Chasing Ghosts | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 49: Wake Me Up When September Ends

Maya

September

Time moved fast and slowly at the same time. More than a month had passed since Katya left. And besides the doctor's calls, they hadn't heard a peep from her. 

But it was easier now than in the first few weeks, especially now that Maya went to school again. They fell into a routine, and Natasha made sure to stay busy to not miss her wife as much. The house had never looked this clean, the grass got mowed and the cars washed more than necessary. Because if she let herself stop and relax, the homesickness would overwhelm her, and she'd realize how empty the house was.

With fall came colder weather, more rain, and literal darkness. Not a motivator to get out of bed in the morning and be productive. The only reason Natasha didn't stay in bed all day, was because Maya had to get driven to school. The McLaren, she had never touched. It wasn't hers. She drove the Audi, which she maneuvered around the covered-up supercar.

Natasha tried too hard sometimes, jumping onto the plans Maya made too enthusiastically, to make sure she had fun and wasn't in the empty house too often. Going home with Tess after soccer practice, sleeping over at Peter's, playdates with Mason - who she still claimed wasn't her boyfriend - long phone calls with Yelena.

And Maya never said anything about it when Natasha nodded and agreed to a question before all the words had left Maya's lips. Because it came from a good place. But it didn't feel right to leave her mom alone too often, so sometimes, Maya said no to someone before asking Natasha. Monopoly nights had to continue in some way.

But Natasha's head was a mess. She was very good at hiding her sadness, but whenever Maya passed her bedroom door at night, she could hear the quiet sniffles from the other side, her carefully-crafted facade falling away in the darkness.

Power - not always the good kind - had been in her hands her whole life. Power over people's lives, souls, entire countries and corporations. Natasha liked having control over situations, over her life. Liked to cancel out the variables that brought insecurity. 

Because insecurity was uneasy. It made her feel restless to not know. 

But nowadays, all she had was insecurity and powerlessness.

It had gotten better over the years, learning to let go, not stressing too much over things she couldn't control. But not knowing when she'd see Katya again, and how she was doing now, having a huge blind spot on the one person she cared for most in life, challenged her on a whole other level. A level Maya could feel, she struggled with.

Because the first week she had gone back to school, it was obvious Natasha's brain wasn't razor sharp like it always was. On Friday, at three, Maya walked out the front doors, chatting with a friend, looking up and fully expecting to see her mom lean against the side of their black Audi, arms crossed.

But a light blue SUV was parked in the spot instead, and a dad sat behind the wheel, drinking some Red Bull from a can.

Confused, she stopped in her tracks, looking left and right trying to find a head of red. But nope, no Natasha. Which was very unlike her. She was never late, and never forgot anything.

For minutes, Maya turned in her spot, walked back and forth on the sidewalk, until she remembered what Natasha once told her, and stayed in the same place, right in front of the doors. The first rule they taught her: if lost, don't walk around looking for us, we will come and find you.

''Maya, where's your mom?'' Mason had walked out of the building and stopped next to her.

''I don't know.'' She furrowed her eyebrows, standing on her toes to try and look over people's heads. She wasn't the tallest for her age. ''She's always on time.'' The thing is that she knew exactly why Natasha wasn't here.