Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis

One For The Road (16.1)

A/N: Hey everyone, hope you had a good week and I really hope you enjoy this weeks chapter! Thank you so much for reading x

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A detail that you hadn't yet told anyone whilst being on tour with the lads for the two months you'd been away, is that every time you were travelling on the bus at night, you hated sleeping. Because after the first few times back in March, you knew a nightmare was impending.

You don't know whether it was because you were in a moving vehicle, or if it was some form of PTSD. It may have even been the process of trying to get yourself over Matty, which you'd been trying your best to do over the past fortnight since you'd briefly seen him and Adam at the festival. Regardless, if you slept on the bus whilst it was moving, it resulted in nightmares.

That is why you decided to go to sleep last night as soon as you got back on the bus, hoping that if you got to sleep before you started moving, that the awful dreams would be kept at bay. But of course, that didn't happen.

You've just woken up in a sweat, tears streaming down your face and your throat all choked up. This nightmare was the worst so far, because this one just replayed the memories of the crash that you struggled to remember straight to the forefront of your mind.

It was like you were reliving the accident again, but this time you couldn't hear you and Matty arguing - you couldn't hear anything besides the low rumble of the car. You even saw glimpses of after the crash had happened. Your eyes briefly opening in the midst of the wreckage to see your blood covering you.

So, it was no surprise that you woke up in a panic. Your other nightmares had been about obscure car crashes, ones that didn't actually exist, ones that your subconscious made up to scare you. But you know that the one you'd just dreamt was the real one.

Immediately you flick on the light in the bunk and check yourself, your hazy mind needing to make sure that you were physically okay and not bleeding. But your mind is playing tricks on you and you can feel pain burning through your body where all your scars are.

After the pain subsides, your mind instantly drifts to Matty.

Is he okay?

Of course, you knew he would be, but in your panic you just needed to know. You pull your phone out and scroll back through your group chat that was just you and the boys.

You'd sent them all a picture of their poster for one of the shows they had yet to do in America that was up in the venue the Monkeys were playing at that night. You also spotted on a poster that they were supporting The Neighbourhood later on in the year too, so you made them tell you about that.

It was only a short chat between you all, but Matty had sent a few messages in the chat, so seeing that they only came through a few days ago gave you some peace of mind. But it did nothing to stop the awful memories of that day resurfacing every time you close your eyes to try and get back to sleep.

You just keep crying and you can't calm yourself down. Your heart feels like it's beating out of your chest, as if you're still experiencing the accident all over again.

You try to keep your emotions to yourself, biting your tongue and burying your head in your pillow as you cry. But after ten minutes you feel a panic attack on the brink of forming and you don't want that.

So, you creep out of your bunk silently, and shuffle across the floor to Alex's which is the bottom one opposite yours. Your heart is beating so fast that you don't know what else to do other than seek your best friend's comfort.

You pull back Alex's curtain and see in the dim light that there is just about enough space for you to squeeze in next to him. You don't want to wake him up, but you think that if you can at least hug him or something that it may calm you down.