Truly Madly Deeply (Harry Styles FanFic)

My Rant...

You guys don't have to read this, it's just a rant of mine. Somethings I've always wanted to say but never did.

So many times in my life, I've tried giving up. Giving up on everything, especially life. I would always read about teens committing suicide about how they got bullied, but never because they had their own family problems. And that's exactly what's happening to me.

In my family, I feel like such a huge disappointment to my parents. My nine year old brother is like, a genius, and then there's me. A ninth grader who can't do shit. I fail ever math test or quiz I have but manage to get a C average. My parents don't know about the failed tests cause if they find out, I'm dead.

I have so many moments in my life where I just hate it. Literally for the past few weeks, I have been crying myself to sleep every night. My brain keeps telling me that I'm always gonna be a disappointment to my parents. They want me to get a freaking scholarship to a good college. And what terrifies me is that I KNOW I'm not gonna be getting one.

I've tried countless times to commit suicide, guys. When I cry, I lock myself up in my room and sit on the floor and sob my eyes out. A few minutes later, I walk out like I didn't just have a sob fest.

My nine year brother legit, just twenty minutes ago, told me to kill myself. He got so pissed off at me, and told me he wished I died and committed suicide. The sad part is that I was wishing the exact same thing. I just don't see the point in living anymore.

On November 9th, 2012, was one of the best days of my life. It was the night when I went to my first ever concert. It was a Justin Bieber one. I love Justin so much, it's ridiculous. That one night I had forgotten all of my problems and just enjoyed myself.

Justin and One Direction are the main reason why I'm here. I'm not still here because of my family and friends because frankly, I think they'd be better off without me. I'm here cause of Justin and 1D because they help me. No matter how freaking cliche or sappy or cheesy this sounds, it's true. I listen to their songs and remember the one Candian boy on the stairs in front of the Avon Theatre and five boys on the X Factor stairs I fell in love with. I look at their posters in my room and think to myself, "They wouldn't want me to do this."

None of my best friends or friends know of the fact how much I've tried to either cut or commit. I never talk about it because I don't want people to think that I'm after attention. That's the last thing I'm after.

I've been called useless, ugly, fat, pathetic, worthless, and so many other things in my life. I feel like I'm gonna grow up to be nothing.

I just want to kill myself to get all of this over with.

I just want the boys to know how much they changed my life and how much I love them.

I want Justin to know I love him so freaking much.

I'm just tired of fighting, guys.

If you just read through this whole thing then you are amazing and I love you. Goodnight. xx