for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺-𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳

二十四

should've guessed:
2015

〞

I should have known you'd be jealous.

I should have known that you picking on me at school was just your way of deflecting how much you missed me, after arriving back in Korea.

You just didn't know how to tell me without feeling vulnerable─an emotion you had forcefully buried thanks to your friend group back in Australia.

Not that I'm trying to excuse your actions, and the people you turned against me, but all I'm saying is that I understand.

And that I should have guessed.

Sangkwan and I had already organised a second "tutoring" date, after that first one in the library. And, even though I was incredibly excited to see him again, Felix's worried facial expression made me question what was up.

He then told me about his conversation with you, and how it made his blood boil for the way you acted, but my mind was only running in helpless circles at that point, thinking: "Was Chan jealous...?"

Because, of course you were. You just felt like you could tell no one. And, after the things you had said to me, you definitely had no right to tell any of my overprotective friends what you felt.

Neither Felix or Jisung would let you anywhere near me.

Plus, you already had a girlfriend. But, maybe you just thought that I had platonic intentions when befriending Sangkwan. After all, you were only allowed to see from afar. So, maybe you just thought that I was replacing you?

But, even then, you still sort of... Brought it upon yourself.

Things could have turned out so drastically different if you had just been nicer to me on your first day in Korea.

Maybe you even would've been my first ever crush. Who knows? Maybe I wouldn't have ever felt the need to talk to Sangkwan.

Not to mention, I didn't even get that hug that you promised me, in one of those letters you wrote. I guess I should've known you wouldn't have kept your promise.

I guess I should've known...

# •°彡

HELLO

IT IS I

(barely)

─jen