[High school romance]
Bad girl x good boy
"Don't be shy, Boris. If you want me to do something, to do something to you, to touch you the certain way or something else, you should just ask and I'm gladly going to do it. But don't be shy and embarrass...
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Safe. Is she safe?
Sleep. Has she slept?
Happy. Is she happy?
I know I'm not.
Sad. Is she sad? I'm sad.
Lonely. Is she lonely?
Angry. Is she angry?
I'm not. Worried is what I am.
These past three days I've spent doing nothing else but think of her. Her. Her. Worrying about her. Being scared for her. Crying for her. Smiling when I'd remember our jiss, but then end up crying again.
I'm so sad. I've never been sadder in my life. Desperate. Empty. I feel nothing and I feel everything at the same time. Does that even make sense?
Nothing touches me, yet everything about her worries me and makes me feel hundreds of emotions at the same time, and I don't know hot to reduce those emotions to at least one. Sadness. At least that one. No, I feel angry as well. Anger toward myself for letting her leave like that for not explaining her further or better, hell just explaining that I would never do what she thinks I have done to her.
Fuck! I haven't stop thinking about the fact that she thought how I was capable of doing that. After everything, after I thought that we were finally starting to be closer, that she was finally going to trust me, to let go of that fear she has of everyone. I'm not everyone.
I squeeze my fists. Partly I'm angry, but never at her. I'm angry at the life she has to go through, which made her suffer, which made her act this tough, but too cautious. Too. I'm angry at Manuel who has hurt her, and almost ruined our first kiss because she has probably remembered him. I'm angry at myself that my dick had to respond like that to her touches. I'm angry at...
"Ris?"
I snap my head, and shoot a glare to a person who has snapped me from the list I was making of the things that make me angry. The next one was the list of the things that sadden me. Starting with her empty seat in the literature. Her absence these three days at school. And today is the third. She will come, won't she?
"Boris", someone calls me again, and my eyes finally fall on them now clearly, pulled away from the vision I had of Luna, of her plumbed lips, her red lips that I kissed that tasted so good, not having any taste in particular, yet had tons of them simultaneously, her smile, her tired eyes...
"Yes?"
"Are you okay?", Jason asks me, and for the first time I see worry in his eyes. His expression is soft, and his eyes hold worry for me. Why is he worried?
Maybe because I've been quiet for three days straight, and barely uttered a word with him or Austin. Speaking of Austin, I turn over my shoulder to see his eyes already focused on me, waiting eagerly to hear what is wrong with me. His chest is leaned on the table, his arms laid on it, and I scan the classroom quickly to remind myself are we on class or not. I see no profesor on his seat, so I come to conclusion that whatever class we have still hasn't started.
