Perrie and I barely spoke until a couple of hours before the girls were due to go on stage in Sheffield the following evening. We just kind of drifted around each other, hardly saying a word, like there was some kind of invisible force stopping us from getting too close to one another or saying anything real to each other.
When I knew Perrie was alone in the dressing room, I went and knocked on. When she opened the door and her face fell slightly when she saw it was me, my heart sank. She shouldn't have to look like it was a negative thing to talk to me.
"Can I come in?"
"Yeah... what's up?"
"Us. Babe we need to make this - no, I need to make this right, I hate us fighting."
"... Me too." Perrie muttered, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"For what it's worth I'm sorry." I continued. "Bottom line... I absolutely suck at this, but I don't want to lose you. I'm gonna stop being such a prick to you over the whole press thing because it really doesn't matter to me, it never did... you know what? We never have to go public if you don't want to, I mean for real never. I'd go and live in some cut off part of the world with no cameras and nobody bothering us if it meant being with you... I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you. So... yeah. I'm sorry."
Perrie didn't say anything, but she was smiling. I smiled back and turned to leave "Have another great show-"
"Erm, where d'you think you're going?"
"Err..."
Perrie ran at me and threw her arms around my neck, so tight I could almost feel my head loosening off my shoulders.
"Can't breathe babe." I laughed.
"I'm sorry too."
"You didn't d-"
"Ssshhh." Perrie cut me off, leaning out of the hug and closing her mouth over mine. "Let's not fight again for... a whole year."
"I don't want to fight again, ever."
"I love you." Perrie sighed, hugging me again but more gently this time. "Never doubt that, okay?"
"I'm done being stupid babe, let's just enjoy the rest of the tour yeah?"
Perrie nodded. "Yeah, let's."
"And I love you too... actually I got you something. In case you weren't receptive and I needed to make you smile."
"Eh?"
I pulled a chocolate bar out of my back pocket and Perrie burst out laughing, actually stumbling backwards, holding her stomach. "Oh my god, I love you. I really bloody love you."
Taking the chocolate bar, Perrie threw it onto her dressing table and turned to the door, locking it then looking back at me, biting her lip. "I've missed you babe."
"I haven't been anywhere."
Perrie slipped her arms around me and kissed me gently, her hands sliding up my top, carressing my abs. "No I mean... I've missed you."
"I'm right here." I smirked. Normally I would try and persuade Perrie that this wasn't the right time or the place. But I had missed her too. And she had locked the door... and there was plenty of time yet before the start of the show.
Perrie turned me around, pushing me down on the little couch in the corner of the room. Her bottom lip still wedged between her teeth, she swung her leg over me, sitting herself on top of me and moving her hands further up my body. "Will this do?"
"Right now I wouldn't say no to anywhere." I said, starting a trail of kisses from the tips of her fingers, up her arm until I pulled her down and fiercely fused our lips together. "I've missed you too."
"This is one of the worst things about fighting." She sighed as my hands moved over her thighs.
"I'd say it's one of the best." I replied. Perrie frowned at me, but I quickly added, "make up sex", and she smiled, impatiently tugging at my top until I sat up and let her take it off, doing the same with hers.
"I've missed your kisses." She whispered after several minutes of doing just that, slowly undressing each other. The pit of my stomach was throbbing now, wanting to move things along, and by the look of Perrie's face and the way she unzipped my jeans and positioned herself over my shaft, moving back and forth slowly, she felt the same.
"I've missed yours too... let's not go a day without a kiss again."
"I like that. In fact... I'm gonna make up for it now."
I didn't need to ask how as Perrie kissed her way down my body, making me shudder.
The both of us suddenly jumped so hard we almost hit the ceiling as there was a loud, insistent hammering on the door. Perrie sat up, staring at the closed door in horror.
"Perrie? Are you in there? We need to start getting ready."
I sat up but Perrie roughly pushed me back down and put her hand over my mouth, grinning wickedly. She raised a finger to her lips and winked.
"Perrie?"
My heart was in my mouth as the door handle rattled, and the voice said, "she must've popped out, I'll ring her."
Perrie giggled quietly and took her hand off my mouth, kissing me again.
"Pez... your phone." I hissed.
"It's off." She murmured. "Unless you want me to stop?"
"Never. Never, ever stop."
**
After the show, we ended up in the exact same place, safe in the knowledge that the door was locked and most people had left the building for the night.
"D'you want a beer?" Perrie murmured sleepily, rolling off me and walking butt-naked to the mini fridge in the corner.
"Yeah, please... I'm sure I had a dream like this once."
"What? Me bringing you a beer?"
"Yep, naked."
"Was this before we were together or since we've been together?"
"Erm... what answer will make me sound better?"
Perrie laughed, curling up against me as I sat up and took the can she held out to me. "Either, it doesn't bother me."
"Good... cos it was before."
"Pervert."
"Your own fault really. Too sexy for your own good."
"You're just as bad... I thought I was gonna combust the first time I met you, when you walked in that room..."
"You've got to be joking right?!" I laughed. "Perrie, I'd camped on a marble shopping centre floor all night, then got changed and had a wash in a public bathroom. I'm pretty sure I've never looked less sexy than I did that day."
"Whatever." Perrie sang. "Whatever you might think... you had me then. You had my heart."
We just stared at each other for a long time, our foreheads pressed lightly together. I allowed myself to get lost in her eyes. Let everything else around me dwindle, like nothing else existed. It felt like floating.
"Play me something."
"Huh?"
"Will you play me something?" Perrie said, pouting cutely. She nodded at the slightly battered acoustic guitar stood against the wall on the other side of the room. "I really feel like hearing you sing."
"Why?"
"I just do... I love watching you play."
"I can play for you anytime... we should probably be getting back now anyway."
Perrie pouted even more, standing up and bending over her bag, resting on the chair in front of the huge mirror she had got ready in front of hours previously.
"God, you drive me to distraction." I moaned as she straightened up and staggered back towards me with what looked like a rolled up blanket in her hands.
"I got you something... well, both of us something. Unfold it."
I stood up and let the black meterial unravel, turning it around. I started to laugh, turning it back to Perrie; a dressing gown with 'DJ Jakers on Tour' on the back in white.
"Where did you get this from?!"
"Just a shop online... look at mine."
Perrie revealed a similar gown, only it was white and had 'Little Mix's Perrie on Tour.' on the back in black.
"These are so cool." I grinned, putting it on and wrapping it around myself. "It's so comfy! I look like a boxer... you know when they go on to fight and they've got those jackets on?"
"Yeah!" It's a bit different though babe. Plus you'd never make it as a boxer."
I couldn't think of a comeback for that, so I just nodded. "True. Get knocked out in the first round, I would. Even against a turkey or something."
"You're such a loon." Perrie giggled. "You look good."
"You too... awh thanks babe, I love it! I could fall asleep in this."
"Not yet." Perrie stepped into my space, gripping the fluffy meterial in her fists and kissing me, softly at first in a way that made me want more, a way that made me want more, a way that made me hold her body against mine with one hand with the other gripping the back of her neck, our tongues dancing together.
"Bear?"
"Hmm?"
"Will you play for me now?"
I groaned softly, but I couldcn't help smiling. "Was this a bribe madam?"
"Maybe... awh go on babe please... I've not heard you sing in... well ages."
"Okay." I whispered, still sharing soft, barely there kisses with her. "I guess I've still got some making up to do."
Perrie shook her head, scowling, but turned to grab the guitar while I sat down and cracked my fingers.
"God, this things older than me." I remarked, turning the guitar and strumming back and forth. "You say that like you're about sixty." Perrie tutted, crossing her legs and watching me eagerly.
"What do you even want me to play?"
"Anything. Whatever you want. Maybe something I wouldn't have heard before. Just anything."
"Alright... Okay I've got one."
I breathed deeply in and out, staring intently at the fingers on my hand clutching the neck of the guitar. I was fully aware of Perrie's gaze. Knowing she was watching me with such fascination made me feel about fifty different things at the same time.
"Hang on. D'you want something slow or something upbeat?"
"Anything babe, it's your gig." Perrie winked.
"Right... here goes."
"You cool your bed-warm hands down
On the broken radiator
And when you lay them freezing on meI mumble,
"Can you wake me later?"
But I don't really want you to stop
And you know it so it doesn't stop you
And run your hands from my neck to my chest
Crack the shutters open wideI wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays
Tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours
Finding new ways to be awed each minute
'Cause the daylight seems to want you
Just as much as I want you
It's been minutes, it's been days
It's been all I will remember
Happy lost in your hair
And the cold side of the pillow
Your hills and valleys
Are mapped by my intrepid fingers
And in a naked slumber
I dream all this again
Crack the shutters open wide
I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays
Tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours
Finding new ways to be awed each minute
'Cause the daylight seems to want you
Just as much as I want you."
I stopped playing and opened my eyes, unaware that I had closed them. I let the guitar rest across my knees and flexed my fingers, glancing up at Perrie.
"What?" I laughed.
"That was amazing... I feel like I know that song, do I?"
"I dunno... Snow Patrol? Crack The Shutters?"
"Yeah it sounds familiar... I need to hear it I think."
"I've probably got the album at home, to be honest."
Perrie leaned over to kiss me. "I prefer your version." She smiled. "Will you do one more?"
"I suppose... what does madame request? Or d'you just want me to do something random again?"
"Nah actually... d'you know Fast Car?"
"Course I do, it's one of the best songs ever. Tell you what? I'll play it on one condition."
"What?"
"You sing with me."
Perrie screwed her face up. "Really? Me?"
"Yeah. Oh sorry, maybe you can't. It's not like you make your living on singing is it?" I sniggered.
Perrie smacked my thigh. "Alright, smart arse... go on then, kick us off."
"Right...
"You got a fast car,I want a ticket to anywhere,Maybe we make a deal, Maybe together we can get somewhereAny place is better, starting from zero got nothing to loseMaybe we'll make something, but me myself I got nothing to prove..."
Perrie stilled my hand on the strings as soon as I finished, slowly pulling the guitar from my hands and setting it down.
"What's up?"
"Nothing... can I have a cuddle?"
I sat up and opened my arms. "You don't have to ask me."
Perrie wrapped her arms around my middle and lay against me. "Bear, I love you. You know that don't you?"
"Babe where's this come from?"
"I'm just telling you... I love you. You've got no idea how special you are and it kind of drives me crazy."
"You'll just have to keep telling me then." I joked.
"I plan to. Babe can I ask you something totally random?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Nothing... I'm just wondering... d'you see, like... a proper future with me? Like, in a few years time, if you think about your life in a few years, am I in it?"
"Where has this come from? Have I upset you? Has something upset you?"
"No! No course it hasn't, I'm not upset. I'm asking babe, that's all. I know I'm a weirdo... I just wanna know."
"Okay... don't look at me when I say this then cos I'll stutter or something."
Perrie smiled and lay against my shoulder again, twirling her fingers around the tattoo on my other arm.
"Pez... I can't think about tomorrow with you, never mind a year or two or five. D'you remember me telling you you're the one?"
"Yeah." Perrie whispered, moving my gown slightly to kiss my chest.
"Well then. Babe I don't want to think about my life without you in it. I can't believe we've been together such a short time still, it's been the best few months of my life no doubt, even with everything else that's been going on... the way I see it, you are my future."
Perrie looked up at me with that beautiful smile; the same smile she'd given me when I had told her I loved her. Her eyes shining, and my heart soaring.
"I'm so glad you said that... cos you're mine too."
**
"So," I said as we lay in bed together that night. "Just six more to go."
'I know, it's going fast isn't it?"
"Yeah... too fast. It's been amazing so far."
"I know. Go on, who's been your favourite crowd?"
"Definitely the O2, that was insane... I still can't believe that happened. I actually played in the O2."
"I know, it's a biggie! There's just something about it there. What're you looking forward to most now then?"
"You mean apart from Newcastke and meeting your family?"
"Are you actually looking forward to that? You're not nervous?"
"No, I'm looking forward to it! Why? Should I be scared?"
"Probably." Perrie teased. "We're an intimidating bunch!"
"Well I'm alright with you. and your mum. and your cousin seems cool... I think I can handle the rest."
"Aye, you're right... so go on, apart from Newcastle?"
"I think Manchester will be good... mainly for the night out afterwards, but I went to see The Killers there once, it was such a great night. What I remember of it anyway."
"Nice." Perrie laughed. "Right hush now, time for sleep."
"I love your manners babe... thanks again for the dressing gown."
"Ah you're welcome... we'll have to have a photo in them."
"You'll have to get me drunk first, I'm not into pictures much."
"I know, we don't have enough of us." Perrie pouted, her eyes already closed. "I'll have to get you drunk more often then get camera happy."
"Right... thought you wanted to sleep?"
"I do." Perrie pressed her lips firmly against mine then lay her head on my shoulder. "Am I heavy babe?"
"We've been sleeping like this for months, now you ask if you're heavy?" I laughed. "But no, you're not. As long as I'm comfy enough for you."
"You're perfect." Perrie yawned. "Night baby... love you lots."
"Love you lots too."
**
Four days later: Manchester, October 13th
"Jakeeeeeerrrss!!"
Lauren practically rugby tackled me when she saw me, turning quite a few heads since I was waiting for her in the middle of the train station. I hugged her back just as tightly, grinning at my brother over her shoulder, who was lagging behind slightly since he had both of their bags.
"God, I've missed you so much!"
"I've missed you too. Never thought I'd say it but I actually have, loads! Oh. and happy birthday!!"
"Thanks hun!"
"How's it been so far? My little brother treating you right?"
"Erm excuse me, I am here!"
"He's doing just fine." Lauren said, with a most un-Lauren-like giggle. "I woke up to breakfast in bed and flowers, can't be bad!"
"Wow, check you out!" I teased my brother. "Got it bad haven't you?"
"Yeah, I have." Alfie shot back, turning Lauren around and kissing her hard.
"Woaah, alright alright, calm yourselves... big brother present!"
"Sorry Jakers... anyway where we off to?"
"There's a pub not far from the arena if you fancy a few drinks first?"
"You do spoil me!"
"Then we'll go and get your stuff dropped off in your room then you can come and have a look around, see Perrie and the girls..."
"I'm gonna go straight to the hotel and drop the bags." Alfie said. "Give you teo a chance to get the subjects of conversation out of the way that I won't want to hear. I'll meet you in the pub later. What's it called?"
"Old Wellington."
"I'll find it on my phone."
**
Lauren and I sat in the pub with a cocktail each, talking and laughing and catching up. Not only on each other's lives, but Lauren filled me in on how the rest of my family were doing too. I hadn't realised how much I was missing them until then. But Lauren, as usual, made me feel better about everything. I had missed my best friend.
"So you and Pezza. Doing alright?"
"Yeah we're great. Brilliant. I think I need to cut her a bit more slack, actually."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. She's under enough pressure as it is without me adding to it. I just need to stop being so insecure."
"What are you insecure about?"
"It's stupid."
"I'm used to it, tell me anyway."
Lauren and I shared a smile. "I just... it's in the back of my mind... that she's delaying going public with me cos she doesn't really want to be with me."
Lauren threw back her head and laughed so loudly, half the pub turned to look at her. "Are you on drugs?! Jakers, this is a woman who followed you on Instagram, let you kip overnight in her house after an album signing, told you she loved you after about ten minutes, practically begged you to move in with since you got together... do you need some more, or...?"
"No don't worry you can stop... you're right, I know. It just won't go away."
"I'm not saying I blame you hun, if I was you I'd probably have trust issues too."
"It's not that I don't trust her... I don't know. Sometimes she says things and I'm reassured and everything, then her actions just say something else... I don't know. I'm being daft."
"Yeah, I think you are a bit. I understand, but... if nothing else she doesn't strike me as the type of woman who leads people on. If she didn't love you she wouldn't be with you."
"You're right."
"I'm always right. That's why I'm your best mate."
"I guess you're right there too! Oh, I forgot... here you go best mate."
I dipped into my rucksack I was carrying with me and extracted Lauren's present. She squealed at the sight of it, bouncing in her seat.
"Calm down, you've not opened it yet." I laughed. "We'll make that your alst drink for now yeah?"
"Yeah right... oh, any idea where we can go tonight?"
"Perrie knows a place. Promises it to be a wonderful night, and she said she's got a surprise for you."
"Really?! Well what is it?!"
"I don't know, she didn't tell me. Probably knew I'd cave in and blab!"
"I'll grill her later! She doesn't have to do anything though."
"Tough, she is, you're supposed to get spoiled on your birthday."
"Then how come you don't like any fuss?"
"Because I'm... special. You gonna open that or what?"
"Yeah, sorry... you know what I think tonight's gonna be one of the best night's out ever."
"I think so too."
YOU ARE READING
Nothing Else Matters - Perrie Edwards
FanfictionA fanfiction between Perrie Edwards and a male fan.
