for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘴𝘪𝘹

六

welcome home:
2007

〞

It had been roughly over a month since I had met you.

I had learned so much about you in such a short amount of time, and yet, so little, too.

There were still so many things unknown about you:

About why you were always so tense.

About why you never took care of yourself.

And, about why you never let me know what was upsetting you.

I understand that boundaries are important, and that you may not have been comfortable sharing everything with a boy you had only just met.

But it still made me a little sad that you couldn't trust me.

Do you trust me, now?

I hope so.

Because I sure as hell know that I would take a bullet for you.

But perhaps that's just my attachment issues speaking...

Chan.

Do you remember the first time I invited you round my house?

You were surprised about the suggestion at first, (and at one point I even thought you were going to decline my offer). But, much to my luck, you said yes.

I was incredibly excited for the entire day; anticipating when you and I would walk home together. And when I would give you a tour around my bedroom. And when we would talk, and play some games together, and let our seven-year-old imaginations run wild.

I caught myself daydreaming about different scenarios, multiple times, during school hours. And I'm pretty sure I got teased for it by some of the other kids, a couple of times too.

But I didn't care, because I was going to be with you, for the whole evening.

Perhaps I had set my expectations a bit too high, though.

I had been so excited about our 'play-date' for the entire day, that I hadn't even realised how tense you had been, throughout it.

All of your actions were still the same:

You and I sat under the willow tree during lunch─as usual.

You sat and sipped on your strawberry milk, as we let the school playground ensue it's normal chaos around us─as usual.

I got to sit and play with your hands as you tucked into the lunch box I had packed for you earlier that morning─as usual.

But something about you─something about everything you did─just seemed a bit off.

And everything finally collapsed as soon as you stepped foot into my bedroom.

You fell to the floor, with tears uncontrollably gushing down your face like a broken sprinkler.

I had seen you cry before, but, for some reason, this moment in time really made my heart ache.

I remember how I sat down beside you─just like how we did under the willow tree, earlier that day─and I wrapped you up in the warmest hug I could give.

You had nuzzled your face into the crook of my neck, to drown out the sounds of your sobbing, and I can recall exactly what you said to me, as we sat, huddled in a heap, in the middle of my bedroom floor.

"Seungmin, I... I've only known you for a month... But I trust you with my entire life... And that... that scares me."

# •°彡

my brain couldn't figure out whether i was making angst or fluff, when i was writing this chapter oof

─jen