The Ruined Rainbow

Author's Note

Hello everyone!

I hope all of you are well and in excellent health. The times we are in is arduous, and we can only pray to God that he take us out of this extreme and harsh fix as soon as possible.

Firstly, I want to thank every one of you for sticking to this book and continuing to shower me with lovely messages and being the readers that all authors would love to have, despite me being MIA for months. I am incredibly thankful that every one of you has been a patient, beautiful reader, an indelible source of fantastic support. I really, really am touched.

Quite honestly, when I started this book when I was 14, I always dreamt of having readers like you, who would message me for an update and give me a review of my book.

Well, it took time, but I am glad that two years after, I have finally got what a writer always desired.

I'll be sincere; the initial chapters have awful grammar, it's cringe-worthy, I agree, but I don't have the mind to edit them because they have the essence of the 14-year-old girl who wrote to escape the circumstances that ensued in her life back then. And as I said at the beginning of this book, I want to preserve my writing journey and wish to see where I have reached once I complete this book wholly. I am seriously touched that you guys stuck to such awful grammar initially because, quite honestly, if I were a reader, I would never have. I wanted to put this message on for a long time but never found the time to. I am sincerely overwhelmed by the amount of love you have showered me with.

Secondly, I want to state the reason for my absence for eight months on this particular site. I haven't been away wholly, no. But I don't get time to write. Why? Because my studies wouldn't permit me to do so. I am loaded with school work, then coaching,  then somewhere, I endeavour to manage things, fail drastically, and then again wake up to a numb morning and the whole process repeats. And writing is, trust me when I say this, is a HUGE distraction for me cause when I write, I turn oblivious. Literally oblivious. And that's not good for a JEE aspirant :)

I remember the time when I was obsessed with writing, and I used to write at least for 8+ hours a day, after my tenth board exams, last April-May (2k20) that would explain the jump of chapters from 45-75 in 3 months, LOL, and I have come out of it with incredible difficulty. I satisfy myself with random sporadic poems, yes, but writing stories and novellas? Nope, it's at a halt for the time being.

Writing became an antidote for me, as I felt myself write not for an audience but myself. I needed to write to heal the blemishes I have. It was tremendously hard for me as I see writing as a valuable source of mental peace; But then, how do you choose between your dreams and your duties?

I will try to update Chapter 76 soon cause I already penned the chapter long ago. (Yipee!) Just drop a comment here if you guys would prefer it as two chapters of around 4500 words each, or 1 chapter of about 9000 words. Else, I'll update the chapter as my wish, that is one chapter of 9000 words.

But I plan to return here after 2k22 when things go my way (God willing), and I will rekindle my first love of writing, hopefully, again, if things go well.

I plan to write four novels minimum, after my exams, of various genres (a crime/mystery genre, a horror story, an Indian teen fiction story and a historical fiction) (God willing). I have the plots already ready in my head. I have scribbled them on papers, which are securely resting on the private shelf of my wardrobe, waiting to be put in action.

#Sayesha is a very special book to me, not just because it's my first book, but because as I began to pen this novel, a part of me got detached and enmeshed itself into these handwritten words. And as I said earlier, when I was 14, it was an unwholesome period in my life. And that writing was the only thing that helped and healed at that particular time, and things eventually got better after I wrote this book, and I'll forever be indebted to that.

The story is almost near its end. Four schedules are wrapped, and the fifth schedule will begin from the next chapter, which will capture the essence of this novel. A couple of chapters left, and this book will be done—my first ever book. And I can't wait to write that down.

I don't want to say that I will not write ever this year, but I don't want to give the assurance, either, that I will write because that'll be very unreasonable.

I have always thought, when we write, we aren't merely writing; we search for something that we never had, in those words, which we have jotted down. Maybe that respect, which we never had, or perhaps that love that we never had, or maybe some identity that we never had, or maybe that happiness we never had, or maybe anything for that matter. Your heart knows, deep down, what you are searching for.

I want everyone to understand this...You can't choose between your duties and dreams; you simply can't. And it is like choosing between your heart and your brain. Because at the end of the day, it's always your brain that's rational and the sanest part of your existence, and at the end of the day, we always listen to our brain.

We read and hear things such as follow your heart, which is credible, reasonable, and valuable advice for so many people.
I don't want to hurt their perceptions by saying this, but for so many people, that advice just doesn't make sense...for you have so many things to think about... ponder upon..., and we keep our heart caged, and go with our brain. By brain, I don't literally mean here brain; it's a 'composition' for people, society, expectations and much more.

It'd be utterly wrong to grow our dreams in cages and then lament that they turned out to be wingless. Some dreams cannot have a sky...and some skies cannot afford a dream.

I honestly was clueless about how dreadful my eleventh class had been last year, until mid Jan/Feb of this year. That was a period when I attended offline classes, and that's when I realised how much, the quality of teaching was compromised online.

Maybe lockdown was a reason; maybe online classes were a reason, but somewhere...somewhere down, I think I was wrecked in the previous year, and I don't know how to elaborate.

2k21 was no good initially; though, I really, really tried to begin with positivity... But, nope. Jan, Feb was disastrous, March was okay for the first half, then things went downhill, April was the most decent, May-June were merely glimpses of an eye and good too, and now we are in July. And it's online classes again.

Somewhere I feel, my optimism is breaking into shreds...I no longer have the power to remain positive, which I once had and was my strength. Maybe a series of disappointments are reasons... My tests mainly. I had one today as well; it wasn't decent. I fear the ultimate JEE exam. It's mere months away from now if things go well.

Things break, people break, but healing back? Only some can afford to. At a particular time, that God has, for every one of us. And till then, we endeavour to remain typical. No, we aren't depressed...we just are tired, trying to hold onto two strings at a time, which doesn't seem worth holding.

This year is highly crucial to me, for it's a step closer to all those things which I have strived hard for...worked hard for...Then, maybe, I will fulfil my dream of literature simultaneously while studying in engineering college, and you know, come back alive, fiery and blazing, by writing my heart.

I am aware that many ot of you might forget this trivial book amidst a myriad of beautiful books here, and I don't expect you guys to wait even... But I want you all to understand this... as much as there is a need for me to write, there is a more bigger and a desperate need for me to fulfil my duties and responsibilities.

I have so many aspirations. Like so, so many. I want to pursue literature, I want to study law, I want to pursue business. I want to pursue Sanskrit literature. I finally want to crack UPSC. I want all these. But maybe, I'll settle with engineering+MBA+UPSC. :) (God willing)

Anyway, enough of me with this rant, and you guys would have been bored and wearied by this long, long note, so let me end it.

I want to thank every one of you who have reached the end of this note for being such amazing souls and for understanding me and supporting me. I assume all of you are above my age, *sheepish* cause I don't think anyone here is sixteen.

I pray that all your lives get brightened with an unerasable light, and all of you forever stay radiant and shining, and may your lives get dazzled by serendipity and immense joy.

Thank you so much!

Loads of love and much more,

@SayeshaL