Chasing Ghosts | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 53: Back To December

Natasha had been tossing and turning in her bed all night. After putting Maya to bed at eight, she had found herself unable to sit still. Suddenly, all kinds of small chores that had been on her to do list for months, popped in her head again.

The light by the back door was broken, the toilet door creaked, the coffee table wasn't in the exact spot as it was before, due to Tony moving it around when installing FRIDAY. Oh, and the flowers she bought yesterday looked a bit sad, so some dead ones had to be taken out.

Even Maya came down around ten, originally to tell her mom that she couldn't sleep due to the nerves. But then she stopped in the doorway with a frown on her face when she saw Natasha balance on a chair to change the lightbulb in the living room.

''Can't sleep?'' she asked without looking Maya's way, her voice understanding and gentle.

The girl shook her head, her arms wrapping around herself to stop the shivering. It was a lot colder down here in just her pajamas. ''Too nervous.''

Natasha sighed and stepped off the furniture. ''Me too.''

She ended up making some warm milk for her daughter, which she drank slowly and in silence. It felt like the day before they left for a vacation, or a day before a huge soccer competition from Maya. Excited nerves, but nerves nonetheless.

A little past midnight, Natasha forced herself upstairs. She knew that if she closed her eyes and fell asleep, tomorrow would come faster. But sleep wouldn't come, and she understood that anxiety spot Katya always spoke about, right under her ribcage.

The dumbest fears went through her head. What if, after months apart, Katya had figured out she didn't need her anymore? What if she wanted more time apart? What if she didn't love her anymore?

Completely wrong and idiotic fears, but combine overthinking with anxiety and this is what you get. A downwards spiral of worries and doubt.

At five AM, she gave up on sleep and dragged her body into the shower. A cold shower. Butterflies in her stomach at the thought that she would see her wife again in only a couple hours.

God, she had missed her so much. And whatever would come next, she desperately wanted to do together. Because not having her wife around for months was much too long.

Before Maya made it downstairs, Natasha already had two cups of coffee in her stomach. And those did not help with the jitters at all. When she went for her third, Maya slid off her barstool, took the mug from her, and shook her head.

''Coffee does not make you more awake. The only thing it does is block the signals to your brain that your body is tired.''

A surprised smile settled on Natasha's lips, and she was too stunned by Maya's actions to do respond at first. ''On what page of my textbook is that, teacher?'' She eventually teased.

Maya threw her a look over her bowl of cereal. ''Yes, you keep mocking me. But at least I will have a high school degree.''

Natasha's jaw dropped. ''Damn.'' She laughed, seeing Maya also had trouble hiding her grin. ''You don't have to go all Regina George on my ass just because we talk about high school.'' Yes, they totally watched that, even though it may not be appropriate for Maya yet. Screw age restrictions.

''And degrees are overrated,'' she continued, gesturing around her. ''Look at me. I have a beautiful family, a nice house, a group of friends that will always have my back... The most important things aren't measured in paper or money. I'd rather have you happy and healthy, than earning tons of money in a job you hate.''

Maya stared at her blankly, eventually rolling her eyes and continuing her cereal. Another laugh escaped Natasha as she did. ''Do not roll your eyes at me, young lady.''