How I Got Here || GOT7

45: Panic

(A/N): I'm out of Hows. Lol. Please proceed...
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"Hey, I know it's not ideal but you're safe here. With us." Jimin's voice was soothing, pulling me out of my torturous thoughts as I stared blankly out of the small window to my side. The gray clouds made the sky look gloomy and just depressing. I only smiled weakly, he on the other hand, held my hand, squeezed it gently in reassurance.

"May I offer a drink sir?" The flight attendant asked in a flirtatious tone. I wanted to roll my eyes but who am I to blame her? Have you seen Jimin? It is physically impossible to hold back.

"No, thank you." He answered briefly. "Do you want anything?" He asked me, which startled the flight attendant, it was as if she didn't even know I was even there. I just put on the realest fake smile I could muster and shook my head.

"Hey.." Joon's figure was hovering over after the flight attendant passed by. "So when we land, there will be our usual security details, you're already added to their list but I wouldn't risk it. I say stick close and we'll all be around you. That's how it'll be for the rest of the tour. Always with at least one of us, always escorted by a security detail and never alone." I tensed at the thought. "I mean it Su, I'm not doing this for Jackson or anyone else. This is for me. I will not forgive myself if something happens to you, I'd go crazy." Namjoon's voice was stern but  also full of concern. I nodded, but still couldn't push the thoughts of me being another burden for them.

"You're not." Jimin whispered and I looked at him bewildered, did I say it out loud? "You're not a burden..." He chuckled when he saw my confused expressions. "You may be a quiet person but all your thoughts are well displayed." He tilted his chin towards me as if to point at my facial expressions.

"Sorry." I let out a breathy chuckle.

"Enough worrying. It's still a tour, we're still traveling around the globe, it's gonna be so much fun. I promise." Taehyung popped his head out to the isle from the seat next to Jimin. Yes. Fun. Wohoo...

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Once at the airport, just like Namjoon said, we were surrounded by puffed up and intimidating men. Myself, Hannah and other staff member were united in style. We were all wearing baggy pants, baggy sweaters, bucket hats and masks. That seemed to be the perfect disguise, fans paid no attention to any of us as we were seen as mere staff with BTS logos on our outfits. I hopped in the first black armored vehicle that had tinted windows and waited for the boys who were held back a few minutes to take a couple of photos before Jimin, Namjoon, Yoongi and Seokjin hopped in with me. As soon as the door was shut, they all took off their masks sighing. No one spoke a word. I was a little awkward being there not knowing what to say or how to act. A while later, I felt warm fingers lingering over mine before they were wrapped around my small hand. "Everything will be okay. We're all here. I'm here." His usual deep voice sounded deeper and more hoarse. He smiled, showing off his cute dimples. I mouthed a soundless 'thank you' in return. He didn't retrieve his hand, not even when he laid his head on the headrest, closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. It was only when we had to actually leave the car to check into the hotel that he finally let go.

"These are your keys, I have the spares." Their Manager distributed the keycards. "Su, you're with Namjoon for the rest of the US tour. It's best for your safety, if he's busy, Jimin will be your roommate." I nodded, couldn't understand why but who was I to complain?

When we finally entered the room, everything was suddenly overwhelming. The sudden longing for the boys back home, the idea of me being in my hometown with my father in arm's reach and Ian's confusing words that were followed by avoidance and shallow goodbyes. My chest was tightening, my breath felt heavy and I panicked. Fuck, I hated my panic attacks. I took large breaths in an attempt to consume enough oxygen to push to my lungs but it wasn't working. My head felt so light before my legs gave in.

Just when I was expecting to feel my body crashing onto the hard floor, strong arms gripped me, kept me captive in between. "No. No, no, no, no NO! PLEASE!" I started yelling and fighting weakly to get out of that grip but to no use, I was dragged and laid neatly onto the bed.
"Hey.. hey. I'm here. It's me. It's okay. You're okay." Namjoon's voice was soft and full of concern but the way I was just dragged to the bed, the way I was handled unlocked the worst memories I worked hard to bury. "Shit. Su, I'm right here." Not even seconds later did Hannah barge in with Jimin, Jungkook and Jin.

"Babe. Hey, it's me. You're okay. You're safe." The familiarity of her voice started to pull me back to my senses. Once I realized my whereabouts, glancing at my surroundings, seeing all 7 men and Hannah in the spacious room, I sighed before sobbing uncontrollably. Fuck, this was a terrible idea.

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(Hannah's POV)
Seeing Su like that again made my blood boil and my heart shatter to a billion pieces. That son of a bitch is still taunting her, traumatizing her and scarring her for life. Even after all these years.
I blames myself a thousand times for agreeing to this. A part of me was sure something like this would happen. "It's not on you." Jungkook knew me a lot better than I gave him credit. It made my heart flutter but that wasn't exactly the right time to give in to those feelings.

"I agreed to this crazy ass idea, I am to blame." I whispered to him, I didn't want to wake her, she cried her eyes out until exhaustion hit her hard. The traveling, the jet lag, the anxiety and this panic attack, all took a toll on her. Luckily the medical team was on the same floor so they checked on her, gave her a sedative and assured us that she'd be okay by morning. I slowly slipped out of bed and walked out of the room where the others were splayed around the living room. "What happened?" I asked, as soon as I was close enough for them to hear my low voice.

"She was hyperventilating, I tried calling her name a few times but to no use. She was about to fall but I held her in place." Namjoon explained. I waited for him to continue, no way she'd escalate that fast for no good reason. "I asked her if I should help her lay down. She still didn't answer, as if she couldn't hear a word I was saying. So, I helped her get there." There it is. I shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Relax Han, he does not know about her past. Please, just chill.

"Why? Is everything okay?" Yoongi asked.

"No. Everything is NOT okay!" I exclaimed but was careful not to raise my voice and wake her. "Her dad was an abuser, he used to drag her around the house, manhandled her for ages. Of course this happened." I took another deep breath. "I know you had no idea Joon but next time, don't move her or force her to move. Try to sooth her, talk to her until she snaps out of it. And I say next time because we are in LA after all. There will be a couple of more times of panic attacks." I breathed out. "God, I shouldn't have let her follow on with this crazy idea."

"No one will get to her. I won't let it happen. We won't let it happen." Jimin spoke softly. I knew he had feelings for her, but he wasn't exactly the type to stick to one girl alone. And that didn't mean the man won't burn the world for her, no. The way he comforted her on the plain, the way he gently played with a few strands of her hair as she laid next to him, he wasn't hopeless. He gives off playboy vibes but the man is truly a softy.

"I know that Jimin. I know all of you will protect her as much as you'd protect me. But right now, she doesn't need the attention you think she might need. She needs distractions, she needs to forget that this is her hometown, that she'll be stuck in this fortress of a hotel suite in order to be safe." As much as Su's protective of her loved ones, she hated and still despises being overly protected, it makes her feel like someone's controlling her, that is why I scolded Ian for taking her to the Kwons'.
As if summoned by the thought, my phone vibrated, notifying me about a text.
Yu: [She had a panic attack?!]
Well, fuck.