in love for the night // nate jacobs \\

3

kat still hadn't told me why we left the party so early. she almost refused when we arrived at my house that night and i didn't wanna pry. she didn't ask about nate either, and why we both were alone on the porch. i mean it wasn't like we were doing anything, but i left wearing his jacket. i let her spend the night and the next day i gave her a ride home before i had to go to dr. snow's office.

he did the usual things, asking the same questions about my life. how my parents were. things like that, oh and about my childhood trauma. 

"so, i heard your birth mother reached out to you," he asks.

almost on cue i wince. "i told you she has no right to be called my mother."

"ok well, ariella reached out to you. how did that make you feel?"

i looked up at the ceiling. "i didn't read the letter."

"that's not what i asked. but why haven't you read the letter?" he asked.

i shake my head, "why would i read it? i know what it's gonna say. it's gonna start by saying she's sorry for what she's put me through, but happy she gave me away."

"would you like to dissect the letter together?" i hear his pen scribble quickly on his note pad.

"she didn't give me away. i was taken away." i disregard his question. "that's the thing. she wants to paint herself as my savior for giving me up when she did, but really she's a fucking monster. it was bad enough she fucked up her life why did she have to bring me into it?"

"do you still have the nightmares?"

i shake my head as i remember the nightmares. of a young me crying at night. alone in bed, when a dark shadow like person came into my room and would caress me.  "not lately."

he nods scribbling once again. "are you still in a relationship with that one boy?"

gray. he was talking about gray. i shake my head, "no he ended it during the summer."

"how did that make you feel?"

i shrug, "everyone leaves me at one point."

"that's not entirely true, your parents are there for you."

i mean he was right my parents were there for me just not physically there all the time. they both were gone again for the weekend, and it was me by myself. i didn't want them to sound like shit parents because they weren't. i had my fair share of shit parenting and they were far from it.

"how about you come see me thursday after school? we can talk more then. are you still taking your medication?"

"yes." i answer truthfully.

"and you haven't been forcing yourself to vomit lately?"

"nope."

"ok well i'll get you a script with a refill and then you can go." he quickly scribbled down a prescription sheet for me and i take it in my hands.

i nod, "perfect see you thursday, dr. snow."

————

i fumbled with my locker combination. again. 18-26-2. fuck i landed on a 3 instead and started all over. "son of a bitch," i mutter under my breath.

"hey," i look behind me and see nate jacobs.

"hey," i huff back as i go back to fumbling with my lock. i pull down on the lock, still no luck. "fuck."