for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺-𝘵𝘸𝘰

二十二

labelling things:
2015

〞

I couldn't thank Hyunjin and Jeongin enough for the amount of information they were willing to share with Felix, Jisung and I.

Since Hyunjin and Jeongin went to the same school as Sunhee, and I was still in the midst of my investigation on you two, they were my insight on what was going on, that I didn't already know about.

Sunhee still went to the same swimming club that she was part of in primary school, which you ended up joining when you moved back to Korea. This meant that you saw each other every Saturday.

Sunhee was also friends with a few boys from her school, who you were quickly introduced to, and became part of the group.

Hyunjin told me that apparently Sunhee and Eunmi would call each other daily to talk about you, which had me concerned about you and Eunmi's relationship, if Sunhee was this involved in it.

That also had me thinking back to how possessive she was over you during primary school, as well, and how together─you and I─had to go through a separation period, in order to stop her obsessive-ness.

But I guess that it was all just worth nothing to you now, huh? Since you appeared to get along fine with her after you suddenly decided to stop talking to me.

But, that's besides the point, at the moment.

During my spontaneous investigation of you and Sunhee, I had learned to just let go and move on. Was it really worth digging around behind my ex-best friend's back just because he wouldn't acknowledge me? No. Not really. And this whole experience made me realise that.

I told myself that I shouldn't care, and I was happy to live by that. At least until you apologised. And discovering all of this also helped me to discover more about myself.

In one of my final letters I sent to you, I had opened up the possibility of me exploring my sexuality, but I wasn't sure because I felt like I wasn't ready for a label.

But, after all that I'd been through in the years before, I felt like I wanted some control back in my life, and finding myself a label was my most preferred way of doing so.

It made me feel more confident, and like myself, which I had lost for so long in all of my solitude.

Felix and Jisung definitely helped with their overwhelming support, so they were also the first people I decided to come out to.

But, it was a big moment in my life, staring into the mirror and finally recognising who I could be─who I finally was...

I was Kim Seungmin, and I was finally proud to tell people:

"Yeah. I'm gay. So what?"

And I didn't care whether you'd hate me for it, or not.

# •°彡

bit late in the evening for me, at the time of publishing, but i wanted to get this out, so i just conjured up something important for the plot, and hoped someone would like it LMAO

being neurodivegent is so fun :/

anyways, seungmin in the story decides to come out at the more mature age of 15, whereas i (your humble author) came out at 11...

and my gayness has only increased since then :)

(i am very fruity)

─jen