in love for the night // nate jacobs \\

33

i laid out on one the loungers on the beach letting my body soak up the sun. i felt relaxed, compared to how i felt this morning. i understood i wouldn't be ok, but it was best to enjoy what i could from this messed up situation. i heard multiple clicks from a camera and open my eyes seeing, gray standing in front of me. "what are you doing?" i ask with a smile as i sit up in my seat using my hand to shield the sun from my eyes.

he puts the camera down and grins, "you know i like taking pictures of amazing views."

"am i, that amazing of a view? you literally have the a beautiful ocean behind you," i say motioning behind him watching the crystal blue waves crash into the sandy shore.

he turns to look at the ocean, "it's nice but the ocean has been seen over and over again. everyone has seen the ocean, but not everyone has seen you."

i peer up at him over my sunglasses, "i bet you say that to all the girls."

"all the girls?" he chuckles, "yeah, i'm pretty sure you're the only girl i've gone to this particular ocean with."

i laugh shaking my head, "yeah, i think i might be the first of many."

he shakes his head and sits at the edge of the lounger. "i highly doubt that." he looked down at his toes in the sand, "even if there are many to come. you will always be my first and that's what makes you the best. i'll always compare everyone to you."

i smiled looking at him, "some big shoes to fill huh?"

he nods as he looks up at me, "the biggest." he says with a soft chuckle. "you ready to go back to the room? order some room service and maybe watch a movie?"

i nod my head, "sounds like the perfect night in."

he stands up and extends his arm out to me to help me up. i take it and stand up, before collecting my towel and my cover up. i slipped on my sandals as gray grabbed his camera and put his shirt back on.

we walked back to the hotel, and made our way to the room. he opened the door and let me walk in before following behind me. "you want to shower first?" he asked as he placed his camera down.

i nod my head, "yes, please." i went and grabbed the clothing i wanted to change into before going into the bathroom. i took my second shower of the day and when i was done i change into my outfit, a oversized t-shirt and biker shorts before walking back into the bedroom.

i used the towel to dry my hair as i notice gray was on the balcony again, sitting on one of the plastic patio chairs. i opened the glass door, "hey gray, showers free." i say as i lean against the door frame.

"hold up mom," he says as he moves his phone away from his ear. "ok lei i'll go in right now."

i nod, "i'll be waiting inside, then." i say before walking back into the room and close the patio doors behind me. sitting on the bed, i let out a sigh, knowing going home i'd have to talk about it. maybe to my therapist, maybe my mom or even rue. gray would have to make do for now.

gray opened the patio door and walked in after a couple of minutes. i peak up at him as he broke my train of thought. "hey sorry, my mom wanted to just check up. she says hi."

"i understand gray," i say with a small smile.

he nods, "i'll shower and then we can decide what to eat."

"ok." i mutter to him quietly as i watch him grab his clothing and making his way to the bathroom. i stood up and grabbed my phone seeing a text from my mom.

mom ❤️

lei just wanted to check up and
see if you're enjoying the sun ☀️ 😎

i'm having as much fun as you can
expect

that's great! papa and i miss
you so much can't wait till you
come home!

can't wait to see you either mom
i miss you both so much don't think
i can ever go on vacation by myself
ever again

you'll see me soon lovely ! i'll
he waiting here for you when you
get home ❤️

love you ❤️
i love you too lei ❤️

i bit my lower lip as i held back my tears. if only my mom truly knew how unhappy i was right now in this moment. i knew i couldn't tell her. she'd be so disappointed in me, asking how exactly i got myself in this position in the first place. god knows the trouble i put her through and here she thought i'd actually met someone who brought me happiness.

gray opens the bathroom door and passes me as he places his clothes back in the duffel bag he had brought. "so what were you in the mood for?" he as he turns to face me using the towel the dry off his hair. "a burger? some pizza?"

"anything is fine i'm not that hungry."

he furrows his eyebrows as he studies my face, "not that hungry?" he says as he crosses his arms. "how are you not that hungry lei? you haven't eaten all day."

i shrug my shoulders, "i'm not hungry."

"well you're going to eat." he says as he grabs the room service menu looking over it. "because you've been crying all night and i know it's not healthy-"

"if you say so," i mutter rolling my eyes as i look away.

he picks up the phone and starts dialing room service, as he cocks an eyebrow up, a small smirk on his lips. "is that a hint of attitude i see?" he says amused as i ignored him. he chuckles to himself before ordering some food on the other line. he hangs up the phone and walks over to me. "see i'd be upset if i didn't know you but i know you well enough to know when you haven't eaten or gotten enough sleep you get grumpy." he places a hand under my chin to lift my face up.

i glare up at him at his amused smile and look away, "you expect me to be ok after the day i had today and i'm not gray so please let me just deal."

"you don't have to deal with it on your own lei." he says as he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. "you can be pissed and angry. that's ok. i expect you to lose your mind not sit here bottling it up like you did-" he bit down his lower lip as he looks away, his eyes focusing on the palm tree outside. "like you did with me."

i gulp down the lump in my throat as i keep my eyes fixated on the ugly patterned carpet. i knew it was tough for gray to say, but he was right instead of talking it out and reacting i just stood there and took everything. i let it consume me until it affected me as a person. till i acted out and made my parents life a living hell for almost 2 years. "i just want to be..." my voice trails off as i take a breath in feeling my eyes brim with tears. "happy." i whisper to him. looking up at gray, my eyes glossy with tears.

"you can be happy, lei. you just gotta cut out the toxic," he mutters. "even if that toxic is me. you just gotta let it all go." his eyes meet mine as he gives me a small smile, he leans down and kisses my forehead sweetly. his lips linger for a second before pulling away. 

i look up at him and see the gray i hadn't seen in years.