for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺

三十

rearranging:
2016

〞

Suddenly, my mother and I had to share everything.

We had gotten so used to it being just us that we had filled up all of my father's old space with childhood junk and shopping bags, which unfortunately left no more room for Sohlhee.

The situation was difficult, and, admittedly, the first few dinners of just us three was hard to get through, but most of the time my mum was out of the house, leaving just me and my sister alone.

I still couldn't believe that.

We shared so many of the same features, which caused it to dawn on me how much I looked like my dad.

I wanted to tear my own face off for a whole week after that revelation. I couldn't bare to look like him.

But, somehow, there was comfort in finding someone with the same face as me.

It was the first thing that I noticed about her, and the thing I would always think back to as I recalled our strange sibling dynamic.

I just couldn't believe I had gone a full sixteen years without ever seeing Sohlhee.

My half sister.

And it still felt weird, don't get me wrong.

There was a looming tension drifting around our household for weeks: my mum was trying her very best to handle the situation with care, but it was still aggravating that she had been dropped into her ex-husband's shit, which he was too immature to handle himself, as he was later found out to be off in the Maldives with his new girlfriend.

But, because she was a kind and generous person, she took Sohlhee under her wing.

Sohlhee had her own mother ripped away from her by doctors, because she wasn't taking her medication, making her irritable and aggressive towards others. And, since Sohlhee had nowhere else to go, my mum couldn't turn her down.

I tried my best to make her feel welcome, and it was slightly difficult due to her stand-offish and timid behaviour at first, but due to us being squeezed into the same bedroom most nights, with her sleeping on a mattress on my floor, we slowly began to get along.

And, sure enough, we were talking like friends. Not best friends yet, but we were starting to look out for each other. Like siblings.

She may have turned my sixteenth birthday party into a rather awkward mess, but she was so kind and careful that I couldn't be upset about it.

She made sure I ate breakfast before school. We walked down our road together, before splitting off into our separate directions. And she even sometimes picked me up at my school gate.

I remember my mum working late one night, so Sohlhee attempted to make me a pasta bake, but the whole thing burnt and we laughed about it for days afterwards.

I think our growing bond also took some stress off of my mum's shoulders as well.

I remember her mentioning that she always wanted a daughter, and in this strange set of circumstances, she got one.

It took a huge rearranging of our lives, but it was worth it.

Eventually.

She was the sister I never knew I needed, but I was so glad I had.

# •°彡

sibling dynamics where they're best friends and are protective of each other are my favourite things to write.

and i especially love the found-family idea, which i've probably used a lot in this book already lol

speaking of which: i have never mentioned it before, but i just wanted to check: there is a trend between seungmin's relationship with people and the nicknames they use for him...

(hint: friends or people who haven't known him for very long call him 'S____' and found-family or long-term friends call him 'M__')

─jen