32. Experience

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"I cannot believe that you have invited him to come over! Over here!" I wave my hands in the air, frustrated, annoyed, and angry

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"I cannot believe that you have invited him to come over! Over here!" I wave my hands in the air, frustrated, annoyed, and angry. But most of all scared and ashamed that he is going to see in which poverty we live.

It's not that I'm ashamed. This is my home and I love it, I would never leave it. It's just that... Oh, fuck I'll just say it! Boris will probably leave me, he will stop running after me when he sees how poor I am.

I like him running after me. It makes me feel special. There, I fuckin said. You happy? Because I'm not. I'm not really sure what is the thing I'm feeling about him. It's so strange to me. I've never really had a crush before. Except for my beast, if any of you remember him. Yeah, I was in love with him so much. And if someone would ask me what is my favorite moment from my childhood, I would definitely say him. Him kissing my cheek after the ball was over. Him holding my hand during the whole competition. That is the only crush I've ever had and however weird it sounds, I remember it even though I was only seven.

But, I don't remember how I had felt. Is this feeling I have for Boris somehow similar to that feeling I had for my beast? I don't know. I can't quite remember. I can remember that my chest would tighten each time I would see his brown eyes, how my heart was beating fast when he would lay his eyes on me, and his lips curl in a shiny pearl smile. To be honest, sometimes he reminds me of Boris, though his hair was shorter, without curls. Maybe that is the reason I have a crush on him because I miss my beast, I miss something that reminds me of my native area. Maybe that's just it.

No, Luna, you like him because he is the only man, a person who really is interested in you, and not just interested, but he cares for you. He cares about you. You don't have many people who care about you. And it flatters you that he goes after you, trying so hard, to decipher you.

I can see literally my subconsciousness slapping me. I just shrug at my doppelganger who is in the shape of a ghost, visible for me and only me to see it.

No, Luna, you like him, that's it. Why do you want to know why? So, you can stop liking him?

Exactly.

Well, it's not that easy. Especially now when he's coming over.

Speaking of that, he'll probably turn on his expensive heel and leave when he sees this poor and dirt. He'll come back to his rich place with his fancy car, forgetting about me in a mere of seconds, as I'd never existed.

I feel my eyes pricking with water and I quickly blink the salty liquid away. That makes you sad, doesn't it?

No, it doesn't. Because that is how it's supposed to be. We are not in a movie, or in a book, where we can overcome these obstacles so fucking easily within a blink of an eye.

Which obstacles, Luna? The ones where he is rich and you poor?

Yes.

You are not the first, nor last couple to face that. Almost 95% of those couples work it out together, without any problem.

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