𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒔 • yeonbin & taegyu ✓

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°•𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 • low self-esteem, self-deprecating thoughts, suicidal thoughts•°

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𝕾𝖔𝖔𝖇𝖎𝖓 felt numb, he felt too much and nothing at all. he didn't know anything anymore, was he even worthy of being there? being the leader? not even beomgyu wanted him, his own blood.

maybe he should be dead. maybe he should let beomgyu go. maybe he should stop trying. maybe he was the problem. maybe if he was stronger. maybe if he wasn't useless. then maybe, and just maybe, he would matter.

but he didn't.

he loved beomgyu, loved taehyun, loved kai and loved yeonjun, but it wasn't enough. giving everything to the others wasn't enough if he didn't have anything to give anymore, it was being just skin and bones and still giving pieces of himself to others.

and hell, beomgyu didn't want him as a brother.

soobin knew the younger didn't mean it, but knowing didn't stop it from going straight to his heart. and just like that the tallest felt worse. useless, unworthy, disposable. maybe he didn't even deserve to suffer, or feel something at all. maybe he was there to be break and thorn apart.

and he would take it. soobin would gladly take it, if it meant beomgyu would feel better, if it meant he would have yeonjun's affection, if it meant the others would be happy, then he would gladly be shattered and discarded. and then maybe, they would want him and be proud of him.

"bunny." soobin blinked at the black haired's voice, staring at him after. the male was kneeled in front of him, who was seaten on the edge of the bed. "stop. i know what you're doing."

yeonjun put a hand on the other's cheek, to which soobin leaned on the touch, liking how warm it made him feel.

"stop trying to hold in, to pretend you can take it when you can't." the black haired knew the younger was just like a flower, just a strong wind could be enough to thorn the petals apart, but it would still stand there, pretty and strong, even if in pieces.

"i'm here aren't i?" yeonjun got up, connecting their foreheads. "you gave me your heart, bunny." he brushed his own nose on soobin's softly. "i'll catch you if you fall."

and he would, he meant it. seeing soobin broken expression did something to him, and he could swear he would kill the next person to put that expression on the male's pretty features.

so just like that, the taller started to cry quietly, just a couple of tears running down his face. but with each droplet that fell, the next one would be heavier, and so the male was soon sobbing. yeonjun pulled him closer, figuring that hugging him was the best option, he wasn't good with things like that, he didn't even know how to comfort someone, but soobin's sad and glossy eyes made him want to try.

soobin wrapped his arms around the older's waist, burying his face on his stomach while the black haired caressed his hair. the younger sobbed loudly, shoulders shaking and lips trembling. he felt so ashamed of being himself, selfish for crying, foolish for seeking comfort in yeonjun's arms and a disappointment for not doing enough.

"i-i'm sorry." the tallest whispered between sobs.

"for what?"

"a-asking for y-you to stay." yeonjun pulled away, holding the male's face between his hands after.

"don't be." the black haired scoffed, looking at the younger's eyes. "i'm here because i want to."

"b-but why?" soobin sobbed, not understanding. "you a-always hated b-being with u-us."

"i just really like flowers, bunny." yeonjun gave him a small smile, no teeth being showed, just his lips turning upwards so discretely, it could barely be seen.

"w-what does t-that even m-mean?" soobin put a hand on the older cheek, brushing his thumb beside the small smile, feeling his heart beating faster because of it and tears wetting his face.

"it means enough."

"t-then thank y-you." he sobbed one more time and wrapped his arms around the black haired's neck, pulling him while laying on the bed and making yeonjun get on top of him. he kissed the older desperately after, tasting the saltiness of his tears, he needed to feel the older and, in his mind, having sex was the only way of doing it.

"no, i won't fuck you, bunny." yeonjun kissed his forehead. "don't treat yourself as a sex toy, even i don't see you that way."

"p-please." soobin whispered, starting to cry harder. he thought he needed it, he thought it was the only way of having yeonjun's affection, the only way of forgetting things.

"no." the black haired sighed, cleaning soobin's tears with his hands. "i know i said that if you gave me your heart i would do anything you wanted, but i didn't asked your heart just to let you break it yourself."

"b-but-"

"bunny, no." soobin unwrapped his arms from the male's neck and turned around, frustrated. yeonjun didn't care, he could be much of an asshole, but he wouldn't treat the younger as a sexual object, specially when soobin already saw himself so lowly.

yeonjun laid behind the younger, lacing his arm around the male's waist and pulling him closer. it didn't take long for soobin to grab his hand and intertwine their fingers, the black haired letting him. both spent long minutes in silent, the taller's sobs calming down to only sniffs while the older brushed his thumb on the back of soobin's hand.

"why did you ask for it? my heart." he whispered, afraid of the answer. soobin thought yeonjun only wanted it to break more, use it and throw away.

"doesn't matter." the black haired said before turning soobin around, staring at his tired eyes. "you gave it so i could do anything i wanted, that's what i'm doing." he said, face void of emotions like always.

soobin looked at yeonjun's dark eyes, getting lost in the abyss that seemed to reside there. it was almost suffocating, too scary and too pretty, making the younger finally understand the male a little. yeonjun's soul was thorn apart just like soobin's heart was.

"jun?" the brown haired whispered, receiving a hum in response. he was still staring at yeonjun's dark orbs when he smiled softly to him, his dimples showing on his cheeks while his eyes were warm, even if teary.

yeonjun's heart started beating faster. it was always the same smile, the one he liked too much. he ignored it though, just like he decided to do with the fact it was beating way faster then the last time that had happened.

"i love you." soobin whispered, without hesitation. he didn't care it wasn't reciprocal, because didn't matter what it was, something was better than nothing, even hate. he preferred being hated by yeonjun than having the male far from him. he didn't have anything to lose anymore. not a heart, not a brother, not himself.

he didn't have to worry about disappointing beomgyu anymore because the long haired didn't see him as a brother anymore, so he decided to give up on trying and just give yeonjun not only his heart, but his whole soul.

his only purpose was to be thorn apart, after all. exacly what he thought he deserved.

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°•𝖆/𝖓 • idk why but im insecure af about this chapter•°

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