Nothing Else Matters - Perrie Edwards

Chapter Seventy

The night before the gig in Nottingham, I had a terrible nightmare.

I woke up gasping for breath and sweating like crazy, and I couldn't remember where I was at first. Perrie was leaning over me with her hands gripping my shoulders, jumped back when I sat up and held her hands up as if she was afraid I was going to attack her.

I had been dreaming of the day I had been followed out of school by six girls and beaten up. Only this time, while it was happening, I was surrounded by men with cameras, taking pictures and laughing the whole time.

"Baby it's me, you're alright. It's alright. Jake?"

I met Perrie's eyes and I raised a hand to my cheek which was stinging. "D-did you just hit me?"

"I had to babe... you wouldn't stop screaming." She said. She moved my hand and replaced it with her own. "You scared the fucking life out of me."

I didn't answer. I had never had a dream like that before. None that had felt so real. I felt like a child again; it could just have happened a matter of days ago.

"Babe you're shaking, what were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing-"

"I don't want to talk about it." I said bluntly.

Perrie simply wrapped her arms around me and lay back so I was lying on her chest. "Calm down, you're okay." She whispered. "I've got you."

"Sorry."

"Don't be daft. It was just a dream babe, whatever it was won't ever happen..."

I laughed, though nothing was funny. "It has happened."

"What? What was it Bear?"

"Just- at school... those girls..."

Perrie pressed her lips to my head, hugging me tightly. "Just a dream." She reminded me. "That's never gonna happen again babe, I promise... God I can't imagine what that must've been like."

"Yeah, must make the paparazzi seem like a piece of cake right?" I said bitterly. I felt Perrie stiffen slightly and I bit my lip. "I'm gonna get a drink." I muttered, wriggling out of her arms.

Perrie gently grasped my wrist. "Hang on. What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing. Ignore me."

"Jakob-"

"I'm sorry. I just freaked out. Ignore me."

Perrie slowly let go of me and I went into the bathroon for some water, but she was sitting up waiting when I went back.

"You're still shaking." She said quietly.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

"D'you remember their names babe?"

I laughed for real this time. "Why? What are you gonna do? Hunt them down one by one?"

"I wouldn't mind." Perrie muttered. "Look... what you just said about the paps."

"Perrie, forget it."

"No, you're obviously still mad at me about the other night."

"Do we have to do this now? It's nearly five in the morning." I sighed, lying down with my back to her.

"I know I overreacted-"

"You can say that again." I snorted. After going so mad about the pictures of us surfacing in the press and worrying about what would be said, the only thing that had been written in the end was some tiny article about Perrie being extremely drunk. And she certainly looked it in the photos. My name hadn't even been mentioned; although some fans had picked up our relationship and made some comments about what we were up to out the back of the club, nobody else had said much. In the back of my mind I still wondered why Zayn hadn't said anything yet.

"Babe if you're still mad at me, why did you make out like you were fine and we were alright?"

"Cos I don't like seeing you upset." I mumbled into my pillow. Perrie sighed heavily, touching my shoulder.

"And you think I like seeing you upset? Babe please tell me what you're thinking, if you're still upset about the other night then I need to know, I need to make it right."

"I didn't think I was still upset." I siad. It helped that I wasn't looking at her. "Now I'm- it doesn't matter Perrie, just go back to sleep. I'm fine now."

"No. I'm not going to sleep till you tell me what's going on in your head."

"You're in for a long night then." I snapped. "Just leave it."

"No! You wouldn't let it go if it was me, babe pl-"

"Fine, I think getting the shit kicked out of you because people thought you were gay is a lot worse than a couple of guys with cameras following you. Happy now?"

Perrie didn't say anything, but she took her hand off my shoulder.

"It's not a competition Jakob."

"Never said it was."

"You don't know what the press are like-"

"And you don't know what six on one is like."

"You think I'm pathetic."

"I never said that!"

"No but you're thinking it! You're right, I wish I wasn't so afraid of them... and I dunno what it's like to get beat up... but I thought you were over that."

I scoffed, clenching my fists around the pillow, trying to stop my hand shaking. "Yeah well some things just stay with you."

"I know." Perrie said. She shuffled around a bit before being silent, and I could feel the gap between us, could picture her right on the other side of the bed. I had never slept in the same bed as her without having any body contact. I closed my eyes tight so I wouldn't cry, wishing I had never said anything. I could have just let her hold me, fallen asleep in her arms.

"Perrie?" I whispered about half an hour later, having failed to fall asleep again. She didn't answer and I rolled over, seeing her on her back fast asleep, but with a frown no her face. I lay down as close to her as I could without touching her, afraid of waking her, and softly kissed her cheek. "Sorry." I whispered. "I love you."

Listening to her breathing made it so much easier to fall asleep. But just before I dropped off, she placed her hand over my abs, her lips pressing against my shoulder. "I love you too."

I opened my eyes and met hers. She smiled, and I knew she wasn't angry with me.

"Sorry." I apologised again. Perrie shook her head.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for."

"I do, I just had a bad dream, that's all it was and I'm taking it out on you. I'm not thinking straight."

"But you're right. Everything you said is right, after all you've been through, I can hardly complain about-"

"No, that's not what I meant. I don't want you to think that. I just mean... I-"

"You can tell me, it's okay."

"I just mean... after everything I've already gone through, the paparazzi are like nothing. It's like, they can't possibly be any worse than anything that's happened before. And now I have you, so it definitely won't be as bad. D'you get me?"

Perrie slipped her arms around me, and I turned slightly so I could hold her. She lifted her head onto my shoulder using me as a pillow. "I get you. And I know I've been an idiot about everything and I'm sorry for that but I feel the same. As long as I've got you, I don't give a toss about anyone else."

"The ones who mind don't matter, and the ones who matter won't mind." I said, and Perrie snorted with laughter.

"That's so bloody cheesy!"

"And so bloody true. You'll see."

**

The day of the performance in London came much too fast. While Little Mix were doing sound checks, I wandered around the stadium in awe, unable to believe I would be seeing it from the stage in a matter of hours.

While the girls were on stage going through a couple of the routines, I went to check out the decks and have a mess around with the equipment.

I was in a world of my own when I heard my name being called, didn't even register it until I heard it for about the fourth time and looked up to see Perrie. My mouth fell open at the sight of who she was with.

"Babe you seemed like you weren't even on this planet then." She giggled. "Kam, this is my Bear. Jakob, this is Kamille."

I stammered my way through a 'nice to meet you' and Kamille grabbed some headphones. "Are those speakers on? You wanna show me what you can do?"

I shot Perrie a 'how could you spring this on me' glare, but she was just grinning.

"Prepare to be amazed! See you in the dressing room about six?" She winked at me and pecked my cheek before skipping off, seeming quite pleased with herself.

Kamille turned up a beat and pointed to the dancers milling around on the stage. "Wanna make those guys dance?"

I returned her cheesy grin and nodded. "Let's do it."

**

A couple of hours later I ran into Little Mix's dressing room without even knocking. Perrie was sat in front of a mirror getting her hair done with a plate of egg on toast on her knee and sipping a cup of tea. She grinned at me through the mirror when she saw me.

"There you are! Where's Kam got to?"

"Gone somewhere with Claud and a few others... Perrie, oh my god, she is one of the coolest ever. Like ever!"

"I knew you'd love her!"

"Love her? She's incredible! Is she even human?! Seriously, she is something else, I never knew she was so intelligent."

"Alright babe, chill out. I'm getting jealous." Perrie pouted. "Have I got competition here or...?" Rolling my eyes I dived in front of her and kissed her, making her laugh. "Don't be stupid... she's amazing, but she isn't you!"

"Aaawh..."

"I could have killed you before though, you could've warned me she was going to be here!"

"Thought I'd surprise you." She winked.

"Well job done. I can't wait to tell Lauren and Alfie."

"Why don't you bring them backstage later?"

"... Seriously?"

"Why not? We're all going out anyway aren't we? Since we're off tomorrow... so just tell them to meet you somewhere and bring them back here and we'll all go out together, and they can meet Kamille too."

"Is Kamille coming out?!"

"She better be, she promised me! Nah she said she was up for it just earlier."

"Are you sure then?"

"Course I am, we'll get Alfie good and drunk and he and Kam can have a riff-off! I've still not heard your brother's talent."

"That I need to see. Okay, I'll ring Lauren now then?"

Perrie nodded. "What seats did she get? Floor or block?"

"You kidding? Remember they were my tickets first, I was online at half eight waiting to get them... they're on the floor, about five rows back."

"Bless you... well tell them when the show's over to just make their way to the front, I'll let security know they're waiting for you then you can just grab them when the crowds cleared and bring them back here that way?"

"Okay, will do... thanks so much, Lauren's gonna pop a vein when I tell her..."

"I hope not! I'm actually looking forward to seeing her."

"Me too! Seems like months ago I last saw her... right I won't be long."

"Oh babe! Can you do me a tiny favour on your way back?"

"I suppose... What's with those eyes madam?"

"Can you make me another cuppa?"

**

When Perrie saw me backstage, she screamed and ran at me, literally jumping on me. A couple of the passing dancers wolf-whistled, laughing and cheering as they passed.

"Did that actually just go that well? Did I just perform in the O2? For real?!"

"Yes, yes and yes!" Perrie laughed. "You were amazing! Completely amazing... Wait, where's Lauren and Alfie?"

"Oh yeah, they're gonna meet us there if that's cool? You know Lauren, desperate for a drink... they're starting somewhere else and she's gonna ring me when she's outside and I'll go out for them."

"Okay, great! You ready to party the night away?!" She yelled, earning ear-splitting cheers from Jesy, Leigh and Jade.

"Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!!" They all chanted together as Perrie grabbed my hand and jumped off down the corridor.

"Have you had a drink already?" I laughed.

"I'm high on life! I don't need a drink! Shots, shots, shots!!"

Jade nudged me. "I give it an hour and she'll be on the floor."

"I give it less." I replied. "Don't worry, after an hour I'll swap her drink for water and she won't even notice."

"Oi, I heard that!"

**

We had been in the club for well over an hour when I realised I hadn't heard from Lauren. Perrie had just gone to the bar and I couldn't see her, so I quickly went outside to ring Lauren. Perrie wouldn't miss me gor a minute or two.

As I stepped outside I got a text message through from Lauren, though I could hardly understand a word of it.

'jkakwe rfiing mee qQijck.'

Sighing I dialled her number, having to hang up and try again when it went to the answerphone after a few rings.

"Hello?"

"Lauren it's me-"

"Oh god, Jakers... shit this is so bad, I'm so sorry-"

"What? What's going on?"

"We're kind of at the hospital."

"You what?! I only saw you about two hours ago! What happened?!" Noticing people looking my way, I lowered my voice and added, "are you alright?"

"I am, yeah." Lauren moaned.

I set off from the club, looking for a cab as I walked. "What happened? Please tell me Alfie's okay."

"Yeah he's okay. Kind of. We sort of ran into Damien."

"Oh, for fuck's sake." I groaned, not needing to hear any more. "I'll be there as quick as I can."

"No Jake, you don't have to come, I just wanted to tell you-"

"Of course I'm gonna come." I snapped, hanging up and sticking my arm out for an approaching cab.

Once inside, I dialled Perrie's number about ten times without an answer. I left her a text telling her where I had gone and put my phone on loud, thinking she would ring me back when she checked her phone.

**

"I'm here to see Alfie Hunter."

"Do you know him?" The receptionist said, not even looking at me.

"Well of course I do, I just told you his name didn't I?"

"I mean are you related?"

"I'm his brother."

"Right, just take a seat. I'll get someone to give you a shout."

I didn't move and she finally raised her eyes. "Something wrong?"

"You've not even taken my name, what were you planning to shout? Can you just go and get someone now?"

"Just take a seat, I'll get to you when I can."

"That's not good enough." I extracted my phone and rang Lauren instead, drumming my fingers on the desk.

"Hello?"

"Lauren, I'm here. Will you come into reception? The staff here are useless." I said, not even bothering to lower my voice and causing the receptionist to glare furiously at me.

"Yeah I'll be two minutes."

Lauren came around the corner, and part of me was horrified, while part of me wanted to laugh. She was wearing one of Little Mix's tour shirts that was far too big for her and had flashing bunny ears on her head, but the shirt and her jeans were covered in blood.

"Lauren..."

"I'm really sorry Jake, this is all my fault." She cried, hugging me tightly.

"What happened? Where's Alfie?"

"He's just down here. He's alright, he really is, but he doesn't look it."

"What do you mean? I take it they had a fight."

"Yeah... We just went to this bar and Damien came up to me while I was getting drinks, Alfie had gone to the loo... I tried to get rid of him but he wasn't getting the hint, then Alfie came back. Damien still wouldn't get lost so when Alfie told him to leave, he caught on that we were together and he kicked off. He threw the first punch but... well, Alfie wiped the floor with him."

"Wow, I'm so proud." I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be like that-"

"Whatever. So what do you mean he doesn't look alright."

"I think Damien broke his nose."

"For crying out loud. Where's Damien now?"

"He's in the hospital, but somewhere else... the police are with him cos he's still kicking off. He's not happy someone younger knocked the stuffing out of him."

I didn't say anything, following Lauren to the end of the long corridor until she pulled back a curtain and I stepped around it to see Alfie, sat on the edge of a bed holding a bunch of tissues to his face, scowling at us. "What are you doing here?!"

"Nice to see you as well! Look at the fucking state of you!"

"Alfie they said to keep your head tilted back." Lauren said gently. "Lay down."

"What did you ring J for?!" Alfie spat, as thought I wasn't there.

"Well it was either him or your dad, d'you want me to ring him instead?"

"I don't give a shit."

"Oh Alfie shut up." I said. "Hasn't a doctor seen you yet?"

"Just to bring us in here." Lauren answered. "He said a nurse will be with us soon."

"When was that?"

"About ten, fifteen minutes ago."

"That's not good enough. He's still bleeding-"

"Give it a rest yeah, they'll get to me when they get to me. Go back to your party."

"Wow, cheers. I've come all the way here to-"

"Well I never asked you to, all you've done since you got here is yell at me-"

"D'you blame me? You're a mess!"

"He fucking hit me first, I wasn't just gonna stand there!"

"Well you didn't have to knock the stuffing out of him did you?!"

"Oh my god, will you both shut your traps. You're driving me mad!" Lauren shouted.

"Yes, and you're disturbing the other patients." A nurse said, making us all jump as she threw the curtain back. "Rightio, how's the bleeding?"

Over an hour later we were on the way back to my dad's house in a taxi in silence. Alfie was looking increasingly like a raccoon; a very miserable one. And Lauren determinedly staring out of the window, since everytime she looked at him she seemed to want to laugh.

Personally, I wasn't in the best mood either. I didn't have one call, one text from Perrie. Nearly two houes since leaving the club and it didn't seem she had even noticed I was gone. Even as I shoved my phone bitterly back into my pocket, it started to ring. It wasn't Perrie's number, or any that I recognised, but who else would be calling me at this time?

"Hello?"

"Hey Jake, is that you?"

"Yeah?"

"Hey, it's Jesy, where did you go tonight?"

"Long story." I sighed. "Don't worry about it. Is Perrie with you?"

"Er, kinda."

"Kinda? What does that mean?"

"We're on the way back to the house with her... she kinda passed out."

"She what?!"

"We're taking her back to your place now. D'you want us to stay with her?"

"For god's sake..." I whispered. "Yeah, erm... d'you mind just waiting with her just until I get back? I'll be there as quick as I can. D'you have a key?"

"Yeah, we got Perrie's, don't worry."

"Is she alright?"

"She's just sleeping... but we had to carry her out of the club."

"Right." I muttered. "I'll be home soon, thanks for taking care of her."

"It's cool, see you later."

"What was all that about?" Lauren asked when I hung up, leaning forward and burying my face in my hands.

"I need to get home, Perrie's passed out in the club and she's on the way back to the house now."

"No way, that's wild." Lauren laughed, but quickly stopped at the look on my face.

"Will you be alright if I get back to her?"

"You didn't need to come anyway." Alfie muttered, opening the door before the cab even fully came to a stop outside my dad's.

"Don't take it out on me just cos you've got a face like a panda."

"Oh fuck off." Alfie snapped. Lauren was going red with trying to hold her laughter in. She stayed with me for a second while Alfie strode to unlock the door.

"Should I find this so funny so soon?"

"Probably not. But if I wasn't worried about Perrie now as well I'd be laughing myself."

"I can't believe she passed out!"

"Neither can I, she'd only had one drink when I left her." I sighed. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, you are here for dinner right?"

"Yeah, you're not getting rid of me!" Lauren quickly pecked my cheek and shoved a twenty pound note in my hand. "Take that for the cab, don't argue." She said, slamming the door and running into the house before I could answer.

**

The girls were in the kitchen when I got home.

"We didn't wanna intrude, or go wandering around, she's on the sofa." Leigh-Anne said.

"Don't worry about that, you're her sisters. You should feel comfortable coming here. But thank you for bringing her home... she was fine when I left earlier, what happened?"

"I'm not even sure." Jade shrugged. "She must have just mixed her drinks I guess."

"Great. Look, d'you want to stay over? There's spare rooms..."

"No it's cool, we were gonna head back out actually, I mean unless you need us?"

"You've done enough, really thank you... I'm really sorry."

"Don't be, she's getting destroyed for this for the rest of her life." Jesy sniggered.

"I'll make sure she knows she owes you one." I said as I showed them to the door. "Enjoy the rest of your night, yeah?"

I stood with my head against the door for a few minutes after they had gone, just not wanting to do anything at that moment. I heard Perrie move around but didn't make any attempt to go to her straight away.

My phone started ringing in my pocket, a quick burst of music and then silence. Then Perrie called. "Bear? Are you there babe?"

Running my hand through my short hair I straightened up, kicking my trainers off before heading for the front room.

Perrie looked awful. Half of her make-up seemed to have rearranged itself all over her face, her dress was dishevelled and as soon as she looked at me her eyes filled up. She even looked a bit scared.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Cos you look really angry."

"I'm not angry Perrie, I just want to know how you ended up being carried home by your friends when the last time I saw you, you were sober. D'you wanna explain that, or...?"

Perrie stood up quickly, opening her mouth to answer, but instantly covered her mouth with a hand and stumbled out of the room. I heard the kitchen door bang open, then Perrie throwing up into the sink. Rubbing my eyes and wondering how the night had finished up like this, I followed her.