for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯

十八

painful:
2009

〞

You were leaving me.

I felt betrayed. Heartbroken. Upset.

Although, it wasn't your decision.

It was your parents'.

Your mother had made the decision to quit her job as a nurse, meaning she had more time to look after your siblings and took that stress off of you.

But, because she had stopped working, your family's money became even more limited.

So, when a job offer came up at work, saying that your father could start working in Australia for another car company, and at a much higher pay, your parents took the opportunity.

You told me that they had always wanted to go travelling anyway.

But it also felt like you had been ripped away from me. Just as we had finally settled into the mould of our friendship, you were leaving me.

For Australia.

I tried to hold back tears when you told me that September morning, battling with my emotions by saying: "Australia will have better swimming pools, I suppose. Chan will like that."

But that aching feeling of disappointment was so pure in the pit of my stomach that I had become disengaged from the reality that had forced your family to move. I had become so selfish that all I could think of was how I wanted to keep you in Korea, with me.

And, sometimes it's alright to be selfish, but not when it doesn't involve you.

I was always so expressive about how I felt that I never knew how to not get overwhelmingly emotional over the smallest of things, but when I hugged you that day─the last day I would see you as a kid─my brain felt so disconnected from my emotions, so desensitised, that I couldn't even muster up a tear.

We said our goodbyes, and that was it.

Because, although I felt painfully disappointed, and gutted to hear the news, the rational side of my brain─the part of me that had experienced this separation before─just told itself that "it'll only be like the last time."

Except, it was for a whole six years.

# •°彡

i am SO sorry for not updating last week!

i was so stressed out about doing my art exam (which i've finished now, thank god) that i seriously did not have the energy to update, so i apologise :/

but, it's here now! chapter 24! (or chapter 18, depending on how you look at it) and i am very excited about where this story is heading :)

also, to make up for not updating last week, i might be posting a double update today, but a little bit later, so stay tuned for some more fy:ty <3

─jen