in love for the night // nate jacobs \\

25

i awoke to silence. nothing but the slight snore coming from grayson next to me. and honestly i was pretty sure i could hear my heartbeat. i felt anxious.

it didn't help but my head was also pounding, to the point that it felt like my brain was throbbing in my skull. i placed two fingers on my temple gently applying pressure while i moves them in a circular motion.

also not to mention i was hot. my bare skin, was coated in sweat, like i had awoken from a nightmare, but this was no nightmare it was my reality.

there was a hand around my waist holding me in place. i felt his warm breath on the back of my neck. i felt his chest rising and falling, on my back, with each breath.

i knew in a way i had fucked up. i wasn't black out drunk, i knew what i did and i did consent to it, but i knew nate would most likely never speak to me again.

"lei," gray's raspy morning voice said quietly from behind me. i knew it all to well.

i put my bottom lip between my teeth holding back my tears as the bridge of his nose gently moved against my shoulder blade. i wanted to pretend like i was asleep. all my emotions were flooding, through my body. "yeah," i whispered back, eventually, tyring not to let my emotion be heard in my voice.

"are you ok?" he asks quietly.

i nod my head, as i hold my breath trying not to over think the situation.

"lei?" he whispers again sitting up in my bed. he brings his hand over to caress my cheek. "lei are you ok?" he says as he notices the tears on my cheek, the panic set in his voice as he looks down at me.

i avoided eye contact for a while before looking up at him, as i tried to blink away the tears but they continued to fall, rapidly.

he looks at me confused, but panic set in his face real quick. "lei oh my god. i'm sorry! i didn't-"

"it's not you. you didn't do anything. i'm sorry," i say as i begin to wipe away my tears, turning my body more so i was facing away from him. i was embarrassed, but i was still about to go full manic, into a panic attack fit. hadn't had one of those in a minute, guess i was due for one.

gray, knew me better than anyone, i think. i knew for sure he knew me better than nate but i knew he was just as confused about the situation. within a few seconds he gently pulled me into his arms holding me close to his chest. he covered my ear with one hand and used his other arm to cradle me. "shhhh. don't apologize." he whispers to me in a calming tone. "i need you to breathe and count ok? like old times remember?"

i tried to focus on my breaths, almost like i had forgotten how to breath. "in," he whispers calmly to me as he realizes that i was struggling to breathe. "come on, lei, in." i sucked in some air in between my silent sobs. "now out and say it," he breathes out his hand gently caressing my hair.

i let out the deep breath, "one." i whispered between my trembling lips.

"in again," he whispers to me and i listen breathing in air. "out." i felt his heart beat on the side of my face. i felt the slight rapid thumping of it against my skin as i let out the air. his heart saying he was panicked, yet he was so composed, trying to keep me calm.

"two." i say as he continued to walk me through it. like he used too. it was an all too familiar moment for me. i always had panic attacks, and gray always was there to calm me, even when he caused them. he knew exactly what to do.

it took a while but my breath had slowly steadied and my body felt exhausted. my head felt like i had banged it against a concrete wall a couple of time, and my lungs felt like they were recently filled with water then drained.