer to me and placing her hand on my leg. "You know what?"

"What?"

"Everytime you pick up a bowling ball... and you tense those strong arms..."

"I see where this is going." I said, watching Perrie lick her lips. "You've made your point. It's your bowl babe."

"Kiss first?"

I happily obliged, giving Perrie's bottom a slap as she stood up and making her jump.

"Striiiiiiike!" She cheered a minute later, skipping back to me and sitting on my lap. "Awh babe... d'you want me to show you?"

"You can't teach luck. That's all this is, sorry. There's no way you're this good all the time."

"I bet I can make you get a strike."

"I bet you can't!"

"Right you're on, come here then!"

I picked up a ball and Perrie stood behind me, sliding her hands slowly down my muscles. "The trick is, look at the ball and not the pins. Watch where you're putting it."

"Alright Don Carter."

"Who?"

"Famous bowler in the 50's."

"How the hell do you know that?!"

"I just remember reading it once." I laughed.

"Whatever." Perrie tutted, rolling her eyes. "Such a smart arse..."

"I don't get it though."

"What don't you get?"

"How am I meant to watch the ball when I have to swing it behind me to throw it?"

Perrie opened her mouth to answer, but started to frown, apparently stumped. I sniggered, biting my lip.

"Alright, just... right, try not letting go once your arm reaches your side, keep going and lean forward more before you let go... stick your bum out a bit more."

"Are you saying that to help me or cos you're stood behind me right now?"

"Why don't you try it and find out?"

I took a deep breath. Perrie kept her hands on mine, moving forward with me as I strode forward to bowl and sliding one hand across my abs as I leaned and let the ball go.

"Yes! Close enough!" I grinned, hitting all but two pins.

"Told you!" Perrie said, her arms around me, swaying us side to side.

"I still don't think you said that to help my technique."

"Okay you got me... but hey, two birds and all that."

"D'you want to go for a drink after this?"

"Can we do that?"

"We can do what we like." I laughed. "Don't worry. I know a place, it's a bit gothic but it's got nice dark booths, private... what do you think?"

"Sounds good. Okay, we'll go for a drink."

"Cool. Right, I bet you I can get a strike before this game's up."

"And if you don't, you buy all the drinks." Perrie winked.

"You're on!"

**

Perrie and I got back late that afternoon, having had a fair amount to drink and left the car to pick up the next day and got a cab home.

Perrie fell on the sofa, giggling breathlessly at nothing.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing..."

"I'm gonna get you some water... me as well actually, I need to sober up a bit."

Perrie followed me into the kitchen. "Can I have a cuppa instead?"

"Course you can."

"I love you." Perrie said in a baby voice, hugging me from behind. "Today's been brilliant... you make me feel so normal babe."

"You're always telling me you are normal."

"Yeah but you know what I mean. I'd be too scared to go out like that by myself, or with anyone else actually. I just forget everything when I'm with you. I mean I know we probably got spotted once or twice today but I don't care."

"Good, I'm glad you had fun."

"And kicked your ass."

"That too!"

"You know what we should do? We should get one of those old Wii games and have different matches on them. I always wanted one but never had anyone to play with."

"Aawh babe... I'll get you one for Christmas."

"That's too far away!" Perrie pouted.

"How about as an after tour present? Pass me the milk please?"

"Awh that's cute! Then we can hide away from all the paps and just play bowling and stuff on the Wii all the time."

My smile faded slightly. "Are you... really worried about going public?" I asked, stirring the tea slowly.

"No... not really worried. Just... apprehensive I think."

"I don't mean to put any pressure on you about it you know... if you don't want-"

"Erm, Bear you didn't. It was me who suggested it remember? I really think it's the best time. I don't wanna do it before cos I'll get accused of trying to gain me and the girls publicity ahead of the tour, I'm not bothered but it pisses me off. And it'll take the focus off the tour when all I want is for it to be a great shoew. After that, people can say what the hell they want about me. Which they will, you do know that don't you?" Perrie said, looking worriedly at me.

"I know, I really don't care Perrie. I've had it all, you name it, I've probably been called it. Like I've said, it's just like high school."

"I'm not sure it's quite the same babe."

"It really, really is. High school never ends. Great song by the way." I winked, handing Perrie her tea and following her into the front room.

"Oh? Sing it to me!"

"I can't without music." I laughed. "I'm too shy."

"Awh go on..."

"No way." I said, leaning away from her. "And don't you dare ticklr me, I've got a hot drink!" Perrie shook her head at me, laying back on the opposite side of the couch and putting her feet up on me. "I've really loved today." She sighed as I started flicking through Instagram. Because in the back of my head I was thinking, if we had been spotted today, someone would know about it by now.

"Another brilliant date babe." Perrie continued. "I can't wait to see what you do next!" "Me neither." I said. "No brilliant plans just yet, sorry!"

"No worries... I think I need to up my game! D'you fancy unpacking some of your stuff after this brew?"

"Yeah okay." "We can sort out the studio and get all your stuff in there..."

"Hmm... babe sorry, just one thing."

"What?"

"We did get seen today." I said, cringing slightly.

"Oh?" Perrie said casually, sippnig her tea. "What's been said? Whereabouts?"

"Just a randomer, but obviously your fans are reading into it... says 'definitely saw Perrie Edwards come out of bowling just now, looking pretty cosy with her new 'friend'...' So yeah... everyone's having little conversations about the last time, you know in the restaurant? Just speculating whether it's the same person and who the hell I am really."

"The guy didn't take a photo then?"

"No, it's just written on a random photo of you. A few people have asked him but he's said he didn't take one."

"Don't worry babe, they'll know soon enough won't they?"

"What if they guess before the end of the tour?"

"Then great, that makes them an excellent guesser." Perrie shrugged. She didn't seem the slightest bit bothered; she seemed to have relaxed a great deal about the whole thing since the last time we discussed it.

Her phone started to ring and she sat up with a sigh. " I always say leave me alone on a Sunday but there's always one... hello?"

I grinned at her expression, putting my phone down and picking my tea up.

"You what?!" Perrie shouted, startling me. "How are you even ringing me? I told you to delete my number!"

I put my mug down, sitting up and moving closer to her.

"I don't have to answer to you. Why do you even care? It's nothing to do with you who I may or may not be seeing! I don't have to answer to you!"

Perrie paused, her face a picture of fury. I moved a little closer and she raised her hand, signalling for me not to. "I don't know who the fucking hell you think you are mate - no, you can shut up. I don't give a shit what you think! I'm not your business, I stopped being your business when you slept with someone else behind my back, don't you dare ring me up and tell me what to do - no, fuck off are we friends, friends don't do this, I don't wanna hear from you again."

Perrie hung up and actually threw her phone across the room. I watched it slide along the floor and smack against the wall, spinning to a stop.

"Perrie what the hell?" I whispered. I had gathered halfway through who was on the other end of the phone, but I didn't want to be right.

"Sorry babe." She said quietly, curling up and hugging her knees, sliding down into the sofa. She looked close to tears.

"Was that who I think it was?"

Perrie nodded, blinking at me. "Zayn."

"What did he want?"

"He sounded drunk. Wanted to know if it was true about me being with a fan who's a few years younger than me."

"How does he know?!"

"He doesn't for sure... turns out he's been having a wee look on Instagram as well."

"Well - I don't - I don't understand. What's it got to do with him?"

"That's what I said."

"What exactly did he say?"

"Not a lot really. He started off by asking how serious it is and if I love you, then he was going on about how you're only with me for fame and a quick shag and I was better off with him." She laughed bitterly. "He's off his fucking head."

"I don't get it... I didn't know you still spoke to him."

Perrie sat up, shaking her head. "No, it's not like that, we - we did speak, not often, just now and again... I think I've only spoken to him twice since I've been with you. But it's just one of those hi, how are you kind of things, nothing more than that. But last time he rang me we argued and I told him not to contact me again."

"Why? What did he do?"

"He started going on about how much he'd changed and we should try again. I just said I didn't wanna talk to him if he was gonna start with all that cos I'd moved on, and he got really angry and started accusing me of sleeping with one of the lads from One Direction, which is just pathetic... so I hung up and just text him saying if he couldn't be normal when we spoke then he shouldn't bother and delete my number altogether, and he didn't ring me again, until tonight."

I nodded slowly. Perrie reached out and took my hand. "I'm sorry babe."

"Why are you sorry? Don't apologise for him."

"I'm gonna block his number this time, that's it now. Fucking dickhead!"

"You know it's not true don't you? About... what he said, why I'm with you."

"Oh babe, don't let him get to you, come here." Perrie sighed, hopping onto my lap and hugging me.

"Just so you know." I said, kissing her cheek.

"Of course I know. Don't let him spoil it babe, please. You know what? I was trying to be the bigger person, being friends with him and everything... he can fuck off now."

"If he was really drunk then I'm sure he didn't mean it..." I said feebly. Even though if I had my way he would never speak to Perrie again.

"Drunk or not, there's no excuse for that. I can be with who I like. He certainly went with who he liked whilst he was in a relationship with me."

"Don't let him spoil it." I said, repeating her words back to her.

Perrie smiled at me, kissing the tip of my nose and moving to my lips. "No. I'm not. I better make sure my phone's alive..."

"Yeah, that might not have been your smartest move." I said. We stood up together and I twirled Perrie back against me as she stepped away.

She stumbled and started laughing. "Careful! I had a lot to drink remember!"

"I love you, roomie."

"Aah, I love you more cutie! D'you wanna get all your music up to the studio? You've got so many vinyls seriously, I've been in HMV's with less stock than you!"

"I know, I'm pretty proud of it." I smiled. "You know what we should do? Listen to some old school tunes while we sort stuff out, get you educated. We'll start with Blondie!"

"Alright, let's do it! It better be good!"

"Try incredible! I'll be personally offended if you don't like them."

"Right!" Perrie grabbed a box of my CD's and skipped to the stairs. "What wine goes well with Blondie? Let's have our own littel house warming party."

"It's not a new house, I'm just a new... living... person, thing."

"Oh stop being so technical, get some wine and come up. I'll get the speaker on."

"Alright you're on, and we can do Jimi Hendrix after Blondie, really crank it up."

"Who's Jimi Hendrix?"

"Oh my lord, please tell me you're joking now."