for you: to you ✰ chanmin

𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺-𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦

三十三

suspicion:
2016

〞

Just like Jisung suggested, I tried to be a support system for Sangkwan.

Except, it's incredibly hard to be there for someone when they keep avoiding you.

Really.

I tried my absolute best to comfort him, and indulge in him, but it just seemed like he didn't need it...

It felt like he only wanted to talk to me when he needed affection. And that was very rare.

I came home from his house one night, in a really bad mood, because he had ignored me for most of the evening, and I could see Sohlhee trying to be supportive when I complained to her about it, but I think─deep down─she knew that we were falling apart before I did.

But, at least, Jisung and Felix were there for me, like they promised.

Whilst I was trying so hard to be there for an unresponsive Sangkwan, Jisung and Felix were my support system, and Jisung even admitted that he felt guilty for telling me to be Sangkwan's 'therapist'.

"I underestimated how hard it actually is to be a therapist. Sorry, Seung." He'd tell me, one lunchtime.

And honestly, even though it's so draining to reach your hand out to someone, only to be pushed away, Sangkwan and I carried on like that for three months...

I considered breaking it off with him at the end of January, but found myself too stubborn to be the one to end things, when he wouldn't even speak to me, most days.

At that point, I was just staying with him, out of spite.

Because, maybe he was actually going through something serious. The empathetic part of me didn't want to break up with him, in case he was having a rough time, and breaking up with him would be the last straw for his mental health.

It either needed to be him breaking up with me, or he needed to do something so serious and appalling that it would give me a good enough reason to call it quits.

So, I waited.

I waited all the way until the beginning of March, in an unhappy, unhealthy, uncommunicative relationship, just for something to happen.

And something did happen. But it started with some odd behaviour from none other than... You.

Chan.

Bang Chan.

The boy who had ignored me for... Three years?

It was like, once Sangkwan was out, you took the opportunity to pop back in, and honestly... I didn't mind it.

# •°彡

chemistry revision is killing me :')

but i managed to crawl out of my grave just to update lol <3

─jen