for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘵𝘦𝘯

十

opening up:
2008

〞

The 8th of September, 2008...

It was a frosty Wednesday morning, where the sky outside was clear, but everything was covered in a thin layer of ice; and I vividly remember it being that way, because everyone around me seemed to be complaining that 'it wasn't even December yet, so why was it so cold outside?'

I had managed to get a bit of a sniffle because my dad had brought a cold home from work, but I still trudged to school anyway, because I couldn't wait to see you.

My mom had forced me to take some medicine before I left, and she had made sure to strap my snow boots on to conquer the icy pavements outside. Then, after a few minutes of walking, I had arrived at school.

You were already waiting for me by the gate. Your nose was a little pink from the frosty air and you held a pack of tissues in your hand, as if you knew I were coming. I gladly accepted them, although you ended up needing them more than me, later on.

I don't remember many of my lessons that day. My brain just automatically skips to lunchtime; (perhaps because my conscious thinks that spending time under the willow tree with you is more important than my actual education).

However, it has good reason to. Because, to me, this particular lunchtime was very valuable.

It started off normally.

You had your lunchbox, which I was still incredibly committed to making every morning. You had your strawberry milk that I got from the cafeteria. You read your post-it note underneath the willow tree and I got to see your dimples again.

But then...

You turned to me, a thoughtful expression on your face.

It looked like you were contemplating whether to tell me something or not.

You sighed and took a long drawn-out sip from your milk carton. A sip long enough for your mind to settle on what you were going to say.

You cleared your throat.

"Seungmin... Can I tell you something?"

I nodded. "Of course, Chan! I'm all ears."

"You know how I was round your house lots over the summer? but i never let you round mine?"

I nodded again.

"I want to let you know why..."

I instinctively frowned.

"Chan... If you think I'm offended that I haven't been round your house yet; I'm really not. It's okay. You don't have to make excuses. I'm fine with you coming round mine."

You shook your head; a gentle smile playing upon your lips as you let an awkward laugh bubble up from the back of your throat.

"It's not that I'm making excuses, Min. I just want to be able to tell you more about my life and upbringing, and I felt like this was a good conversation starter, you know...?"

I made a small noise of realization; it finally clicked.

Then I replicated your awkward giggle, and nervously made a gesture for you to continue.

However, I couldn't tell whether the nervousness was from me being dumb, and from getting your intentions twisted, or from you calling me by the name 'Min'.

I liked it...

"So, basically..." you started, as you leant in closer to me, as if being three inches further away would have any affect on my ability to hear you.

"My parents work a lot, right? My mom is a nurse and my dad just started working as a car retailer. However, we barely get any money, despite the hours they put into their jobs..."

You paused; frowning.

"And because they work long hours, it becomes my job to look after the house, and my siblings, and it's just all too much for me, you know? I want to be able to do what I want to do. I want to be able to go outside. I want to be able to spend time with you─"

Your voice cracked. Your expression became pained. You looked like you were about to cry.

I sighed, upset on your behalf and a little hurt by how solemn and dejected you looked in that moment.

I wrapped my arms around you, and gently pulled the pack of tissues, from before, out of my pocket.

You gladly accepted the gift. And, as you huddled closer towards me, burying your head into the crevace of my neck, a warm, lonely tear rolled down your face; reminding you of your struggles.

# •°彡

i was listening to 'Secret Secret' by Stray Kids, while writing that last bit, and i low-key wanted to cry ㅠㅠ

─jen