in love for the night // nate jacobs \\

41

( lei's pov )

i knew it was strange. the atmosphere in east highland. it was as if there was another dimension and i had accidentally crossed that line.

when rue's mom called me, and asked if i was with rue, i told her i was at a dance competition. when in all honesty i was laid out in grayson's bed as we tried to reconcile our feelings. trying to piece together this mess we had created together.

never did i know or expect maddy perez and i to soon have a common enemy and we would eventually become allies in all of this. that i would be betrayed by some good friends.

that wasn't until i got the second most shocking call of the night.

the first being a call from jules. "did you know rue is using again?" was all she asked and i lied saying a quiet no, as i glanced at gray who was absentmindedly playing with my hair. i knew her frustration. i knew from first hand experience, being the partner of an ex addict, when i dealt with grayson's first relapse. i knew the pain and yet i failed her. i failed jules. i failed rue.

i lied too ashamed to say yes. i knew rue was an addict and instead of being a good friend i went to her for a quick fix. was i the cause of her relapse? or was i just simply an enabler? so i sounded shock. i didn't tell her about the pills i crushed up and snorted with elliot in the bathroom, that night. i was too ashamed to say i was too selfish to care in that moment. that i in fact knew rue was using.

so when kat called. i didn't expect what she told me. i expected some drama with ethan. a relationship i knew that was close to over, or maybe she wanted back the makeup she left at my house. or even that she wanted to fill me in on the rue relapse issue.

"cassie is fucking nate jacobs." yup those weren't the fucking words i expected.

i sat straight up in the bed feeling the blood run ice cold in my veins. "what?" i barely made out, not wanting to believe her words.

"lei, cassie has been fucking nate jacobs."

"what's wrong?" gray asks looking up from his phone noticing my uneasy demeanor.

i look around grayson's room as if i'm searching for the answers. where was the signs? was he doing this all the while he was fucking me? "you're lying."

"no. rue just told maddy."

my eyes began to rim with tears as my lips quivered. "r-rue. she knew?" i ask into the receiver. i couldn't process how rue would know this and not tell me.

"yes."

i don't know what hurt me more the fact that i befriended cassie and she fucked the guy i was having a complicated relationship with and everyone knew. or that rue knew and didn't bother to tell me. honestly, i also felt for maddy. cassie wasn't my best friend but she is, well now i guess was maddy's. "do you know how long?"

"lei what's going on?" gray asks simultaneously while kat gave me a flat out, 'no.'

"nate has been fucking cassie howard." i say aloud. answering gray but also saying it to myself to fully process the information. letting a tear slip from my eye as i quickly wiped it away.

"i'm sorry, lei. i know this is horrible for you but now just imagine how maddy feels."

i look down shaking my head, "kat i-i can't do this right now. i'll call you later ok? thank you for telling me."

"it's cool. text me if you need me."

"i will." was the last thing i said before hanging up the phone.

"are you ok?" gray asks as he soothingly stroked my head.

"that stupid mother fucker." i mutter under my breath. "i wan-" i shake my head feeling the emotions run through my body. "how could h-"

"he's a piece of shit lei. you know that." gray stands up and walks over so he is standing in front of me, brushing away my stray tears as he cradled my face. "you promised me you wouldn't cry over him anymore."

"h-he told me he loved me." i cry out looking up at him, "and he was fucking cassie." i managed to hiccup out.

gray shakes his head slightly, "he's never loved you, lei. he loved the idea of you."

"what?"

"you're the girl from the good family. the one who is beautiful, is clean cut and always put together. with this good girl persona. he didn't like the skeletons. when he opened that closet, it was like opening pandora's box. he couldn't handle that you were not that perfect."

"cassie's perfect?"

"no but cassie to him is easy. she'll let anyone fuck her, and the fact that she fucked her best friend's boyfriend is proof enough, but everyone knows that. no one knows your secrets," he explained having a seat next to me. "he doesn't like the idea of someone finding out your past and the fact that he brought up you being groomed into a fucked up situation with a teacher is so fucked up. he is manipulating and gaslighting you and i should know because i did that to you."

i looked down at my hands as i picked at the dead skin around my cuticle. "but you were on drugs."

"and he's sober so that just tells you how much of a fucking dick her is lei." gray says annoyed letting out a frustrated breath as he sits down next to me on the bed. "he's a dick. you deserve better than nate jacobs. fuck you deserve better than me. please don't cry over that dick."

i wiped my tears as i looked away from him, clearly embarrassed from the situation i put myself in. i hated nate. i hated that i felt for him. i hated the way he treated me. i wish he was good. i wish he would had been good for me because at the end of it all i'm the one who was hurt. "why do i keep doing this to myself, gray?" i ask turning my head to face him as i let the tears continue to fall.

grayson looked up at the ceiling shaking his head, "it's my fault, lei. i caused the cycle and i'm sorry." he says turning to face her. "i am the reason for your pain and i'm sorry. i started the cycle."

"you didn't mean it."

"no but i still did it and i'm happy where we're in a place where i can sit here and apologize for this pain i have cause you, because lei you're the most amazing person. you are the person who doesn't deserve this pain." he mutters reaching over and grabbing my hand. "you don't deserve any of this lei, and if you want to run away to chicago, i don't blame you. please stop making excuses for me and for other people."

i look over to him and feel the tears continuously stream down my face as he shakes his head lightly using his other hand to cup my cheek. "i'm sorry."

he sighs pulling me close to his body and hold me close to him as i sob into his chest, wanting to hide the fact that he indeed had tears in his eyes. he pressed his lips to the crown of my head cradling me in his arms. "don't ever apologize to me lei. never apologize to me."

i felt so bad for grayson. so bad for him watching me crumble in front of him because of another guy. i knew i wasn't perfect. i knew i did bad things. i know i lied to nate. that i lied to those around me, but it still hurt. i hate that nate told me he loved me as i ran away from him. i wondered if he did that to lexi. if there were in fact other girls.

i cried there for a moment, although it felt like hours. i hadn't processed my feelings for so long. i gently pulled back and looked up at grayson. "hey can you take me somewhere really quick?"

"yeah where to?" he asks gently petting my hair looking down into my puffy eyes.

"kat's. i think someone i need to speak to is there."

—-

Authors Notes

hey! sorry i didn't add this in the initial publishing, but as you know euphoria season 2 comes to an end tonight. i made a creative decision to put the book on pause after my book catches up with the plot of season 2s ending. i decided to start writing 2 other books and i hope you can support me with the books. they will be different themes and genres. any thoughts and opinions are always appreciated on my writing. thank you !