in love for the night // nate jacobs \\

31

i woke up, exhausted. i slept through the night yet here i was emotionally and physically exhausted. i didn't want to leave the bed, i wanted to hide under the covers and disintegrate in the sheets. i wanted my bed and i wanted my mom.

god i wanted my mom to hold me and tell me it would be ok, but how could i turn to my mom to tell her i was this whore. i wiped away the tears forming in my eyes.

i wanted my dad. i wanted to lean against him on the couch, his arm around me, and kissing my forehead telling me i was ok.

i wanted them, but here i was alone in a foreign place without them because i was afraid to tell them about another failed relationship.

i was scared.

i got out of the bed and looked at the time on the clock seeing it was still early. i picked up my phone and seen grayson sent a text he was on the plane an hour ago. so that left an hour for him to get to me. an hour and i could be in the arms of someone familiar.

i walked over to the bathroom rubbing my nose with the back of my hand. i walked over to the mirror and seen my tear streaked face and puffy eyes as i picked up my tooth brush and began to brush my teeth. i stared at myself not sure if i knew exactly who i was looking at. again.

this wasn't the first time but i knew for a fact it wasn't going to be my last time, not recognizing the broken reflection in front of me, although i knew she was extremely familiar.

i finished and placed my tooth brush back in my toiletry bag and took off the clothes i slept in.

i didn't understand why i did these things to myself. was i my own the toxicity in this life? was i the reason my life was so fucked up?

i stepped into the shower closing the curtain behind me and turned on the water. i made sure it was hot. hot enough to feel like my skin was on fire. but i felt i deserved that painful.

i let the hot water hit my skin and i close my eyes to hide the fact from myself, that i had been crying. my lower lip trembled as i tried to hold back my sobs.

i knew i had to pull myself together and wash my hair and body at least. i had to get out the shower and i had to leave here. i had to be gone away from nate.

i finished up my shower and turned off the water as i wrapped one of the white fluffy towels around me. i glanced at the mirror again and seen my skin was red, like i had been left in the sun without sun tanning lotion.

i shook it off cause i knew i had to be quick to get out of here before i woke up nate. i packed up my toiletry bag placing my bath items in there not caring if they were wet, before i made my way back into the bed room.

i thought him and i could be normal for once. you know like the beginning but i guess that wasn't really possible anymore. i don't think i could ever forgive him. and i was foolish to believe that i could ever be normal or that i was ever capable to have a normal life.

i quickly rummaged through my bag looking for a quick outfit to put on. i pulled on some panties and changed into a pair of jean shorts and an oversized t-shirt. i put on my birkenstock's and grabbed a hoodie out my bag so i could wear in case i had to wait somewhere. i then quickly stuffed all my clothing back into my bags zipping them up and carefully placed them by the door.

i grabbed my hair brush and quickly passed it though my knotted hair before quickly styling it into a low bun with a scrunchy.

i grabbed the note pad and scribbled down a short note to nate. not saying where i was going to be. just making sure he knew i wasn't going to be back.i placed the hotel note pad on the dresser and placed the pen on top. i looked at myself in the mirror and quickly looked away.

i put on my thick framed oversized black sunglasses that covered most of my eyes and walked over to the door opening it slowly incase nate was still laying against the door. he wasn't there.

i looked around and seen him laying on the couch snoring heavily. his shirt was off and he was in his boxer briefs. he had made a mess on the living area with papers scattered everywhere from the fir he had earlier. i carefully walked out of the room tip toeing past nate, leaving my key on the small table by the entrance door before closing the door behind me. slowly. so that it wouldn't make a sound and wouldn't wake him and made my way over to the elevator to escape.

i walked through the the hall way feeling my chest feel less tighter and my shoulders feeling higher as i walked away from the door. i felt myself being free.

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( nate's pov )

i woke up and my head was pounding, very aware that my late night binging, the not eating, mixed with the late night arguing was the cause of this. i moved to be laying on my back on the couch and rubbed my eyes letting out a groan, letting out my pain and frustration.

"lei?" i groaned out as i sat up on the couch when i didn't hear a response. "lei?" i mutter her name again as i sit up on the couch, i had my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands, feeling like the room was turning rapidly.

again she didn't respond. i stand up, slowly and made my way over to the room i quickly noticed that the door was open and looked inside the room seeing the bed was empty.

where the fuck was she?

i noticed that her luggage was missing too. did she fucking leaves?

she had to have fucking left. i know we got into a fight but where the fuck would she go? and why would she leave?

i stalked over to the living area and seen that she left a key card at the table. i made my way over and grabbed my jeans off the ground and grabbed my phone from my pocket and quickly dialed her number.

there was constant ringing. but no answer.  no voicemail. nothing.

did she block my call? was her phone disconnected? where was she? i questioned where she was to myself.

i couldn't call her parents, to ask where she was. if i did they'd worry and figure out what happened and i couldn't risk them hating me.

last night i fucked up. i couldn't help but get angry with her, when she blatantly lied to my face constantly. i was tired of her constant fucking lying.

she was mad that i finally found out the fucking truth.

i found out she had indeed been fucking her english teacher, after that little run in with him at the christmas shops. the way she looked at him, i could instantly tell she was nervous and the way he looked at her, like he had seen her under her clothes. and i couldn't shake that the thought out of my mind. he looked at her the way i looked at her.

her in her catholic school girl outfit getting fucked by her teacher. the idea made my skin fucking crawl. he used her and she let him.

it was okay and done in her twisted little fucking mind. i didn't care if she was a slut, i just cared that she fucking lied to me. then i wouldn't be in this situation and i could have tossed her aside like the rest. let her be like cassie. yet here she fucking was worse than cassie.

my fingers quickly typed out a message. 'lei where the fuck are you?' i typed out and seen delivered with every single message i sent.

here i was thinking i found the girl. the perfect girl, and i ended up with something worse than maddy.

maddy was fucked up and psycho but i knew that shit going in. lei was fucked up but she lied to me. she hid her skeletons in the closet right next to her designer bags and shoes.

her parents paid off everyone to hide those skeletons. here she was fucking everyone to get the attention she wanted and craved and her parents shrug it off.

i dialed her number again, feeling the panic turn into anger knowing she ran off. to where who knew.

i put my phone to my head as i heard it ring constantly as i made my way back to the bedroom and seen the note padz

'nate. i'm going. don't try to contact me. it won't work. enjoy your vacation. lei. go fuck yourself."