Nothing Else Matters - Perrie Edwards

Chapter Sixty Eight

I let myself into Little Mix's dressing room about fifteen minutes before they were due to go on stage. We had exchanged our good luck's a bit earlier, so I wondered what Perrie could need me for, but she had messaged me telling me to come to the dressing room as quick as I could. When I closed the door and turned around, my mouth dropped open at the sight of her. My stomach did backflips. She stood there in her black and red outfit, her blonde hair flowing over her shoulders, twisting her fingers together.

"Oh my holy hell. Wow."

Before I could try and form words to convey how amazing she looked, Perrie said, "Jakob I don't think I can do this."

At first I started to smile. But the look on her face made me stop quickly. Petrified, was the first word that came to mind. And now I looked more closely at her rather than what she was wearing, I could see she was physically shaking.

"Babe, what are you talking about? Of course you can!"

"No, I'm being serious. I really, really can't do it, I can't. They're gonna hate me. I'm gonna be shite, I'm gonna let the girls down and everyone is gonna hate me-"

"Alright slow down... come here." I steered Perrie into the little couch in the corner of the room, gripping her shoulders. "Of course you can do it. You can do anything-"

"I can't, it's gonna be horrible! I'm gonna forget all my lyrics and then what's gonna happen when I let the girls down?!"

"Where's all this come from? You were raring to go an hour ago... Perrie. Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Perrie looked up in surprise at my snappy tone, and I gently grasped her chin. "There's about ten thousand people out there right now waiting for you and the girls. Because they love you and they've been waiting for this just as much as you have. Not because they hate you or think you're crap! Oi, look at me, I'm not done. As soon as you girls hit that stage, when you hear them and see them all, you're not gonna be scared anymore. You know what it's like, you've done this all before. You know deep down inside yourself that there's no need to be scared. You were born to do this. Feel the fear and do it anyway!"

"Oi, thats my inspirational quote!" Perrie giggled.

"Well, take your own advice then." I grinned, shifting closer to her and sliding my hands down her arms to hold her hands. "You can do it."

Perrie nodded, breathing in and out deeply.

"Say it."

"I can do it."

"That's better."

"I need you to do something for me." She whispered.

"What? Anything."

"I need you to kiss me. Now."

I didn't hesitate. How could I? Nobody with a brain would say no if Perrie Edwards asked them to kiss her. I held my arms around her, kissing her softly and letting her hands caress my body until they made their way into my hair and I pulled back.

"Hey watch it, I just got my hair styled!" I joked, pretending to fix it with my fingers.

"Don't get a big ego before you've even done one show!"

"Yeah right... you feeling any better?"

Perrie stood up, one hand on her stomach, and nodded. "Butterflies."

"Me too."

Leigh-Anne knocked on the door and popped her head around the door. "You ready babe? We're about to go on stage."

Perrie turned to me and took my hand. "Come with me?"

"Course."

We walked about twenty steps when Perrie stopped. "Listen. Can you hear that?"

I waited, and slowly started to smile. "Little Mix, Little Mix, Little Mix..." I joined in with the crowds chant, chuckling with her. "I can't believe we can hear that from here!"

We reached the stage and Perrie slowly released her painfully tight grip on my hand. "See you later then."

"Kill it babe." I said. Quickly looking around us I added in a whisper. "I love you."

"Love you more."

**

I waited backstage with Perrie's mum, Perrie's cousin, Ellie was a few feet away chatting to someome, and a couple of passing staff were congratulating me on my set, but I was absolutely buzzing with need to see Perrie. Debbie was talking to me but I wasn't even half listening. I wasn't even trying that hard to pretend to. But Debbie herself seemed just as excited, too excited to notice. Then Perrie, Leigh-Anne, Jade and Jesy appeared, jogging down the corridor with their dancers in tow, all cheering and whooping behind them, some still singing loudly. Our eyes met and Perrie broke into a run. She ran straight to me and threw herself on me, her whole body in my arms. Her knees gripped my waist and her arms locked around my neck, and she emitted a high-pitched squeal. I just laughed, concentrating on holding her up.

"Did that just happen?"

"I think it just did. I cannot even explain how incredible you were..."

"I wanna kiss you so much right now Bear." Perrie whispered, with such need and longing in her voice that my lower stomach throbbed.

"God... me too. How soon d'you think we can slip off?"

Perrie straightened her legs and I set her down, matching her huge triumphant grin. Slowly turning to the shout of her name by a dancer, she winked and said, "give me half an hour."

**

We got back to the hotel room and Perrie instantly pushed me up against the closed door."Erm, ouch." I chuckled, shifting away from the door knob and stroking her hips.

She looked so beautiful to me just then; still in the black and silver pants and bra top she had worn on stage, her blonde hair over her shoulders, still looking a little sweaty. And that smile. It hadn't left her face all night. I had never understood what a smile that could light up a room had meant until I had seen Perrie's in the flesh.

"What you looking at?"

"I don't know. I think she's some kind of angel."

"Stop being cute." Perrie laughed.

"I'm not cute."

"Yes you are. You're cute, sweet, gorgeous, sexy... and so fuckable right now."

I opened my mouth to reply but Perrie filled it with her tongue. Not that I had a response anyway.

My hands seemed to start acting of their own accord, because by the time our kiss came to a natural end, I had my fingers resting on the clasp of her bra. Perrie's hands were stuffed in the back of my jeans, her thumbs tracing circles repeatedly over my skin.

"Don't stop." She whined, kissing me again. She steadily turned me around and pushed me backwards, until my legs hit the end of the bed and I fell, pulling her with me. We both crawled backwards, ridding each other of our clothes.

"Didn't you want a shower?"

"What? You're asking me that now? Do I stink?"

"No, course not-"

"If I stink I better go then hadn't I..." Perrie sighed, sitting up, but I grabbed her and pushed her down, both of us laughing and wrestling with each other until I sat on Perrie's hips, leaning over her and placing my hands on her face, starting to kiss her again.

"I'm just saying, you were moaning in the car about wanting one as soon as we got back."

"Well I've changed my mind. We can have one... after."

"Suits me. Oh, one more thing."

"Hmm."

"I've got you something. Remind me to go and get it... later."

"What is it?"

"Later."

**

Perrie lay on her front, her arms folded under her head, grinning sheepishly at me as I lay with my hand over my heart, having only just caught my breath.

"You okay?"

"Don't know. Might never be okay again."

Perrie shuffled a bit closer and moved her hand over my upper arm. She lightly stroked up and down my tattoo and sighed softly. "Still love this."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Was the only reason I wanted to meet you."

"What?!"

"I'm joking babe."

"I thought you were really serious then!" I grinned. "I'm surprised though, with you not having any body art."

"I know. I still think we should get something together."

"What do you mean?"

"Like something we've both got that's ours. Something matching, or we could have half of something... would you have it done?"

"Yeah definitely, that sounds cool. What would you want though?"

"I've got no idea, nothing like dead cheesy though, something unique. We'll have to come up with something together."

"Yeah, we will. Hey what about LM5 to commemorate the tour?"

"I am not having LM5 tattooed on me, that's so... corny."

"No, not the title. I mean like the triangle. loads of them, all over our bodies. We'd look completely unique then."

"You're off your head babe." Perrie laughed. "What would we even look like?"

For some reason, i couldn't stop laughing. I pictured Perrie with a big triangle tattooed in the middle of her forehead and got the giggles.

"Have I ever told you how much I love your laugh?"

"No, you're too busy saying other random daft things."

"Bear shut up." Perrie tutted, gently smacking my stomach. "I'm being serious, you look so cute when you laugh. I mean you look cute all the time. But the way you laugh... you could make the moodiest person in the world smile."

"See? Other random daft things." I smiled. "Oh! I need to go and get your present."

"You got me a present?"

"Yeah, I mentioned it like, half an hour ago."

"Before or after sex?"

"Before..."

"Probably why I don't remember then." Perrie grinned.

"God... right, I'll be back."

Perrie looked up from her phone when I went back in. "Anyone see you?"

I ignored the question. "What you up to?"

"Just replying to a few messages about tonight, from the dancers and some friends. Was catching up on the group chat with the girls... Oh and Instagram is mental. Like, completely mental. And you were really well recieved as well."

"Really? Me?" I said in confusion. It seemed odd to me that anyone had been to Little Mix's gig would instead be commenting about the DJ on a social networking site.

"Yeah, have a look at a few..." Perrie handed me her phone and I took it, aware of her eyes on the gift bag in my hand.

'Loved @LittleMix's choice of DJ, so skilled! Kept the crowd going!'

'Think Little Mix's DJ had a hard job tonight keeping everyonr LOUD but job well done. @LittleMix tell him he was top & so were you!!'

'DJ Jakers" Wish he'd had longer! Loved it! Need to see him again! @LittleMix perfect night!!!'

"Awh these are so - hey, give it back, I've only read a couple!" I protested as Perrie snatched her phone back.

"No. I want my present now." She said sweetly.

"Don't pull that face..."

"You can go on your own Instagram! Pleeease?!"

"Alright, alright... look it's not much. It's hardly anything. But I wanted to get you something to like, commemorate the tour, you know like Lauren did giving me that frame, I didn't really know what to get but then I had an idea, I dunno if-"

"Jakob, if you gave me a bloody daisy chain, I'd love it just cos it's from you. Hand it over you adorable fool."

"Well, that's sweet." I chuckled. "Here you go."

Perrie gasped as she lifted her build-a-bear out of the gift bag, squealing slightly and cuddling it. I had made her a stuffed bunny and dressed it in its own custom-made LM5 hoodie.

"Oh my god, I love him! Aaahh, what's his name?"

"Well I thought about that, I'm a bit apprehensive after the whole elephant debacle, but I think I'll leave it up to you."

"Aah really? Ooohh... I'll have to think about it, make it a good one... babe he's so cute, thank you so much!"

"Here, look." I moved Perrie's thumb over the bear and pressed down, making it's heart beat and Perrie jumped slightly.

"That is so weird! It's like he's alive!"

"Haven't you ever seen one before?"

"I've seen the shop course, but nobody ever got me one." She grinned at me. "My own little tour bear! Thanks babe."

"There's one more thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. On the bear somewhere. Have a look."

I grinned to myself as Perrie frowned, lifting the bear up and turning it upside down, pulling the hoodie up at the back and the front before finally pulling the hood back on it and a bracelet with some charms attached to it falling into the bed.

"Oh babe, what's this for?"

"To eat. What do you think? To wear, you spanner... if you like it of course."

"Course I like it, it's gorgeous." Perrie smiled. flicking the charms with her fingers. "The charms, are they random or...?"

"No, well... right, you've got a London bus for the shows at the O2, your four leafed clover for the Ireland shows, and I know it's cheesy but they're for luck as well aren't they..."

"What about the bear?"

"Because that's what you call me, and plus he's wearing a Newcastle shirt."

Perrie laughed. "Tell me about the others, what's with the angel wing?"

"Wings is Little Mix's first real number one, after Cannonball of course."

"Aawwh!"

"The guitar, because you look so cool when you're playing... and I'm a little proud I managed to teach you after not playing for like three years... and the heart... should be obvious. Just because I love you."

Perrie offered me her arm and passed me the bracelet. "Put it on for me."

I took it and fastened it, watching her outstretch her arm to admire it. "Must have cost you a fortune babe, all those charms as well."

"Forget about that, that doesn't matter."

"Thank you so much Bear, I love it. C'mere" Perrie tucked the bear under her arm and playfully pursed her lips for a kiss. I leaned in and met her lips, starting off slowly and building up until our bodies were pressed together and our tongues were hungrily exploring each other's mouths.

"You were amazing tonight." I said when we stopped, lying down facing each other. "Absolutely amazin. Me and your mum where having a right good dance by the side of the stage."

"Wish I'd seen that! I'll make sure to look your way more closely tomorrow night. What was your favourite bit then?"

"How can I have one favourite little bit when I get to watch you on stage all night?! I can't take my eyes off you. I might need new ones when this is done."

"New eyes?" Perrie laughed loudly. "Nah, don't do that. I like yours."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They're like, four different colours thrown together... they're fascinating!"

"If you say so."

"I do. Right..." Perrie sat up and gave me a quick kidd. "I'm gonna get a quick shower, then I need to sleep, I'm knackered."

"One more thing, just before you do." I said, holding her hand and keeping her stood by the bed.

"Yes?"

"I'm really proud of you."

Perrie tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows lifting slightly. "You're proud of me?"

"Of course I am. I almost cried tonight, I'm so proud of you."

"Nobody's told me that before-"

"Nobody?!"

"Well my mum yeah, and my dad once or twice cos he's a bloke and blokes just, don't. But that's it."

"I'm a bloke...?"

"I know... that's why I'm surprised."

"Well I am proud of you." I said quietly, kissing her knuckles.

"Thank you." She smiled, turning my hand over and kissing it back before retreating to the bathroom. "And thanks for my bunny bear too... and my bracelet."

"You're welcome."

I lay staring at the ceiling the whole time Perrie was in the bathroom. When she said nobody but her parents had said they were proud of her before, my mind went straight to Zayn. Trying to understand how in the whole time he had been with her, he had never told her that. But then again, there wasn't much I understood about him.

Perrie came out of the bathroom in just her underwear and a crop top.

"Wow. Will you please stop being so hot all the time? It's distracting me."

"From what? Staring into space?" Perrie teased, lying next to me. I sat up and leaned over her, gently stroking her cheek and staring into her eyes. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just admiring you."

"Why?"

"Why do I need a reason?" I smiled as Perrie blushed slightly, but she didn't break eye contact. "You know what, sometimes I still can't believe we're actually together."

"What are you on about? How come?"

"I just can't. This is so mental. You know when people say if I'd have been told such a thing five years ago I'd have laughed in your face? That's what I think about this. It's like a dream."

"A good dream I hope." Perrie said. "I kind of know what you mean though. Tonight when you were on stage, I was watching you from the side... oh my god. I can't even tell you what my insides were doing but... wow. So yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes I can't believe you're mine... so thanks for showing up at that signing and knocking me sideways."

"What are you talking about? You started it with your Instagram stalking."

"I've never been so pleased to call myself a stalker."

"Honestly, me too."

"We talk some crap don't we?" Perrie giggled, tugging the sheet up over herself and closing her eyes. Taking the hint, I got up to get the light and made my way back to the bed. Perrie tucked the sheet around me when I lay down and wrapped herself around me, as usual using my shoulder as her own personal pillow.

"We do, but that means we're well suited."

"We'd be well suited anyways. You're my soulmate."

"Sorry?"

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

"Erm... I've never really thought about it before."

"Think about it now." Perrie said, smiling sleepily.

"Alright... Yeah, I guess so." I laughed. "I can add soulmate to the list of things you are to me."

"The list, what?"

"The list of things you are to me." I muttered, glad I wasn't looking at Perrie. "You know what I mean..."

"Let's just say I don't. Tell me anyway."

"You're doing this on purpose."

"I know." Perrie said, prodding my ribs. "Go on."

"You're the love of my life, you're my best friend, my hero, my idol, my sex maniac-"

Perrie burst out laughing and quickly covered her mouth, muffling the sound so I could add, "and now you're my soulmate."

Perrie ceased laughing and turned my head, our eyes locking. "I'm all those things to you?"

I shook my head. "You're everything to me. But it was all I could come up with so far and I'm all shy now, so..."

She kissed me softly, not needing to say anything. "One last thing."

"Hm?"

"I'm very proud of you as well."

I suddenly had the urge to cry. I couldn't explain why, but a rush of tears suddenly built up behind my eyes and I had to fight to stop them. "Thank you." I whispered. "Turn around." Perrie placed one more kiss on my lips before rolling over, holding my hands as I wrapped myself around her, hugging her tight.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too. And I love Bernardo."

"Who?"

"Bernardo. Bernardo the bunny bear."

"You cannot be serious!" I groaned, banging my forehead on her shoulder while she giggled away. "Bernardo, that's worse than the elephant, seriously. You've got nothing better?"

"I like Bernardo. You said it was up to me, and I wanna call him Bernardo." Perrie huffed.

"Alright, alright... that's the last time I buy you any stuffed animals."

"Aawhh!"

"No, for real. Next time I'll buy you a diamond encrusted bracelet, or a pearl necklace. You can't give those any stupid names."

"And they'd mean nowhere near as much to me." Perrie said. Before I could properly absorb how adorable that was, she added, "by the way, you up for a night out in Dublin tomorrow?"

"Sounds wild."

"Probably will be. The girls and a few of the dancers are going cos the day after is a free night. Jesy text me before wanting to know if we were up for it. What do you think?"

"I think it sounds great, I've never been to Ireland, it'll be good to see some of the night life before we fly back."

"Yeah exactly! Even if its just the insides of clubs."

"Exactly. Yeah I'm up for it. What time are we up tomorrow by the way?"

"About half seven... sorry."

"I'm fine with it, I'm used to early mornings... if you shut up now and let me go to sleep, that is."

"Oi, cheeky. I was never stopping you!"

"Only teasing." I kissed Perrie's cheek and pulled her closer to me. "Goodnight beautiful."

"Night babe... try not to snore tonight yeah?"

"I don't snore!!"

**

I felt uneasy about being out the following night.

We were all well and truly drunk, or close enough to being so by the time we went to any club. Playing drinking games on the tour bus for only about an hour had done that quickly enough. But as soon as we went out, there seemed to be paparazzi everywhere. The dancers and the girls didn't seem to care, and even Perrie kept her head down and strolled past them easily, but there was just so many of them. I felt like they were watching me. Several of them shouted my name, tried to get my attention. They made me feel much more uneasy than they had done the last couple of times we had crossed paths, and once we were in the club it took me a long time to relax again. I just couldn't shake the thought that they would still be there when we left and I'd make a fool of myself somehow.

We had been drinking for a while when Perrie squeezed my hand, gesturing to the disabled bathroom, and I nodded, following her there.

We went into the bathroom and she placed her hands on my waist, pouting. I smiled at her slightly sweaty face, brushing some stray hairs back.

"what's up babe?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You've been a bit quiet. Do you wanna go back?"

"No, course, it's great here, I'm fine."

"So what's up?"

"Nothing, Perrie I'm good, honestly! Did you even need the bathroom?"

"No. You just looked a bit... lost, I dunno. You would tell me if something was up?"

I only hesitated for about about two seconds. Perrie raised her eyebrows. "What babe, tell me?"

"It's nothing, I'm being stupid, the paps just... seem a bit intense tonight."

Perrie nodded. "I thought the same thing. It'll be cos its the first night out we've had on the tour. They'll aready be reviews out from the first night and some of them probably just want to shout abuse-"

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"Not anymore. I don't care about them. I'm in here having a good time with you, if they wanna stand outside and freeze for hours for the same of one lousy picture, that's their problem. Did they say anything to you?"

"No, I don't think so, I could just feel them watching me, it just made me feel like they wanted me to fall over or something."

Perrie stroked her fingers through my hair, circling her thumb over one spot on my head. "They probably wouldn't mind you tripping over, I'm not gonna lie. They can't do anything to you though babe, apart from anything else I wouldn't let them."

"I know, like I said, I'm being stupid-"

"No you're not. I still get scared of them, I'll never get used to that."

"I'm not scared of them. I don't think I am. Just tonight was the worst I've seen it, so..."

"Are you sure you don't wanna go back? We can talk."

"I promise I'm fine. We're not going anywhere tonight until they play the last song missy."

"That right?"

"Damn right. May I have the last dance tonight?"

"You bet. I'm all yours. Can I ask you one favour though?"

"Of course."

"Do you mind popping outside with me for a fag?" Perrie cringed slightly. "I just like one or two when I'm drinking."

"You don't have to explain, I dunno why you think I'm so bothered by it." I laughed, unlocking the door and letting Perrie step out before me. "Come on, make it quick or Claud is gonna come looking for you. He's determined to have a dance off with you."

"I'm definitely not drunk enough for that yet!"

**

Perrie leaned against the wall out the back of the club. She was watching me, her eyes glazed over slightly, and I was looking back at her trying not to laugh, some kind of staring contest.

"What's wrong with your face?"

"Excuse me?! That's a bit bloody nasty!" Perrie sniggered. "Why, what?"

"You're just staring at me."

"I like staring at you. I'll stick to doing it while you're asleep if I get those kind of comments..."

"How often do you stare at me when I'm asleep?"

"All the time." Perrie grinned cheesily. "Sorry babe, it's freezing. You can go back in if you want."

"No, I'll wait for you. I'm alright. You know when you drink loads and don't reallt feel cold anymore?"

"Yeah, I'm like that as well!"

Perrie took another couple of drags and stubbed out her cigarette under her heel, holding her hand out and pulling me into a tight hug. "We can just dance here you know, me and you, we can hear the music... sod everyone else."

"Perrie that's just cruel." I chuckled, kissing her shoulder. We swayed slowly side to side anyway, laughing. "Come on, you can't abandon your posse!"

Perrie laughed loudly, lightly slapping my backside, and as I raised my head from her shoulder and she started to release her hold, I saw him a second too late.

A series of flashes went off in my eyes and Perrie spun around. The pap was only ten feet away, but he quickly jogged backwards, still taking pictures, until a bouncer in a bright yellow jacket came around the corner.

"Oi! You're not allowed down there!"

Perrie and I watched, dumbstruck as the bouncer grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and flung him out into the street, still shouting.

I hadn't seen him or even heard him, too wrapped up in Perrie to notice anybody else in the alley. And by the wat she was looking at me, she was thinking I should have noticed his presence a lot sooner.

"What the fuck Jakob?! Why didn't you tell me he was there?!"